A while ago, I helped Angela with a live session on Instagram. She was troubled by the fact that a construction project in her neighborhood a few years ago had left her completely overexcited. The construction project was already over, but she was still in "the rush." The fight, flight freeze feeling just wouldn't go away.
She also had problems with relationships because of her fear of being abandoned. That was a theme in her life, feeling abandoned. So that triggered me again, because I thought, if I can solve that theme of "being abandoned" for her, who knows, maybe that will also solve the feeling of being overexcited.
The red line in the story
Everyone tells themselves a story about their life, and if you can get a red line from that, it provides an entry point for the hypnotherapy you provide.
So I asked her where this problem of being overexcited had started, and after thinking about it for a moment, she started talking about her father. After all, she doesn't know who her biological father is. Her mother was unwanted pregnant with her. When she was two, she had a stepfather, which she felt was her father. She always felt that her mother never wanted her. She also has a sister who is a few years younger.
At 17, her parents divorced and she stayed with her stepfather because her mother was simply away. Meanwhile, her stepfather was an alcoholic and her mother was mentally unwell. So it went on and on.
Relationships didn't work. When it came to friendships, things went wrong, too. Then she had a friend with whom she did fun things, but if she then got into a relationship then that too went away.
In 2004, she passed out. The family doctor thought it was psychological; she thought so, too, because she was going through a lot. But a few years later it turned out she had a double hernia with an incomplete spinal cord injury. When things were just going a little again in 2015, things went wrong again and she suddenly had an inflammation in her spinal cord that caused her to lose a lot of feeling.
So in addition to friends and family, counselors had also abandoned her.
She then laid down for a moment, which is actually absolutely perfect in hypnotherapy. The more relaxed the client, the better the therapy can go.
There was indeed a red line in her story and about that I gave the following suggestion:
"Yes, it's in the beginning, then you come into the world. Then you already have the idea of: "Oh, wait a minute" later that just all gets stronger. A father was already not there ... my mother ... yes she suddenly leaves too, and then you get those, well, those ideas naturally imprinted of: "Yes, abandoned, forsaken." So what are you going to do then as a protective mechanism? The subconscious mind which ... then gives as a positive intention "But wait a minute, um, then I don't have to see anybody either, because I don't feel like that pain," you know? They do, understand me, hurt, don't they. So one goes away, that one goes away. I don't feel like that anymore, so everything disappears, yeah... Either you attract the person who immediately says, "Bye," or somewhere in your own behavior you unconsciously repel."
Psychological complaints physical problems
Sometimes mental problems can become so big that they can even cause you physical problems. So I briefly drew the red line to her physical problems as well. So I continued with the suggestion:
"Well, what else? Flushed into that is that even your body says, "Hey, you know what, I'll make sure you can't work anymore either, then you won't have that pain, you know?" You do have pain, but not the emotional pain of being abandoned, being let down. Well that physical one, but that's actually the reason for not letting anyone in. Because that's worse. If you think like that, then you think, "Okay, but wait a minute, already the question is: Is that so?" Well, at a certain point not anymore, of course, when you just can't do almost anything and you're all in pain, you think, "Well, I don't know what's worse whether I physically feel that all day long or being let down once."
You may now be thinking, "Well, being abandoned is just worse to me." Is an example, lol. But so, look, like before ... it doesn't get anymore. No, but I mean, it also doesn't happen anymore because look: Your (step) father.... Yeah, I mean, sperm doesn't make a father so to speak ... that's not necessarily a criteria that's just how it is. And you said, "My father is just my father." Well, turns out that didn't quite work out either. He also had his issues and so did your mother, yes.
And then you as a child have to kind of make a chocolate out of that "Okay, so I'm here, okay...That one's going to go away, that one's going to go away all day, that one's not quite right, okay. Okay, how do I get out of this a little bit normally?" Well, and then you start thinking all kinds of things as a child ... what you say by pleasing, for example . Because you want to keep people there, or whatever. Which of course is counterproductive, but you're learning to survive."
Indeed, she did recognize that she was surviving her entire life. She also considered herself an anxious child. So somewhere she had been in that fight-flight mode all her life. This made perfect sense to me. Because she was learning to survive. She learned to survive in a way that might not be useful now, at the stage of her life now. But it was convenient then.
Accepting the situation
Many people also often get an unpleasant feeling from decisions they had made in the past, and it is important to remove that unpleasant feeling immediately. After all, it has already happened and nothing can be done about it. You can do this by suggesting that at that time the choice they made at that time was the best choice.
In retrospect, it's easy to say that something was not convenient, or not smart. But you had to deal with it at the time, and in that moment, what you did was the best solution.
Now everyone is older. You've learned new things and you don't necessarily have to please people.
Then she mentioned that the point is also that she can't do a lot of things herself. So she always has to ask other people to help.
So the theme of not wanting to be abandoned has now been transformed that she is going to do it in such a way that she does have to depend on people.
To put it very succinctly. You can also just be unlucky.
She did agree with that, that she had had a lot of bad luck. She had had enough of that now.
I gave her the visual suggestion:
"Well, we have a drum of bad luck and here we have a drum of good luck. Are you digging in that little drum of bad luck all the time now? Well, okay. Now we're going to start another drum of good luck.... yes, but that starts with you.
It may start with accepting...the moment now. Accepting that this is how it happened. This is the starting point now. What I am going to do is forgive myself"
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is often difficult for people because you often think that other people should forgive you or that you yourself find it difficult to forgive someone else. And that while forgiveness gives a lot of liberation and can make you feel much better[1].
She was already trying to do that, but she finds it very difficult. I indicated to her that I was going to help her with that. For this, I used the inner child technique and gave her the suggestion:
"I'm going to forgive my parents, including that seed-shooting guy I don't know. He did 1 thing right after all, because you are here."
Her mother had already died (13 years earlier), when she thought of her mother she had to honestly say she was glad she was dead. She already had that partial spinal cord injury then and was angry that she couldn't do anything then anyway. Right now she felt more anger and sadness about that situation.
On whether there is something after death, she doubted. It could be, we'll take that into the suggestion for a moment. For example, that this mother is in some kind of heaven and has been able to look back on her life.
This took a moment to include in the suggestion I gave her.
"Close your eyes and imagine you see your mother. What would you like to say to her?"
It remained quiet for a long time. "Yeah, why she didn't take care of me."
I told her she could tell her mother and she did. Then I asked if her mother had heard her; she had no idea. Then I indicated that she could say this louder.
So it was said louder "Why didn't you take good care of me!"
A little louder each time. Then I asked if her mother had heard her. The answer was no. I encouraged her to say even louder why she hadn't taken good care of her. She really needed to throw it out there.
I gave the suggestion, "Find a way so she does respond. Maybe go to her. Hold her. You may also do this mentally. Yell, slap, no matter what you do, but grab the attention...Can you do that?"
Things worked out a bit.
That's right. Something is always better than nothing. I asked if her mother heard her now.
Angela: "Yeah, but I'm in front of her screaming now, but it doesn't seem like it's penetrating her."
That's OK, as long as there is some kind of attention. There was. Then I gave her the suggestion:
"Okay, I'll count to three in a minute, then snap my fingers and you're your mother. 123 (snap). You step into your mother, you are now your mother and you hear your little daughter screaming, what happens to you?"
Angela: "Yeah tricky. I can't relate to her very well."
Edwin: "Just do it ... what happens?"
Angela, in the role of her mother: "Yes I'm not so sure."
Edwin: "Yes, because nothing is coming in, but mother of Angela, you hear your daughter screaming, what do you think about that?"
Angela, in the role of her mother. "Yes I couldn't take care of her."
Edwin: "But is that because of her?"
Angela, in the role of her mother: "Yeah, I didn't want her at all."
Edwin: "Yes, but is it because of her that she's there?"
Angela, in the role of her mother: "No."
Edwin: "No, it's just so ... do you love her?"
Angela, in the role of her mother: "....ja."
Edwin: "Okay, say to her, 'I do love you and it's not because of you that you're there, but I couldn't take care of you.' I just couldn't. I'm sorry." Say that"
This repeated Angela in the role of her mother and then I again gave her the suggestion to come into herself after 3 counts and that she heard her mother say this and I asked her "What do you think about that?"
Angela (as herself): "...Then I think, would have given me up or something."
Edwin: "Say that."
Angela: "Then had me relinquished or something, that someone else could take care of me."
Edwin: "Yes and how does your mother respond to that?"
For this, she had to get the suggestion to get back into her mother.
Angela in the role of her mother: "Yeah I couldn't get that over my heart or anything then."
Edwin: "Yeah for that maybe she loved you too much anyway" Angela agreed. Then I gave her the suggestion to say as her mother to her daughter "Yes, I couldn't. I loved you too much for that."
When she had done so, she was again given the suggestion to come into herself. I repeated what her mother had said and asked what she thought.
Angela: "Yes, would have shown that then, had that been noticed."
But could she? No she couldn't. I asked her if she understood from her mother's point of view and she did. Then I told her she could tell her mother.
"I understand you and I forgive you."
Edwin: "Good, with that you let go of everything. Everyone has their story, skills and abilities. She didn't have the abilities, but she had a good intention. Love was the good intention, but what came out as behavior just wasn't right for you. It's also quite difficult when you don't have those abilities.
It's not an excuse, because you can learn things, can ask for help. You could have done all kinds of things. But how many people around you do you know who actually need to ask for help. The same goes for me and also for your mother.
Only when you are in the middle of it ...If we understand the intention. Then we can understand, forgive and release.
Now I want you to go back into your past. That you see that little girl in the age of 2/3. Can you imagine that?"
Angela: Yes
Edwin: "Then I want you to say to her. It's okay, you're okay, you can be there. You say that to your little self. You say It's okay, we survived. So you don't have to struggle anymore. It's okay, it's done. We can do fine on our own and we have help. It's fine. Then you say to your little self "I forgive you."
Angela: "I forgive you"
Edwin: "Then you see that little girl growing up. She's smiling, she's free, happy and joyful, and ... completely whole, you could say, in the sense that she doesn't necessarily need someone just to be happy...To feel peace, to feel love. She is whole, already completely whole...and you can see it. Wow, she shines all over, like there's light all over....
And you give her a hug, you that girl and that girl melts into you like a little light. That little, 3-year-old light, so pure, so light, so full of peace, so full of love, so much happiness. And that grows up, it grows up, she becomes 4, 5, 6 and that light just gets stronger and stronger... And that light gets stronger and stronger, then she becomes 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... All those moments turn into light, love. Also with your father, even to your biological...Your mother, who you thought would be the village idiot, you think, "Ah yes, you know, one."... And then love, you seem to feel now, and that love and that peace, that happiness goes through every cell, fiber, nerve, muscle of your body... quietly, slowly and it all takes time... She turns 20, 25, but you already feel it happening. You feel it's already forming somewhere in your body a kind of maybe relaxation... Maybe you feel an itch, maybe you feel something else, but it's already starting to happen... 30, 35, all the way to now, bathed in light and peace, because that's you, that's who you really are... And the only thing around it is just a story. And that story is a story with all different characters, and one is Angela, and the other is your mother. And al is your father, and then we all need each other in that story to learn something... And sometimes we have no idea what to learn and don't understand anything at all. But then it's always good to realize, "Oh wait a minute, I'm safe, I'm peace, I'm love. The story stops me, but that peace and that love, it stays. Because then I am real."... And while you do feel that, and we feel that way, what happens now?"
For Angela, it did feel a little quiet.
Then I expanded on that calmness and asked her to think about construction workers with this feeling and what happened next.
Most of all, she thought, they should stop sometime. That you can't quite imagine when they start and when they stop. All that piling, you'd say it just loosens the pain, but then that doesn't happen. She also didn't have a problem with construction workers. So again I could relate back to the intention, that often the intention is good, but the behavior is less so.
Visualizing physical sensations
Because she had a partial spinal cord injury and neurological pain, she also suffered from painful feelings in her body. Hypnosis can help reduce chronic pain[2] and this can be done with visualizations.
So how did that feel in the body now? She did feel more space in her body. The nerve pain especially made her feel like her chest was in a kind of vise, all the way around.
Then I started doing a visualization with her. I asked her if she could imagine this and what kind of material this was made of, so metal. I asked her if she could see where this is being tightened. She could, when she thought about it she got all weird. Then it got worse. This was a signal to me that she could control it with her thoughts.
I indicated to her that with that thing where it is tightened, she could tighten and loosen it. I asked her to give this a try to loosen it up.
Angela: "Yes it is something neurological, with nerve damage there is nothing I can do about it."
Then I indicated to her that when she just thought about it, it got worse, and if you can make it worse with thinking, then you can also make it less bad.
"Imagine, if we do stay in the construction business. We go to the construction workers and we borrow a grinder. You don't mind that because you have the noise-canceling headphones. You use that grinder now and with that you go through that vise. Now you get to do it and you're going to do it so many times that it's going to fall apart completely. So concentrate. That grinder goes fast (makes grinder sounds), until it falls off in chunks. When that's done, what happens?"
According to Angela, there was more room then. I asked her what happens now then, what it looks like now for her idea.
There was still something around it. I then indicated to her to remove that too, perhaps with scissors, or cutting torch. The body stays whole, but the rest you grind, cut or burn away.
Then she indicated that there was still something on the inside, a kind of tire. I asked her if it was rubber or metal. Surely this was metal. So then I indicated that she could use metal shears to cut this away on the inside as well so that it falls into all pieces.
"Imagine all those pieces of metal, you put them in a pulverizing machine. Then they become very small things and we drain that toward let's call it ureters. Then you pee that right out. That can feel pretty strange, but then it's gone. How does it feel in your chest now?"
Angela: "Yes, it doesn't feel quite right yet."
I asked if there was room now. And she indicated there was something. This is a good sign because then she can do this exercise more often. I indicated this to her, but also that she has a lot to process right now. So that she can just do this tomorrow and whenever it suits her to feel a little better.
I then asked her what happens when she thinks about the idea of being abandoned now. She didn't know. Actually quite crazy and separate. In fact, I noticed that it no longer made her emotional.
She also noticed that she couldn't get to that feeling anymore. I then indicated to her that she had finally done this herself. She had asked for help and she got it.
She did notice that she was dead on her feet. And that was not surprising at all, because she had been doing a lot of mental work. That's pretty tough, but the unpleasant feeling of being abandoned was gone. She also felt a little crazy, which are very normal feelings after a successful hypnosis session.
See the entire session for yourself.
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