What is real: 7 signs of a distorted reality

What is real? That question is not always so easy to answer, because sometimes reality is distorted, which in turn affects your inner well-being.

This blog is going to capture the essence of the "three realities" theory, with a strong focus on the "distorted reality." After all, that has the greatest impact on our well-being.

Do you often feel restless, tense, or even anxious, even when, objectively speaking, there are no concrete problems?

It's a feeling many of us recognize: that gnawing dissatisfaction, that constant stream of negative thoughts, that can overshadow daily life.

What if I told you that the real source of this suffering through thoughts rarely lies in the facts themselves, but in our interpretation of them?

As an expert in inner peace and awareness, I understand the complex dance between our perception and our emotions. This article dives deep into the concept of distorted reality, the second of the three realities that shape our lives.

You’ll learn exactly how our thoughts about problems create stress and conflict, and how your judgments about facts can undermine your inner peace.

Prepare yourself for practical tools and clear insights that will help you recognize when you are operating from this distorted reality, and how to pave the way for greater peace and clarity.

After this, you will know even better how to answer the question, "What is real?"

The 3 realities

To understand the core of our inner turmoil, it is important to understand the idea of the "three realities. This model provides a framework to see how our reality is constructed, and where most of our problems come from.

1. The Agreed Reality (Fact): This is the objective, indisputable reality. A chair is a chair. The sun rises in the east. Someone said something. It is raining. Facts are neutral and impersonal. In this reality, there is no problem, because it just is. There is no judgment or story attached to it. This is the reality we agree on.

This is for real.

2. Distorted Reality (Story): This is where it gets interesting—and often painful. Distorted reality is your personal interpretation—your thoughts, feelings, judgments, and opinions—about the agreed-upon reality. This transforms a neutral fact into a “problem.” A chair isn’t uncomfortable. You find the chair uncomfortable. It’s raining isn’t a problem. You find it annoying that it’s raining because you had planned a picnic. All our thoughts about problems and judgments about facts originate in this second reality.
3. The Reality of Consciousness (Thuria): This is the deeper, all-encompassing reality in which both agreed reality and distorted reality appear. It is the consciousness, the space, in which everything unfolds. We speak of this less extensively in this article, but the realization that there is a deeper layer where your thoughts and the facts manifest is a powerful basis for inner freedom.

What is real is never the problem

Our brains are naturally "storytellers. As soon as we perceive a fact, it immediately begins to interpret, categorize and judge.

This evolutionary mechanism once helped us survive, but in modern times it is often the source of unnecessary suffering. Distorted reality arises when we confuse neutral facts with our personal, subjective interpretation of them.

Imagine this: a colleague responds gruffly in an e-mail. The fact is: the colleague sent a short e-mail.

Your distorted reality makes of that,"My colleague is mad at me," or"I did something wrong," or"What a rude tone!"

None of these interpretations are inherently true about the colleague. They are projections of your own thoughts and fears. This creates a lot of mental noise and sets in motion a chain of negative emotions when the colleague may simply have been in a hurry.

It is a fundamental principle in psychology that our emotions are not caused directly by events, but by our interpretation of those events.

Your thoughts create suffering

The most persistent misconception is that our problems are caused by external circumstances. However, in most cases, it is not the events themselves that throw us off balance, but our thoughts about the problems that arise from them.

Suffering through thoughts occurs when we see our opinions and judgments as absolute truth. Here are some examples:

• Traffic jam: The fact is that traffic is at a standstill. Your thought is,"This is terrible, I'm late, my whole day is ruined!" This thought creates frustration and stress.
• Criticism from someone else: The fact is that someone gave feedback. Your thought is,"They think I'm incompetent, I'm not good enough." This thought leads to insecurity and shame.
• Financial setback: The fact is that there’s an unexpected expense. Your thought is: “I’ll never make it, I’m going to get into trouble, this is the end.” This thought causes fear and despair.

In each of these situations, it is not the circumstance itself that causes suffering, but the emotional charge we give it through our thoughts and internal stories.

This pattern of thinking can lead to chronic stress and a constant feeling of unease, regardless of external circumstances. On top of that, stress causes you to evaluate new experiences more negatively than you would if you were experiencing the same situation without stress[1].

What is real, your judgment is more than an opinion

Our judgments about facts are powerful tools that directly influence our emotional state. A judgment is a value judgment we assign to a neutral event, person or situation.

Think labels like "good," "bad," "right," "wrong," "fair," "unfair. Once we make a judgment, we project our internal expectations and beliefs onto the outside world.

This is also a very dualistic mindset, whereas non-dualism ensures that you have fewer judgments and therefore less negative feelings.

Examples of judgments and their impact:

• Weather: "It's raining, and that's bad weather." This judgment can directly affect your mood negatively, whereas rain in itself is neutral.
• A child's behavior: "He's naughty because he doesn't listen." This judgment evokes frustration and anger, when the fact may be that the child is tired or does not understand what is expected of him.
• One meal: "This dish is disgusting." This judgment closes the door on the possibility of tasting something new or appreciating a different flavor.

These judgments are rarely true. They are deeply personal and embedded in our unique history, culture and beliefs. They are a crucial part of distorted reality and significantly limit our perception of the world.

The ability to recognize and question your judgments is a key to inner freedom.

Stress from thoughts and what is not real

The constant stream of thoughts, interpretations and judgments that make up our distorted reality has a direct effect on our well-being. Chronic stress caused by thoughts is a common outcome of these internal processes.

When we constantly navigate from a distorted reality, our nervous system is under constant stress.

This manifests itself not only mentally, but also physically:

• Increased heart rate and blood pressure: Your body reacts as if there is danger, even if that danger exists only in your mind.
• Sleep problems: Grinding thoughts make it difficult to unwind.
• Digestive problems: Stress has a direct impact on our gut health.
• Reduced concentration and memory: Continuous mental noise hinders clear thinking.
• Fatigue: Constantly "fighting" one's own thoughts is exhausting.

The good news is that when you begin to understand that suffering through thoughts is optional, you create the ability to deal with your internal experience differently.

Letting go of identification with distorted reality can lead to a significant reduction in stress and an increase in your overall well-being.

By distancing yourself from the situation and your feelings about it, you can already calm your nerves, thus reducing the stress reaction[2].

Practical steps to recognize what is real

Breaking the cycle of distorted reality begins with awareness. By attentively observing how you think and react, you can recognize the signs of distortion and gradually find more inner peace. This is a form of mindfulness.

Here are 7 concrete ways to recognize your distorted reality:

1. Observe your emotions: When you feel strong negative emotions (frustration, fear, anger, sadness), pause. Ask yourself,"What thought is underlying this?" Often you will discover that it is not the actual situation that is causing the emotion, but your interpretation of it.
2. Search for "should" and "ought": Notice phrases in your mind such as "This should be different" or "He should know." These are classic signals of a judgment or expectation that clashes with reality as it is.
3. Identify stories, not facts: Practice distinguishing pure facts from the stories you create around them."My child didn't clean his room" is a fact."My child is lazy and doesn't respect me" is a story, a thought about problems.
4. Listen to your inner critic: When you criticize yourself or others, you are almost always passing judgment on facts. The thought"I'm not good enough" is a distortion of who you really are.
5. Take physical signals seriously: Do you feel tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, or a racing heartbeat? These are often physical manifestations of stress caused by thoughts. Ask yourself what thoughts are triggering this reaction.
6. Ask yourself, "Is this absolutely true?" Question your thoughts. Is that interpretation of the situation really the only truth, or is there room for other perspectives? Often you will discover that there are multiple, neutral, factual truths.
7. Pay attention to the "always" and "never" thoughts: Generalizations such as "This always happens to me" or "I never get lucky" are strong indicators of a distorted reality. They ignore the nuances and exceptions in life.

By recognizing these signs, you develop a deeper sense of self-awareness and the ability to choose more consciously how you respond to the world around you, rather than automatically falling into negative thought patterns.

Avoid pitfalls that get you stuck in distortion

It is one thing to understand the theory of distorted reality, but it is another to fully understand and break through its impact in our daily lives. There are several pitfalls that keep us stuck in this subjective reality:

• Identification with thoughts: We believe that we are our thoughts, rather than that we have thoughts. This makes it difficult to distance ourselves from them and question them.
• The quest for control: We want control over external circumstances and people. When this fails, we try to mentally “improve” reality through thoughts and judgments.
• Habits: For years we have thought and reacted in a certain way. Breaking these entrenched thought patterns requires conscious effort and repetition.
• Fear of the unknown: Letting go of our familiar (albeit painful) stories can be frightening because we don't know what will take their place.
• External validation: We seek validation for our thoughts from others, which can further reinforce distorted reality if we find like-minded people.

It is crucial to be patient with yourself and understand that this is a process. It's not about never creating a distorted reality again - that's human - but recognizing it faster and faster and being able to reduce its impact.

Recognize your distorted reality so you know what's real

The journey of recognizing your distorted reality is one of the most liberating paths you can take. By understanding that your suffering through thoughts is a choice - not an inevitability - you open the door to deep inner peace and clarity.

You realize that what is real, with all its facts and events, is neutral. It is your interpretations, your stories and your judgments of facts that determine how you feel.

You now have the tools to recognize the signals of distorted reality: the emotional reactions, the inner "musts," the stories you tell, the inner criticisms, the physical stresses and generalizations. With these insights, you can break the grip of stress through thoughts and live a life less dominated by mental noise. The choice is yours: will you stay stuck in your own created problems, or will you embrace the freedom that comes from letting the facts speak for themselves?

Hypnosis and rewriting distorted reality

Sometimes it’s easier said than done to let go of a distorted reality so you can see what’s real. That’s where hypnotherapy can play a role.

As a hypnotherapist, you work daily with the power of the subconscious - right where distorted reality is created and held. Under hypnosis, clients can access deeply held beliefs, automatic thought patterns and unconscious judgments that color their perceptions.

Hypnotherapy makes it possible to recognize, reevaluate and redirect these subjective interpretations - often originating in childhood or in response to stressful events[3].

By guiding people toward a state of heightened awareness and relaxation, you can help them distinguish between fact and fiction. This makes it possible to let go of limiting beliefs and live more in accordance with objective reality. Hypnotherapy is therefore a powerful tool for reducing mental noise and building a foundation of inner peace.

Helping people with what is real

Do you want to help people who are struggling with their distorted reality? Then knowledge of hypnosis is essential. Come to the free masterclass for an introduction.

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