Problems don't exist. Maybe you feel like you have a problem, but if you think it through, you find out that it doesn't exist. Let me explain this.
You may have heard me talk more often about roughly two realities. I also often say that there is really only one, that everything is light and love.
But humanity has agreed on a few things with each other, such as that a chair is a chair and a table is a table. We call this agreed-upon reality. Everyone knows what you mean in that language, and otherwise you can translate it.
Then we have distorted reality: what do you think of that chair or table? Of course, you can think a lot of things about that. Nice chair, shitty chair, it could be anything. What you think is your distortion.
The chair is not a problem. It's just a chair. In agreed-upon reality, it is mostly objects that we name.
The meaning you give it. To the chair, plant, spider, dog or neighbor, that is the distorted reality. In that distortion are the problems. This is an incredibly important part in problem solving and especially if you use hypnosis to do so[1].
Does everyone else have a problem with your problem?
That neighbor is not a problem. Not everyone has a problem with your neighbor, or else the whole world will say that person is a problem. But that's not how it is.
What you put on it is that you are experiencing a problem with him, for example. That's your idea of reality. It's all in your head. Nor can you get out of your head to see what is real.
Everything you see outside and care about is in your head. Now that may not seem like it. Many people also think that life happens to them, but you also often project that life.
Of course things happen in your agreed-upon reality. You then find some of that. For example, you can have a car accident, some people don't care and others get nightmares about it. So we stick a meaning to it.
If you truly understand this, you also understand that in agreed-upon reality, there are no problems. So if there are, you do. No one else does.
Maybe you know more people who have a problem with it, that's possible. But that you have a problem with it, you do.
So there are no problems until you stick a problem on all kinds of objects. Some people even do this with everything. I think that's genius, too.
But the challenge, then, is to realize and see it. Because then the problem could already be solved just like that.
Problems are often a projection
When you truly realize that person is not someone you have a problem with, but you are projecting a problem with them.
Now this is very easily said, but not easily done.
If you have a problem with the take-out Chinese, you don't go to the take-out Chinese anymore. You then simply avoid the object on which you project your problem.
But go avoid your parents, partner or children. It's very hard to look at things differently then. But then again, you can't change them to how you think the world should be. Then you are like Don Quixote fighting windmills because he thinks they are monsters.
It makes no sense.
Many people do try to manage their children and partner. That's a little different than parenting. But you then try to bend things to your will, successfully!
Of course, you also just want them to behave well in a restaurant, for example. You then explain that to your child.
But projecting problems is something you do yourself.
When you think about it, the problem solves itself. The moment you stop that projection it dissolves.
Solving problems by seeing other projections
How to.
In training and sessions, we offer different perspectives. We look first at how you project something onto the other person. After all, you are doing something.
You look at him. You see him like this. You think about the past, because you've been through things and therefore it's a problem now.
Then we go one-on-one to review those experiences and try to zoom out for perspectives.
One perspective may be that that person can't help it. That it's because of how he grew up and the experiences he had. If you had grown up that way you would have done the same thing.
That's not an excuse or anything, but it's a statement. It's a perspective.
Another perspective is one of yourself. You yourself may be doing things that cause that person to act that way.
That one may not be very nice, but it is also a perspective.
For example, there are multiple perspectives where you can look at experiences that people have gone through and you can look at your own experiences that you have gone through. Like experiences you went through in childhood .
All kinds of perspectives through which we can change our distortion of agreed-upon reality. We also call that projection or distortion a map of the field.
Offering new perspectives, that map becomes increasingly clear.
At some point you start to realize that there is no problem and you are doing this.
It may take some time to realize this.
For example, many people use meditation to detach from who they are and how they see things.
Personally, I am not much into meditation and find hypnotherapy or self-hypnosis where you can go after perspectives more enjoyable.
I use meditation mostly to unwind, but that's personal.
Hypnosis helps you have an inquisitive and curious mind. Like playing detective with yourself. Without putting yourself down or feeling guilty it won't work.
But with an inquiring or curious mind. How do I do it now?
By having that curious mindset, you avoid flogging yourself.
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/4623077-09-hoe-kom-je-uit-de-hypnose-van-je-probleem?play=true
Hypnotherapy for providing new perspectives
In the example above, having a Q&A session is one way to gain new perspectives. Of course, this can take place while under hypnosis.
Another way is with guided visualizations. These are also called hypnotic dreams. This can be used as a means to solve problems[2]. For example, if you do need to start the conversation with someone or forgive someone for yourself, a visualization can help you do this not only consciously, but also unconsciously. This way you can more easily let go of someone's irritating behavior and should you be confronted with it again, you can more easily walk away or let it slide past you, as it were.
Before a good clear guided visualization can be given, the hypnotherapist does need to know how you see the world, what your distortion actually is. Therefore, a number of questions are often asked first about the problem you have, such as:
- What's your problem?
- Why are you seeking help now?
- What would be the ideal outcome?
- What would happen if you couldn't solve the problem?
- When is the problem a problem?
- What does that situation look like?
- When is it especially a problem?
- How do you deal with the problem on a daily basis?
Sometimes these questions alone provide enough food for thought that it can already change one's view of the problem[3]. But otherwise they provide enough insight to find an appropriate technique to help you solve the problem.
Milton Erickson's techniques also help reorganize your thoughts[4]. This makes it easier to deal with the problem constructively for yourself.
Want to learn more about hypnosis and problem solving?
Want to learn more about solving problems with hypnosis? Then come to the free online master class on hypnosis. In this master class, you will learn the basics of hypnosis.
Or enroll directly in one of our training courses. Those trainings cover pre-conversation, guided visualizations and Erickson's techniques, among a variety of other useful things you can use to help yourself and others.
Sources:
[1] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.1995.10403159
[2] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.1982.10404065
[3] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-08291-018
[4] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.1990.10402898
