An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Sometimes that just feels best when someone has done something to you. You then think of taking revenge. Getting revenge is something that many people think is a natural feeling, but that is not entirely true. That's why in this blog I discuss what influences your choice to take revenge and what you can do to make that decision in a good way
Getting revenge on someone
Revenge is making someone pay something. Someone may have done something to you and you want to do something back to that person to make you feel better again.
This is something you can do from an early age. When a child hits you, you still hit back as a child. If you get cut off on the highway, before you know it you're suffering from road rage and you're one traffic argument away.
It can be bigger, too. For example, you've been scammed someone has stolen money behind your back and then you can also become totally boiling with anger.
There is also another form of revenge. For example, if you are dumped by your lover because you have become too fat or ugly, losing weight is often an act of revenge. Showing that you are better than the other person. Showing that you mean more to people than the other[1].
You start thinking about revenge, but what are the pros and cons of this?
Benefits of Revenge
Revenge has a number of benefits, including preventing future suffering by the same person. Strengthening future cooperation. Restoring self-esteem and power in the person who has had something done to him (if he thus takes revenge)[2].
Disadvantages of revenge
However, taking revenge can also cause other symptoms such as developing depression and a lower sense of satisfaction with life.
This may be because revenge creates good feelings only when the person you are retaliating against understands why you are retaliating. If this understanding is lacking, it can create the feeling that the event is not closed[3].
If your revenge is out of control, you may even find yourself facing justice.
Factors involved in taking revenge
If you want revenge, there are a number of factors that will determine whether you actually take action, namely:
- How long you stay angry about what happened.
- What revenge costs you (or what you gain from it).
- Norms and values about revenge from your culture or religion.
- The existence of a legal system that can get revenge for you.
In the Netherlands, there is a well-functioning legal system which means that if you have been violated you can report it and that person has to answer for it. You may think that prison sentences are too short here, but don't forget how difficult it is to live a life when you have a criminal record. Arranging insurance and finding a job then becomes a real pain in the ass.
The culture of the Netherlands has a Christian base that still often makes you want to give the other person a2nd chance. You want to "turn the other cheek", but how often can you do this? After all, you only have two cheeks. Moreover, in the Netherlands it is more normal to talk problems out than to become violent.
What does revenge cost you or what does it win you? This is the question that is important in revenge where you want to hurt the other person back, that can cost you a criminal record. Or the question that is important if you want to show the other person especially that he/she is nothing to you anymore. You then gain a meaningful life. A life where you show what you are capable of and where your talents are recognized. Surely that is a fine revenge.
The annoying thing about revenge in the more violent way is that you have to stay angry to have the energy to freak out. You keep thinking about the harm that has been done to you and you can't move on with your life. You keep repeating it and traumatizing yourself with it. If this goes on long enough it can take destructive forms that make you want to hit back or at least win back.
Tips for getting revenge
So how best to retaliate? To do this in a good and healthy way, I have some tips for you.
Tip #1: Fuck them
Realize that with your resentments of pain, you are not helping yourself. Therefore, this tip is also fuck them instead of fuck them up. Just fuck them up. You can't really start anything with people who don't listen to reason. Just let them go and show them that they mean nothing to you and that you will live your life regardless of their evil intentions.
When people with evil intentions can no longer interfere in your life, because fuck them, you no longer suffer from those intentions either.
Do you find it difficult to walk away from difficult people? Then a hypnosis expert can help you figure out why this is so difficult for you, so you can more easily find a solution to this problem.
Tip 2: Show that you don't care
Once you have implemented the first tip you can implement the2nd tip. Simply live a better life than the person you want revenge on. With this mindset you will actually grow and get yourself out of the destructive mindset of violent revenge. This is actually great revenge because it leads to a great life.
If you think you have nothing to show for it or that you can't develop yourself, or don't know where to start, a hypnosis expert can help you with this. For example, a hypnosis expert can help improve your sense of self-confidence.
Tip 3: Make it a project
Has someone done something to you that affects many people. For example, have you been hit by someone who has been drinking? Have you been bothered by a loverboy/pimp. Some problems lurk through society and everyone just accepts it and does very little about it. As revenge, you can make it a project to make people aware of your problem and that you are not a unique case. With this you get the best revenge.
Do you find it difficult to tell your story and raise awareness, but do you think this is a good idea? You can also do this anonymously, or under a pseudonym.
Is that too exciting? Then a hypnosis expert can help you take the steps. This can be done, for example, by visualizing the steps you need to take so you know exactly what to do and what emotions you may run into.
Tip 4: Play the game better
Sometimes just being a better person than the person who did something to you is the best revenge. Just play the game of life better. Find your passion with which you conquer your world. Have good relationships with people who have your best interests at heart instead of people who have their own best interests at heart.
Take care of your body and mind and just play the game better. Then you can thumb a long nose at them later if that person is still busy hurting people and ripping people off. That may work in the short term, but in the long term that person just doesn't have a life.
Tip 5: Strengthen your sense of self-confidence
Someone has done something to you in some area of your life. Maybe you were cheated financially. Maybe it was your physical integrity and maybe your relationship is fucked up. But that is just one part of your life and says nothing about you as a complete person. To let that alone diminish your entire self-confidence is a waste. Therefore, strengthen your sense of self-confidence again.
A hypnosis expert can help you with this.
Tip 6: Strengthen your sense of control
When someone does something to you, it is also a moment when you had no control. In that moment you find out that when someone wants to do something to you you don't always have control over it. This makes a dent in your sense of power in your sense of control.
Fortunately, there is much you can do to improve your sense of control. You can read up on how to deal with what happened to you so it doesn't happen again.
A hypnosis expert can also help you regain a sense of control. There are several techniques for this, such as giving hypnotic suggestions.
With these 6 tips and information on getting revenge, you can now get revenge in a healthy self-helpful way. Hypnosis can play an important role in this process. Want to know exactly how hypnosis can play a role? Then come to a hypnosis playshop or enroll in one of the training courses of the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands.
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/articles/201901/the-best-way-get-revenge?collection=1126993
[2] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00322.x
[3] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S002210310900050X
