Talking about feelings: Enabling feelings to be expressed

Not being able to talk about feelings is a problem for many people. While expressing feelings is so important to making your life more enjoyable. After all, if someone knows how you feel, they can be taken into account, or they can give you new insights that make negative feelings suddenly disappear like snow in the sun.

In this blog article, read more about what feelings are, why you can't talk about feelings or problems, and how to learn to talk to your partner if it's difficult right now.

Feelings

We have all kinds of feelings, our emotions, our gut feelings, you even feel what the weather feels like. In fact, you always feel something. Even if you feel numb, that's a certain feeling[1].

Feelings are generally subjective experiences triggered by what you are experiencing or by what you are thinking. The feeling is something you experience within yourself, such as feeling happy, or anxious or something similar.

So those feelings can arise from what you experience, such as ultimate happiness when your partner proposes to you, or ultimate glumness when that partner leaves you again for whatever reason .

Also, your own thoughts can cause feelings, and that is often where the power of hypnotherapy lies.

Feelings can be short and long-lasting, such as brief intense anxiety when something startles you, or long-lasting feelings of gloom or happiness. Think of a depression phase or a crush phase.

What is also good to realize is that feelings are often seen as something that is in your body and not in your head, as with thoughts (source 1). In doing so, feelings often have an even greater impact on your life than if you reason something out. For example, many people are guided by their feelings when making a decision , and by no means always by reason.

Feelings cannot always be captured in language either (source 1), and hypnotherapy takes that into account as well.

Not being able to talk about feelings

Because feelings are not always easy to capture in language, it is difficult for some people to talk about feelings. There are some people who even block completely when it comes to talking about their feelings.

In fact, about 10% of people find it difficult to determine what emotion they are feeling at any given moment and therefore find it difficult to talk about it.

However, it is true that when people who suffer from this are tested for stimuli and reactions, such as their breathing and sweating, they often react more violently than people who can express emotions well[2].

Not being able to talk about feelings can cause more stress as a result. If you suffer from stress or trauma, talking about it can even help you be physically and mentally healthier[3].

Talking about feelings, however, is not always better for you. In a study of couples in which one of the two had cancer, talking about feelings actually increased stress and reduced functioning. In that case, it was better to stick to the facts to suffer less stress[4]. Researchers also indicated that better advice should be given to couples with cancer, such as about when to talk about feelings and when not to.

Not being able to talk about problems

What is often linked to talking about feelings is not being able to talk about problems. This may be because the problems or negative feelings you have create feelings of shame , making it difficult for you to talk about them[5].

The annoying thing is that stressful moments, such as when you have a practical problem that can have major consequences, creates negative feelings. Not talking about that then ensures that there is also no help to solve the practical problem[6].

This can even provide more mental and physical problems.

In that sense, shame is a very awkward emotion that can get in the way of solving problems.

Learning to talk to your partner

If you find it difficult to talk about feelings, it can also impact the social relationships you have. These are then often less good[7], this also applies to your romantic relationships.

You do want those to stay good, otherwise a relationship breakup could just be the result of not being able to talk about feelings and problems with your partner.

Good communication is incredibly important in any relationship, both business and personal.

Talking about feelings starts with listening

However, a conversation requires 2 people. So suppose you have a problem with a partner who is not good at talking about his or her emotions, it is also important to consider for yourself: Am I good at listening?

Indeed, being good at listening can encourage your partner to be more open about feelings. For this, accepting your partner, even if he or she does things wrong, is important, and it is important that your partner knows that you appreciate him or her.

In doing so, you also try to get on the same wavelength as the person who finds it difficult to talk about feelings. For this, your body language is also important. Often you unconsciously give signals about what you think of someone. Therefore, the intention with which you listen is important, so that the unconscious signals match that you appreciate the person, accept them and that you really want to listen for a while.

You can repeat what the person has said so they feel understood[8].

Learning to Talk About Feelings: Recognizing Emotions

What often happens - mostly to men - is that they don't get beyond "I feel good" or "I feel bad." That in itself is a start, but it is mostly an insight about the overall feeling a person is having[9].

By looking more deeply at good or bad, more emotions can be named.

One way to better recognize emotions is to apply regression . For example, if there is a problem causing a particular feeling but you can't quite place it, you can use age regression to go back to the age of three to recognize the first time you had that feeling. The situation back then can help you make it easier to see which emotion this really is.

Complicated emotions can include:

1. Envy
2. Jealousy
3. Irony (finding something funny and sad at the same time)

This may also be a time when it has been determined that it is better not to talk about emotions. By then using other hypnosis techniques, such as a conversation with your inner child or the fast phobia technique, you can "fix" the limiting belief that is blocking you from talking about emotions,[10] which will allow you to talk about your emotions.

Easier talking about emotions through hypnosis

One time when it can suddenly become very clear that it is difficult to talk about emotions or feelings is when you are diagnosed with cancer. Even though care has gotten much better in the last 50 years, this diagnosis is still not pleasant to hear.

It often creates many emotions, such as hope for betterment, fear of death, fear of treatment, feelings of hopelessness or depression, who you want to blame, winning a darwin award (even if it's not your fault). All sorts of things.

To help people with cancer go through treatment relatively steadily, it can be helpful to recognize and deal with those emotions. Hypnotherapy is increasingly used as an adjunct to treatment to make the process easier[11].

Hypnotherapy then helps to get a transformation in your mindset, suffer less from anxiety and generally feel better.

If this already helps during such a turbulent period of cancer treatment, it should also do much to improve your handling of emotions in general, right? Then you can then also talk better about your feelings.

Group hypnosis can also help you engage in conversation with peers, so you can already practice talking about emotions there as well. This can include, for example, peers in relationship problems, work problems or problems other than illness.

Learn Hypnosis

Would you like to help yourself or especially others with being able to talk about feelings? Then come to our free master class for an introduction.

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