How do you get rid of social anxiety as an adolescent?
As an adolescent, you sometimes find yourself in situations where you need to start a conversation or say something. Presentations at school, making a connection for new friends or impressing the opposite sex. Just lying well in the group/class. There is quite a bit going on when you are in high school. This can cause social anxiety
Afraid of reactions when you do something
That fear manifests itself, for example, in thinking about how people are going to react to you when you do something. Usually you find out that when you do something, there will be a normal reaction. Rationally, logically, you also understand that there will be a normal reaction.
But your body and your emotions are telling you, “No, they’re going to react really strangely if you do this.”
Not a nice feeling.
You're afraid you're weird
That fear of getting a negative reaction when you do something is often because you’re afraid you’ll do something weird—and that means you’re weird. That people will then say:
"That one, that's a really weird person."
Not helpful if you want to fit in in the classroom.
That uneasiness is also a kind of fear that you’ll do something wrong. That if you open your mouth, you’ll say the wrong thing. Or that you’ll stumble over something. It makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
Not good enough to be accepted by your classmates, for example.
Now there's good news for you.
Everyone is working with themselves
All those thoughts about saying something or not saying something, not wanting to appear weird, all those fears are thoughts about yourself. You are dealing with yourself.
The cool thing is, you're not the only one working with themselves.
Everyone is mostly concerned with themselves. Perhaps with very different thoughts, such as what they are going to do after school. Who they want to meet up with. Which subject they should try a little harder for, and probably whether they are "normal enough" to be good in class.
Then when you come into the picture, it's briefly, "Hey, what's up?" And you say, "Good." Then the thoughts about themselves move on.
This feels incredibly liberating, doesn't it? That everyone is primarily concerned with their own lives?
Okay, then you stumble once. They see that and then they move on with their own lives. You might say something unusual once and then they move on. An hour later they've already forgotten about it.
When do people engage with you?
Generally speaking, there are only two kinds of people who are concerned with you: someone who is in love with you and someone you once hurt badly who wants revenge.
That infatuation, that's actually a really fun way for someone to be involved with you. It's incredibly flattering when someone is in love with you.
On the other hand, you might have wronged someone, and that person might then want to get back at you. However, most people don’t wrong others to that extent, so you probably don’t need to worry about that.
Smartphone and social anxiety
As a teenager, social media often plays a major role as well. It’s a way to work on your personal image online. After all, once you post something on social media, it stays there forever, so you often think carefully about what you do and don’t share.
There may be pressure to join certain online groups, such as a class WhatsApp group.
That pressure arises mainly from the fear of missing out[1]. Ultimately, this also depends on your own beliefs.
Because of this, you can be very stressed by chat apps and other social media, for example. Especially if you do get mean responses from classmates[2].
Then, above all, remember that those mean-spirited comments say more about them than about you. At the end of the day, who are mean? They are; you ultimately don't want to identify with those kinds of people either. So how bad is it if you're not one of them? Or missing something from the lives of people who aren't nice in the first place? Fortunately, there are plenty of other people in this world.
Sometimes, then, it can be more convenient to leave social media for a while. In the end, they are also more marketing channels than social channels. After all, you do meet up with real friends in real life.
The interesting thing about social media is that it usually doesn't create new problems, but often makes you more aware of problems that were there anyway. Fortunately, social media also offers opportunities[3]. The chance to showcase a fun hobby of yours, for example, when you make your own music, jewelry or something similar.
Then, if you are not very good at gym or a particular subject, that hobby can still make people or fellow students find something interesting about you.
Where does uncertainty come from?
If showing off your music or other hobby is the last thing you want to do, which is totally ok. Or if everything described above does nothing for you, then you can also explore where that insecurity - that you might be doing something weird - is coming from.
Hypnotherapy can help you figure this out, because once you know what the problem actually is, you can solve it.
That insecurity can be resolved in several ways. For example, if you often hold back while you have something to say, certain hypnotic suggestions can help you raise your hand or ask your classmate how it is then anyway.
You can then get suggestions such as:
"My voice may be heard."
"I am good the way I am."
"People like to talk about themselves," he says.
These are just examples. Depending on your specific fears, a hypnotherapist may offer different suggestions.
Another problem may be that you are balking at your own behavior, when you know you could do things differently.
In that case, the SWISH technique may come in handy. This technique links positive emotions to the behavior you want and negative emotions to the behavior you want to stop.
This subconsciously causes you to do more of what you want to do because it just feels better.
Still, is the problem a little more difficult to overcome than with encouraging suggestions or linking good feelings?
Regression therapy can also help you out. With regression, you go back to the very first moment you started experiencing social anxiety. Since you’re a teenager now, this is most likely a moment from your childhood. This is the period in your life when you determine what the rules of the world actually are and how you can function within them.
You're a little older now, and with the knowledge you've gained in the meantime, you'll take another look at that moment. The hypnotherapist will help you with this and help you look at it in a different way. This alone will allow you to see the moment again and that can cause the limiting belief to change, thus getting rid of your social anxiety.
Research also shows that hypnosis can help young people, for example, avoid taking up smoking just to be cool or even quit smoking[4].
Learn hypnosis for yourself or your (adolescent) child
Logic gets you a long way, but sometimes you also have to change the feeling of fear or what it's coming from, and that can sometimes be difficult. As you can see, you can achieve a lot with hypnosis.
Want to learn more about how hypnosis works? Then join the free online masterclass on hypnosis.
Want to learn self-hypnosis to help yourself or others? Then enroll in one of our trainings. The trainings are conducted online from a professional studio, so nothing can stop you from learning hypnosis and you get the quality that you also get face-to-face.
Sources:
[1] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407521991917
[2] https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/IntR-02-2017-0077/full/html
[3] https://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/aafcs/jfcs/2018/00000110/00000002/art00008
[4] https://www.atlantis-press.com/proceedings/icest-19/125945451