Having everything under control is very nice, but a situation you usually can't hold on to for a long time. People are really going to end up doing what they feel is important, and that is not always in line with what you feel is important. So what do you do when you feel like you have totally lost control of your life? That's what I explore in this blog.
Losing control
Losing control can happen in several ways. Sometimes losing control is very gradual. You get the feeling that you are just too often in a traffic jam that keeps making you late for work. Your friends' nights out aren't what they used to be. You gain more weight than you like and feel like you're on a downward spiral.
Losing control can also happen suddenly very quickly. You lose your job and, as a result, you lose your relationship and are suddenly all alone.
Or you get traumatized by a serious event that really turns your world upside down for a while. Because you can be so incredibly upset by that, it can cause other consequences as well.
In either case, the loss of control creates a lot of stress and you may feel like "what am I doing it all for." You can then lose yourself in unhealthy ways of dealing with that stress, and to avoid that, it is important to still maintain a sense of control.
What happens when control is lost is the following; this reasoning is based on cybernetic control theory[1]. You are in a certain situation and it doesn't feel right because of factors outside of you. Then you compare that situation to other situations you have been in before, where you had certain behaviors that ensured a good outcome, the achievement of a certain goal, and so you start performing those behaviors again in the current situation.
However, the effect is not the same as in the previous situation. Which shows that the situation is not what you expected and the idea that you could do something to change the situation is wiped away.
When you notice time after time that your steps to change the situation are not having the desired effect, it can cause you to experience the feeling of losing control. Failing to meet your goals time after time, no matter how big or small those goals are is simply not fun and makes you feel powerless.
In the process, you then also come into conflict with how you are in reality, how effective say, and how you want to be. If this difference becomes too great it can cause all kinds of psychological problems.
Controlfreak
If you are a control freak, losing control can make you want to control everything even more. Ideally, you want to be in control of whether or not there is a traffic jam.
You may want to check out those around you.
But this is a path that only takes you further away from control of your environment. As the above theory describes, the only thing you really have control over is how you react when your environment changes.
Social monitoring
Then social control can be another reason why you feel you can't do, can't control, what you actually want to do.
This is because in order to achieve certain goals, you have steps in your mind about how to go about it then. Those steps you can take are determined in part by your knowledge of what can and cannot be done in certain situations and with certain people.
For example, when your boss does something that does not make you happy, scolding is a response that is not going to help you move forward that you have ever picked up that in such a situation with that person that does not work.
While this might work with a colleague (also not entirely recommended) or outdoors to get people to commit.
Those ideas you have about what you can do in a given situation is also called social control. People may have even challenged you in the past for behavior that was not appropriate in a particular situation.
Still, those beliefs about what is or is not appropriate in a social situation can block you from actually being more in control. For example, with a Socratic conversation, a why conversation, you can find out why you do things the way you do them and whether it makes sense.
When you have such a conversation while under hypnosis, you can get to the root of your control problem fairly quickly. For example, perhaps you have a belief that makes no sense at all, after which you can use hypnotic suggestions to gain new beliefs that will help you regain your sense of control.
You control your response
After all, as mentioned, the only thing you can really control yourself is your reaction to what is happening. Jewish psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, for example, noticed that the people who endured in concentration camps realized that they could control how they would react to the terrible things the Nazis did.
Those people really had no control at all, but realized they could control their own mood and thoughts.
So one way to make you feel more in control is to show you that there is always a form of control you can apply, namely self-control.
This feeling can be enhanced with hypnosis[2] after you have determined, for example, with a Socratic conversation that there is more room for control than you thought, but you have yet to find where that space is.
This can include suggestions such as:
"Your response is control."
"I keep going."
"There's always a moment when it works," says Dr. K. K., "and there's always a moment when it works."
These are only suggestions, depending on your beliefs about control, a hypnosis expert may give you other suggestions.
Regression over control
In addition, regression can also help you figure out where you first felt you were completely out of control. This can be helpful because your feeling of powerlessness may stem from a pattern in your life that has been built up since then because you think you have no control.
Before receiving a regression from a hypnosis expert, you receive a preliminary consultation. With this preliminary interview, the problem is already explored a bit and through the preliminary interview, the hypnotist can determine which hypnotic induction will work best for you.
You are then put under hypnosis and regression is performed. For example, you are suggested to go back to the first moment when you felt you lost control. Because you are well in touch with your subconscious during hypnosis, your memory will quickly move to this moment. This may be a very different moment than you expected during the preliminary conversation.
Then, when you get there in your mind, the hypnotist helps you see this moment from many angles. This can already change the belief of loss of control. In addition, you will also do something to further process the moment. This is where the hypnotist helps you.
Since these events are unique to everyone - after all, everyone has a unique life - I can't say much else about them in this blog.
After the regression, the hypnotist checks that the feeling of losing control is gone and then he will bring you out of hypnosis.
This moment can feel incredibly liberating, allowing you to literally feel a lot lighter.
Hypnosis to help control yourself and others
With hypnosis, you can help yourself and others experience more control over their lives.
Want to know what hypnosis feels like and if you can bring other people under hypnosis? Then come to the hypnosis playshop in Zwolle or Wormerveer.
Instead, would you like to get started immediately with techniques to help yourself or others? Then register directly for one of the training courses at the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands in Zwolle or Wormerveer. Ask about the online options if that suits you better.
[1] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1982-26944-001
[2] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.1988.10402767
