I recently helped a woman who had stopped taking antacids after 15 years, only then the problem of stomach upset returned. So then what do you do? Then you set the alarm clock so you can get help live on Instagram, of course 😉.
Physical complaints can have a physical cause
First, I checked with her to make sure she had all kinds of examinations. This is important to do with physical complaints. Have doctors already investigated? Has there been any research? Once you've checked all that, then you can begin hypnotherapy.
Client theory
In the preliminary interview, you can probe your clients to find out what they themselves think is causing a problem.
So I asked her when this problem actually started. She first faced this around age 14. Things weren't very pleasant at home and they weren't at high school either. She knew a lot of people, but she didn't have a deep connection with them.
Until she was eight years old, school actually went very well. Then she moved because her parents started a cafe. This made them unavailable even though they lived next door to the café. She also took care of her younger sister because of this.
Before the age of eight, everything was normal. Especially in her memory, when the school even wanted her to skip a year. But things didn't work out in high school, so high school/vwo didn't work out and even mavo didn't work out.
She also did not feel loved or understood, including at school.
At this point in her life, she also doesn't usually feel loved, but sometimes she does. In her current friend group, she does feel loved. With those friends she studies and has deep conversations.
But even then, there can be differences. For example, she once wanted to show a friend a master class, but she interrupted it halfway through with the phrase "Yes, I already know all that."
She saw this as lacking interest, but I gave the suggestion that this woman was taking on more of the role of an "omniscient." Rationally, she understood this, but emotionally there came a sense of "then I don't count" and she got the feeling that she should then stand up for herself, without exploding.
So then I indicated, ultimately it starts with the trigger, because if you don't get triggered you don't have to stand up for yourself.
She also used to feel at home and at school that she did not count.
Spontaneous regression
A spontaneous regression of a moment arose when she came home. Opened the door to the café to address her mother, but her mother completely ignored her. So that was "the last time I needed my mother."
I also recognized this as the moment which was the last time she needed anyone at all. So I asked what she decided then. She did not remember that very well, so then I went from spontaneous regression to conscious regression for a moment in which we work with her inner child. With that conscious regression you fix a limiting belief[1].
Therefore, when you work with the inner child, you can change reactions to certain triggers[2].
Working with the inner child
"Just close your eyes for a moment ... so you come in ... you're 8 years old ... you come out of school at 3:30 and Mommy who is standing there and you call her "Mommy" but she doesn't respond ... "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" ... now she turns around and says "not right now, I'm talking to that gentleman for a moment", how does that feel now that you hear this?"
She doesn't remember.
Edwin: "But what would you want to do?"
Woman: "Maybe walk through to her after all."
Edwin: "Just do it, just walk up to her ... what happens next?"
Woman: "She is annoyed that I am disturbing her."
Edwin: "Yes, and what would you like to tell her or do?"
Woman: "I just want her attention and that she does look at me."
Edwin: "Say that to her, say 'I want you to look at me and I want you to see me.'"
I give her a moment to process this and continue "Okay, I'll count to 3 in a moment, then snap my fingers and you're your mother. 1,2,3, now (snap my fingers). Step into your mother...you are your mother and you hear your little daughter say 'I want you to see me, I want you to look at me', how about that?"
Woman in role of her mother "My mother wants to, but she can't."
Edwin: "No, you can't. So you're your mother now and you can't. How come you can't?"
Woman in role of her mother "Never had it myself."
I was surprised, though, but then I asked if she loved her daughter.
"Yes"
Is it because of your little daughter that you can't do it?
"No."
So is she kind of right?
"Yes"
Okay, just tell her "I love you, You're right, It's not you, I can't do it.
The woman reiterated.
Edwin: "I'm sorry "
This also echoed.
Edwin: "Okay, then again I count 123 and snap my fingers and you are yourself when you were 8 years old. 123 (snap) you are yourself and you hear your mother say 'I love you, it's not you, I'm sorry, I just can't help it', how about that?"
Woman "I can understand it as an adult now, but not as a child, because Grandma is always there, right?"
Then I instructed her to tell her mother.
"Grandma is always there."
So what does your mother say?
"Yes, I know."
Yes, I say being there is not the same as being there.
Do you understand that your mother experiences it that way? The woman replies that her mother also had that kind of childhood and that she understood that her mother was also born with bad cards.
So tell your mother "Mom I understand you and I forgive you"
They repeated this.
Then I gave the suggestion, "Good, and then you see yourself. You look at yourself now. You're 8 years old and you see that girl smiling, because she understands. She understands, yes. Even though somebody is it all day and you still don't have to be it, and the mom learned that from Grandma. Grandma maybe from her mom too, we don't know. Maybe she did, maybe before that too. Even if they were there, but yes, maybe physically maybe, but not maybe emotionally, because she had never learned that.
And now that you understand this, you also know that it's not in you, it's not up to you. You were also right, you are also right, because it already feels very separate. I think, how can that be, but that's right there, and you're going to do it differently from now on, and you see that 8-year-old girl smiling. I'm thinking, yeah, I don't know how yet, but I'm going to do it differently. I'm just going to do that differently. I'm just going to be emotionally available. And how I'm going to do that, I don't know, and I don't even know maybe what it means now, but I'm just going to do that. I free myself, and you see yourself, 8 years, smiling, and you say to yourself "I forgive you" say"
Woman: "I forgive you"
"And then you see that girl smiling, and she becomes lighter and lighter, and it becomes completely, she becomes completely light, as it were, since freed from anything she could be freed from, generationally, emotionally, mentally you are now free.
And you hug her, that eight-year-old girl, and she melts into you, and she grows up, she turns 9, 10, 11, 12, and everything changes. All those situations change, because she feels, she feels strong, she feels powerful, free, happy, joyful, 10, 11, 12, 13, also in middle school, high school, so very different, because she feels fine. She counts, she feels okay, because it's all fine, because it's not up to her. She gets to just follow her gut, because it's right, and she grows up in that. She grows up to be 15, 16, 17, 18, 20, 25, 30, all the way to now, all the way to now. Does she grow up and everything gets lighter, and all situations turn into a white bright light. As you feel that way and experience that, what happens now?"
It felt a little weird. Her body tingled all over as if her cells were itching. I called that cheering cells.
Linking the good feeling to the problem
Then I returned to the stomach for a moment and gave an additional suggestion there.
"Look, if that's obviously been on your stomach the whole time ... somehow, and it's gone now, then it just might ... the healing process is initiated. Yes, so that just might ... that you are indeed feeling that everywhere. And if you now think of, the idea, "I count," what happens now?"
She felt herself growing bigger. She needs to be there and she is allowed to be there. Also, the need to be is kind of a theme. I have to be there too, I am not allowed to leave yet.
Then I asked how she meant that.
She meant she still had things to do.
Isn't that great, that you get to be there and still get to do things.
Keeping relationships good through new insights
If you find that your client is talking about certain occurrences with important people, it is important to give them insights so that those relationships can continue in a healthy way.
You also don't want to help someone with self-confidence and assertiveness and thereby cause them to only argue with those around them, especially when it is completely unnecessary.
So I linked back to the memory of the friend who already knew everything at the master class and asked what happens now when she thinks back to that.
Her whole mindset about that memory had changed; instead of feeling offended, she felt it was more like a shame that that friend missed out on an opportunity to learn super much. Kind of stupid of that friend, but it's ok that she misses out on that.
Then I gave her the suggestion that this friend might even know, in her own way.
Then you might wonder if you are applying what you all know. I know a lot too, but I really don't do everything I know.
And maybe that friend finds it more important to study with her than to watch a master class with her. That she finds you more valuable to be with than to watch a master class.
She may also be thinking that she is short on time and just likes to practice.
There are many variables that have nothing to do with you, but have more to do with her. With what she cares about.
"Look, we know our intention, right. But we, but we don't know the other person, um, his or he knows 's so, so the other person we approve or disapprove on behavior, huh. You do this, but not on intention. And ourselves we can always on intention. Yes, but I meant well. Yes, but um, yes, but you misunderstood, because I meant it.... dot, dot. And so I always think that when someone exhibits a certain behavior, I think, Yes, but I don't know the intention at all. Maybe um, somebody means it completely differently than I'm thinking right now. Well, and I, nine times out of 10, they do. And I'm really quite psychic, but even there I sometimes forget myself. Sense I think, Ah, the intention, which is always different. So I stopped doing that too, then I think: Ugh, this is unusual behavior. Sometimes we still kick in, too, you know. And then you think: Seriously, do you have to say or do that or whatever? But then afterwards you hear the intention or someone's story, where someone is coming from, all at once okay ... Yeah, well actually now I actually understand it."
Woman: Yes, you know this when you start thinking consciously, but I would like to be able to think this automatically.
That includes practice.
How does the situation with the master class with that friend feel now?
To her, it felt incomprehensible that she had felt this way. During the confrontation, that friend also had this feeling of "I don't know what you are talking about," so that it was indeed not meant that way.
Dealing with trigger change
In your life, you come across these situations more often and at some point you realize you have a trigger and then you can figure out what to do with that trigger. How you can deal with that.
On that, I gave the following suggestion: "But ... it's always good, when we experience something like this, for example, to then think: Oh yeah, oh, that's another one of those (the trigger) ... Oh, this is like with that friend. Oh yeah, um, how did it end? Um, probably this will end like that too ... and that's hard, but it always helps me.
I don't know the intention in that sense, just intention, intention. What will be the intention of that person? I have no idea. I can guess, but I don't know. I assume it's good. For that person, it won't necessarily be good for me, but for that person, I think ... well okay. You know ... it will be, and yeah, and I'm going to see what I can do with that trigger ... Yeah, because just like, for example, now you understand say like: "Oh yeah, my mother that's already been felt." You know, all of us understand that ... of course they're not excuses ... per se, but that's an understanding.
And you think: Yes, but everyone has their own story, or her own story, like that. You have your story, your mother, your friend, me, people watching, and if we really understood each other's story and were in each other's shoes, we would think, believe, feel and understand exactly this way of oh of course ... And then we actually find out that, I think, 98% of people just mean it all well, and two percent, those are just psychopaths ... but yeah, they mean well for themselves too.
We are basically ... you might say, normal people in a crazy world. Yeah, and trying to fit in and all that craziness. Yeah, that's still quite a thing for everybody. But yeah, and one person does it this way and another one does it that way, and then you get to school and then you feel like you don't count... Or that feeling that you don't count. Well, and then you take that with you the rest of your life, kind of... Well, and then it gets changed.... And yeah, and everybody has their train like that, y'all. Yeah, that's really a thing.
Thinking back to the bridge class now, what happens next?"
Woman: "I feel now that many other people have had the same situation. You can't tell from children what the home situation is like, and you yourself as a child don't know what your situation is like. You only find that out when you get to others or when you are older. "
The body felt good now. Whether the upset stomach was now gone she didn't find out until later in the day. The jitters were gone, though, so they had already been absorbed into her body.
The idea of "I count" did have her feeling that she has a lot of influence in people's lives and she wants them to feel like they want her to be there.
The problem with that feeling is that you then put a lot of power on other people. Because they then have to do something, then it's no longer up to you.
One tip, though, is to give people what they want, which helps a lot in getting invited (From the book How to win friends and influence people, Dale Carnagie). And so then you have to go find out what people want. So that's not by pleasing. You find out what people need and give them that, without expecting anything in return.
Watch the entire session here.
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