There are many times in your life when you can't feel good enough. During awkward moments, for example, when you slip up during an important presentation at work, when you are over- or underdressed at a party. However, if you feel daily and maybe even all day long that you are not good enough and it makes you really unhappy, then it is time to do something about that feeling. Because, as I said earlier, you are good enough.
Not being good enough
Not being good enough is actually nonsense. In fact, this is a feeling you can have. For example, this feeling can come at times when you are criticized, such as during an evaluation interview at work or when your partner says that the house is such a mess (apparently you should be cleaning it up and not your partner???).
The biggest cause of this feeling usually lies in your childhood. A teacher may have said you are not good enough, or maybe even one of your parents. In fact, parents who don't feel good about themselves can sometimes project their problems onto their child.
Then again, you may indirectly feel that you are not good enough. Suppose you grow up in a family that is dysfunctional because one of your parents is an addict, a narcissist or because there is violence in the home, for example, then you don't get the love you want as a child.
Love is precisely something you need as a child, because you know that a parent who loves you will keep you alive. However, as a child, you often do not understand that an alcoholic is sometimes there for you, and sometimes overwhelmed by his/her own emotions seeks refuge in the bottle. You do not understand that a narcissist is not really capable of giving real love at all, and in cases of violence, there is obviously something totally wrong with love and how it expresses itself.
Because you still need that love you can try all sorts of things as a child to be loved, but if your parents don't solve their own problems themselves you never really get quite what you need. Which can make you think you are not good enough no matter what you do[1].
Depending on what you choose as a subject to get love from, such as doing well in school, being super social to your parents, being athletic or being super musical, you may also think you are not good enough in those parts of your life later on. For example, in your work if school was what you were trying to get that love with.
Why am I not good enough
If you are wondering why you don't feel good enough, rethink this question to "why don't I feel good enough," after all, you are good enough even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
Have you been suffering from feeling inadequate for some time, or has this happened only recently?
If you can't pinpoint very clearly why you don't feel well enough, hypnosis can help. Regression therapy, for example, helps you pinpoint the moment when you first felt not good enough and what caused this feeling at the time. You then look at the not-good-enough pattern you have unconsciously developed in your life and work with it to interpret all those moments in a different way that you are good enough, and that these kinds of feelings often lie in the interpretation of a situation.
The hypnosis expert helps you see the event from a different angle. For example, who may notice that your mother or father is insecure and is actually relaying that insecurity to you through small comments. This allows you to look at that moment differently and even forgive your parents.
Forgiving in this case means accepting that this happened and that your parents did their best. This does not mean that you necessarily have to visit them for coffee if this is a stage that has long been out of your life, but if you do have a good relationship with your parents, of course it can ?
Also check out this session on being good enough:
Fear of not being good enough
The fear of not being good enough can be very similar to fear of failure if this fear is especially prevalent at work. In social relationships, this fear can be very similar to the fear of being rejected.
First, I will address the fear of not being good enough at your job.
For example, research shows that you can do your best. You take your responsibility at work and support colleagues and still feel like you're not good enough.
This may be due to the reward system at your work[2]. For example, you never get a compliment from your supervisor and a bonus is not in the cards.
Sometimes role reversals at work can also make you feel inadequate. For example, if you still work at a very old-fashioned company as a woman and they expect you to do the dishes in the coffee shop, this can make you feel worthless, because it apparently doesn't matter that you are meeting all kinds of company goals.
In addition, this fear can also make you feel like a fraud. Even though you are good enough, by not feeling good enough you feel like you are acting everything out. This can make you stress about getting caught one day.
This stress can cause when you do get promoted, you fear that you are therefore not good enough and get caught on this, you resign. When you do this a number of times, the next employee may think that you are indeed not good enough for a top position in a company because it just seems that it has gone over your head each time because of the short periods in which you have had a top position. As a result, you are therefore blocking your long-term success.
If you think you can always do it later, the actions you take now may cause later people to believe you are not good enough. When clearly you are good enough[3].
You may also suffer from this fear if you are a perfectionist. Because you don't think you are good enough, you may think your colleagues and supervisors don't think you are good enough either.
In the case of fear of failure and feeling like you're fooling people, hypnotic suggestions can also do an awful lot to help you suffer less from this problem, in addition to using regression. Because the way you grew up also plays a role in fear of not being good enough at work. For example, if there were a lot of expectations of you about your school performance and you were not given much heat otherwise, you can suffer from this. Oddly enough, the same is true if you come from a family in which it is precisely not expected that you become successful. This can include families with laborers or other simple jobs for the parents. Children may then not be encouraged for success because it does not fit the pattern of the family. You may then also get the fear of becoming "better" than your parents.
So in addition to regression, hypnotic suggestions.
These types of suggestions depend on your beliefs about how the world works and how you function in it. These may include, for example:
"I'm good enough, that's why I have this job."
"I'm allowed to make mistakes, as long as I learn from them."
"It should be good, not perfect."
"My boss is not my father/mother."
These are just examples. Depending on your beliefs, you can get other suggestions to suffer less from the fear of not being good enough at work.
I don't feel good enough for him/her
Another place where you can feel inadequate is in your relationship. There are two ways this can happen. On the one hand, you may be unsure of yourself. You may find yourself unworthy of love and care.
On the other hand, your partner can praise you tremendously. If your partner assesses you as better than you are, this is actually good for your relationship, but then, of course, if you let that dream crumble once, it can be very disappointing for your partner. So if the difference is too great and you notice this, you can also suffer from the feeling that you are not good enough for your partner.
You then actually fear during the relationship that at some point your partner will see the light and leave you.
This form of not feeling good enough may be related to the form of not feeling good enough for your job.
In addition, this feeling can make you feel that your relationship is not stable, while your partner may feel that they are in a stable relationship.
Also in this case of not feeling good enough, regression and techniques to improve your self-confidence can help you suffer less from this[4].
Would you like to help people with this fear, for example, with hypnosis? Then come to a hypnosis playshop, also in Zwolle, to see if this is something for you.
Instead, do you want to learn much more immediately? Then come to one of our seminars or enroll directly in one of our training courses. Ask about online options if that suits you better.
Also pin this handy infographic:
Sources:
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201410/do-you-feel-not-good-enough
[2] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0305764960260309
[3] https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Manfred_Kets_De_Vries/publication/7592973_The_dangers_of_feeling_like_a_fake/links/546388100cf2c0c6aec4e06d.pdf
[4] https://dc.ewu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=https://scholar.google.nl/&httpsredir=1&article=1276&context=theses
