What is assertive and how does hypnosis help?

What exactly is being assertive? Being assertive is mainly about being able to stand up for yourself well. For example, you can set your boundaries well and express your opinion, even if your opinion does not match that of your interlocutor.

There are many times in life when assertive behavior is needed, such as when mistakes need to be corrected at work or when you are blamed for something you did not do.

Being assertive on your own is sometimes very difficult, because if you stand up for yourself then it can evoke resistance from your interlocutor. And when are you assertive and when are you really just an aso? The main thing about being assertive is that you can do this without feeling bad about it.

Also, by being assertive, you show your emotions and opinions on certain issues and don't let people get away with behavior that is harmful to you[1].

In this blog, we take a closer look.

Being Assertive

You would say that being assertive is the same for everyone, and to some extent it is, but how the environment responds to it can be very different.

For example, if a man is assertive, this is seen as someone who can make decisions, who has perseverance to do what he wants to do, as someone who is ambitious and even someone who has leadership qualities.

If a woman is assertive, pretty soon you are a bitch or hysterical according to those around you. Some people even think women are aggressive when they are assertive[2].

This is also consistent with the idea that people who are assertive are seen as competent, but unfortunately also as less nice[3]. However, this is especially true if the other person is not assertive themselves. So if we are all just nice and assertive, there shouldn't be much of a problem.

In being assertive, you are actually balancing between passive and aggressive behavior. You don't let everything wash over you, but when you stand up for yourself, you do so in a reasonable way and you're not directly aggressive either.

But what exactly is assertive behavior? Being assertive depends on a number of factors, namely:

1. Self Confidence
2. Positivity
3. Confident
4. Standing firmly on your feet
5. Determined

What is assertive behavior?

Assertive behavior, then, is about standing up for yourself in a normal way. An example at work might be:

You're already pretty busy at work. A colleague asks if you can take on a few more tasks. You indicate that this is not possible because you are already busy and give your colleague a possible alternative.

Or:

During a meeting, you disagree with a decision being made. You express this in a respectful way rather than keeping your opinion to yourself. You also give arguments about why you think what you think and alternatives to reach a better solution or decision.

Being assertive is also sometimes necessary in relationships. For example, if you have a partner who consumes all your time, express that you need me-time and suggest a compromise to still have a pleasant time management that works for you and your partner.

If you do everything in the household and this does become too much for you indicate this to your partner and suggest a fairer division and how you can organize together that the house still remains tidy.

Become more assertive

To become more assertive, it is first helpful to determine the way you currently communicate with those around you. Therefore, try to be mindful about how you react to certain things. Do you let everything wash over you? Do you immediately become very defensive (which is not necessary to be assertive), or do you use feedback as a way to grow.

Keeping a journal then can already do a lot. In it you can also keep track of how other people respond to you.

In addition, you can ask those around you how they feel you communicate and how you handle conflict.

You may also sometimes find that certain behaviors and situations make you very emotional, more emotional than logical. These are also called triggers. By identifying what triggers you, you can then figure out how to deal with it in a smart way.

For example, if you know you can't respond immediately because you're too emotional, you can first say "I need to process this." Then you can come back to it. You do this later when you have had a chance to think about it and your emotions have calmed down again.

Also, you can smile briefly to get out of your initial emotion. Also, hypnotherapy can help give you an anchor to help you calm down quickly when you've been triggered, so you can respond calmly, but assertively.

Your body language can also greatly influence how assertive you come across. By having a good posture, you are already helping yourself a long way. This is better than cringing insecurely, and it's also better than coming into someone's space aggressively. By standing (or sitting) upright, you already come across as a lot more assertive.

Returning briefly to the difference between men and women. In meetings, it is often more appreciated that men talk a lot and women mostly listen. This is of course very awkward if you as a woman also have something to say. In that case, as a woman, you can first briefly summarize what has already been said, as a signal that you have listened carefully, and then say what you have to say in response.

That listening can be helpful anyway, no matter what gender you are, because if you can adapt your communication to another person's style, it helps you achieve your goals faster (source 2).

Help to become more assertive

Becoming more assertive is often easier said than done, and sometimes you could use a little help. In that case, a hypnotherapist can do a lot for you. For example, hypnotherapy helps improve your self-confidence, make your mindset more positive, stand in your power and be motivated to achieve your goals.

It's also important to be assertive, because if you always bottle everything up, it can make for poorer self-esteem and you may even experience depression.

However, are you too aggressive? Even then, help is helpful, because if you do nothing you may suffer in the long run from embarrassment, reduction in self-confidence and sense of ability, you will get a worse opinion of people around you (source 1).

A hypnotherapist can help you become more assertive in several ways. For example, if you suffer from fears, they can be tackled first. In addition, you can use visualizations to practice on how you react in certain situations. You can visualize how you also share your opinion in a meeting, for example.

Hypnosis can also be combined well with assertiveness training[4]. So for professionals who help other people become more assertive, knowledge of hypnosis can also be very useful.

The cause of not being assertive can also be eliminated. In one case study, for example, a woman was helped against teeth grinding. Yes, an effect of always bottling up everything. Her difficult childhood was processed and she gained insight into how people around her were quite hostile. After 7 sessions she was rid of her teeth grinding, and had become more assertive. After a year these effects were still visible and she still did not suffer from teeth grinding anymore[5].

Whether you are overly aggressive or hold everything inside you, you act the way you do because of beliefs you have about life and how you function in it. With hypnosis, you can figure out those beliefs and change them. One way to do this is with regression, for example.

With regression, a hypnotherapist helps the client go back to the first moment when the problem, such as holding everything inside you or being overly aggressive, arose. This is often a moment from childhood. Then a hypnotherapist helps to reinterpret this moment. This ensures that the limiting belief is repaired and you look differently at how you should be doing in life.

Pretty soon, this can cause you to deal with problems more relaxed or to speak your mind for once.

In addition, a hypnotherapist can perform other techniques to improve self-confidence, for example, or to help one become more positive toward the world.

Want to learn more about hypnosis? Then come to the free online master class.

Or register directly for one of our seminars or trainings. Trainings are delivered live online from a professional studio and with plenty of 1-on-1 assistance so you can master everything.

Ideal if you are a professional helping people become more assertive or if you just want to help yourself.

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