Guilt is close to shame, but it is slightly different. Guilt shows that you know something is your fault and is therefore less taboo than shame. This does make it easier to talk about than something you are ashamed of. Still, this does not mean for everyone that you can get on with your life. You can be distracted by it, making it difficult to focus on what you are doing.
That's why in this article I'll discuss guilt, how to get it and what mental techniques help you suffer less from it.
What is guilt?
Guilt is a negative emotion. It is an emotion that can sometimes be used to motivate people to do something, but it is not the best motivating emotion out there.
Guilt is a feeling usually caused by the belief that you have done harm to another person. For example, you may feel guilty because you once bullied someone. However, you can also feel guilty because you think another person is unhappy because of you, when the cause is not you at all.
You may also feel guilty for something you think you did to yourself. Guilt, for example, is common after a trauma, regardless of whether the trauma is due to yourself or another person.
People with chronic guilt are very good at blaming themselves for suffering in the lives of others.
The usefulness of guilt
Feeling guilty is not always a bad thing. When you have done something bad, the guilt ensures that you don't repeat that action again. It is an emotion that keeps you from stepping too much outside of behavioral rules that keeps you from becoming isolated.
If you've done something bad, of course you shouldn't downplay it, but feeling guilty can also be very illogical. That is why it is important to find out, why you feel guilty.
When do people develop guilt?
There are actually five types of guilt and they can also be linked to when and why people experience guilt(1).
Type 1: Guilt for something you did.
Feeling guilty for something you've done can be about something you've done to another person, as well as about violating your own principles. For example, you may feel guilty about cheating because you find it morally reprehensible to do so. Another recognizable guilt is feeling guilty after eating unhealthy food when you had resolved never to do so again or at least less often.
Type 2: Guilt for something you wanted to do but didn't do.
Sometimes you want to do something but haven't done it yet. But the very thought of the act, such as cheating, can trigger feelings of guilt. Ideally, you then want to put those feelings away, but the chances that you will then carry it out actually increase. It is better then to accept the feelings and take steps that will prevent you from doing something that is against your morale.
Type 3: Guilt for something you think you did
Sometimes you may feel guilty for something you think you did but didn't do. For example, you may think you accidentally harmed someone by wishing them something bad (even if only in your mind).
In addition, our memory is not perfect. As a result, you can get a false memory about something you didn't do, but so you think you did. For example, children can often think they are to blame for their parents' divorce, while later in life they hear the real reason for the divorce. So always check reality before feeling guilty for something that just didn't happen.
Type 4: Feeling guilty because you could have done more
Sometimes someone needs your help and you weren't there for a while. Afterward, you may feel guilty because you think you could have done more. This may be the case even though you did everything you could to help the other person. But afterwards, you can often think of a few things you didn't think of at the time. Or sometimes you have already helped someone so much that you need some time for yourself. This is also called compassion fatigue. Especially people in healthcare suffer from this, but it can happen to anyone who helps another person for an extended period of time.
It's important not to feel guilty, though. That compassion fatigue is ultimately a mechanism of your body to make sure you don't go under yourself by caring for someone else.
Type 5: Guilt for doing better than someone else
You have success in your life, but friends or family members don't. This makes you feel guilty, and that guilt causes you to do things to diminish your success, such as developing an addiction.
This guilt is common in veterans who have survived a war as opposed to other soldiers and in people who have been able to study as opposed to other family members, even if they are their parents.
Why must something be done about guilt?
Feeling guilty can cause you to stop living and not get all you can out of life. If your guilt is unjustified, this is a great shame and also if you keep thinking about what ever happened.
The last type of guilt also shows that guilt can lead to self-destructive behavior. Something you want to avoid at all costs.
Watch this video on guilt and dealing with it:
What can you do about guilt?
For people with chronic guilt, cognitive behavioral therapy is used to change automatic thoughts after an event. In addition, this form of therapy also helps to recognize thought patterns, such as making everything worse than it is and overgeneralizing. With overgeneralizing, you often think that if 1 thing went wrong there must have been a lot of things that went wrong that you hadn't noticed.
If something has happened you can't change it. The best thing to do then is to apologize to the person to whom you did something. Sometimes the things you did may seem much worse to yourself than how the other person experienced it. In that case, this is also a good check to see if your values about what is right and wrong match those of the person with whom you did what.
If you feel guilt from violating your own principles, such as drinking too much, eating or cheating, it's best to seek help to prevent it in the future.
When thoughts of something immoral make you feel guilt, you can apply acceptance and commitment therapy.
Acceptance and commitment therapy
Acceptance and commitment therapy is a form of therapy that combines mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy.
Indeed, mindfulness is a way of living in the here and now and accepting situations as they are. What you cannot change you then accept, for example. If you find that you start thinking about what you feel guilty about, mindulness can help you to be in the here and now with your attention again.
Also, mindfulness helps you distance yourself more from your thoughts, allowing you to respond to them more rationally. This can also prevent you from acting impulsively because of those thoughts.
In addition, this therapy involves examining your values and beliefs and finding out what you value in life. Hypnosis can help with this by digging into the subconscious for beliefs that you feel are important or that you want to change.
Like hypnotherapy, the use of metaphors to locate guilt is important in this form of therapy.
Hypnosis Against Guilt
Hypnosis can support acceptance and commitment therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Multiple studies have already shown that hypnosis enhances the results of CBT.
Hypnosis can also help to recall memories and see them from a different point of view. This can be done, for example, with regression therapy. This allows you to find out that your guilt is misplaced and you really could not have changed anything about the situation.
On the other hand, hypnotherapy can also help you look to the future again and boost your self-confidence so you don't make another decision that you feel guilty about later.
Want to learn more about how mental techniques can help you and others move forward? Then check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training courses, or come to a seminar.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201208/the-definitive-guide-guilt
