Why identity is stronger than willpower (and how to harness it today)

It’s January 1st—or just an ordinary Monday—and you’ve made up your mind: It’s time for a change. You toss your pack of cigarettes in the trash, sign up for a gym membership, or put on those running shoes that have been gathering dust in the closet for three years. You grit your teeth. This time, you’re really going to do it on sheer willpower. On pure, unadulterated willpower.

So? How long can you keep that up? A week? Two weeks? If you’re really tough, maybe a month.

After that, you’ll just end up back on the couch with a bag of chips watching Netflix, while that gym membership quietly keeps draining money from your wallet.

Why? Because willpower is a battery that runs out[2]. It’s a fantastic tool for the short sprint, but a disaster in the long run.

If you really want to change something in your life (whether it’s quitting smoking, starting to exercise, becoming more successful in your business, or finally finding that inner peace), you need to stop relying on willpower alone. You need to go to the source: your identity. Because believe me: identity is always—and I mean always—stronger than willpower.

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The “I am...” framework

Where do most people go wrong? It’s all in the language they use. Just pay attention to how we talk about our problems and our goals:

• “I want to quit smoking, but well… I’m just a smoker.”
• “I don’t want to be sick or listless anymore, but I’m just a patient.”
• “I’d love to start exercising, but I’m definitely not an athlete.”
• “I really want to feel good, but I’m just depressed.”

Do you see what’s happening here? Whatever you attach to the words “I am” becomes your identity. It becomes the law of your nervous system. And your brain has one sacred task: to ensure that your behavior remains perfectly aligned with who you believe yourself to be.

If deep down you believe, “I’m a smoker trying to quit,” then you’re essentially a smoker who’s temporarily denying yourself your favorite pastime. You’re at war with yourself. Your identity tells you that you’re a smoker, but your willpower is trying to suppress that. Guess who wins when you’re having a tough day? Exactly. Your identity. Your brain says, “See, this is who I am,” and you light up another one.

Remember this well: you aren’t “like that” at all. You’re just acting that way. And that’s a world of difference.

The secret to real, lasting change isn’t that you have to try harder to change what you do. You have to change who you are. Change your identity, and the behavior will follow naturally. Suddenly, it becomes easy. But then again, how do you do that?

The Hypnotist’s Trick: Start at the End

Let me give you a real-life example. At the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands, the Level 1 ( Hypno Principles) course has just started again. The first day is over. And every session, it’s wonderful to see what happens in that room.

People walk in, full of doubts. You can see them thinking: “Yeah, but Edwin, I can’t do this at all. I don’t really know how it all works yet. Hypnotizing people? Gosh, that’s really nerve-wracking and difficult.” They look at me as if I were some kind of magician and they were the clumsy apprentices.

Do you know what I tell them? I say, “No, stop. We’re going to do it completely differently. Today, we’re starting with the foundation: You ARE a hypnotist.”

Then, of course, you see them looking at you with wide eyes. “Me? A hypnotist? But I’ve never put anyone into a trance!” “It doesn’t matter,” I say. “Yes, it does—you are.” And the fascinating thing is: the moment they dare to accept that idea even just a tiny bit, something changes in their brain. They begin to learn the skills from a completely different perspective.

Because who do you think picks up the techniques faster? The person who thinks, “I’m just not a very good learner, so I’ll see if I can figure this out,” or the person who sits up straight and thinks, “I’m a hypnotist, so now I’m going to learn how to do my job”?

The hypnotist learns much faster. Why? Because it aligns with who he is. Identity opens the door to the skill, rather than the other way around.

What We Can Learn from Children

Actually, this principle isn’t anything new. We just lost sight of it somewhere along the way as adults. How did I figure this out back then? Simple: by observing children.

Think back to when you were just a little kid yourself. When children play, how do they do it? They don’t start by reading a manual on how to be a police officer. They don’t try to convince themselves through sheer willpower that they’re a pirate.

No, they call out to each other: “Okay, you’re the cop and I’m the criminal!” And boom. In a fraction of a second, they become those roles. There’s no doubt about it. In an instant, they have the body language, the look, and all the skills of that criminal or that police officer. They take on the identity, and the behavior follows immediately[1].

You used to be able to do that, too. The only problem is that we’ve grown up. And as adults, we’ve conditioned ourselves with all kinds of limiting beliefs. “Yeah, but it can’t just be that simple, can it? You can’t just call yourself a musician if you’ve never played before, can you?” What nonsense. It does take some getting used to, but you can simply adopt the idea of “I am this from now on” today.

The Robbie Experiment: The skill is already within you

I once applied this phenomenon years ago when I was helping out in a reading class. There was a little boy there who just couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class at all. He was incredibly easily distracted and stumbled through his words. The label had already been applied: he just couldn’t do it.

I sat down next to him and asked, “Hey, want to try a little experiment? Who’s actually the very best reader in the whole class?” Without hesitation , he said , “That’s Robbie. Robbie reads really, really well.” I said, “Okay, pay attention. Now pretend you’re Robbie. You’re Robbie. Sit just like Robbie does and read this passage as if you were him.”

His eyes began to sparkle. He adjusted his posture, gripped the book more firmly, and began to read. And believe it or not: he immediately read three times as fast. Flawlessly. Fluently.

So that ability to read well had been in that little head all along! It was just his own identity—the idea that “I’m that kid who can’t read well”—that was constantly getting in the way of that ability. As soon as he took on Robbie’s identity, the block was gone.

Children can also complete tasks better or for longer periods of time if, for example, they pretend to be Batman (source 1).

What about your goals?

So, what does this mean for you? If you want to learn a new skill, would it help to start every day with the thought: “Yes, I’m actually not musical at all, but I must and will learn to play the piano through sheer willpower”? No, of course not.

You have to start with your identity. Tell yourself: “I’m musical. I’m a musician. And I just happen to be learning a new instrument right now.” I know this sounds really strange at first, but just give it a try. Get into that mindset. You’ll find that you learn faster and stick with it, because a musician simply plays music.

Willpower, on the other hand, is like trying to squeeze water out of a dry stone. Willpower comes in handy when you’re running a marathon and you’re in the very last two kilometers, just trying to scrape across the finish line. But if you have to run that entire marathon from kilometer one on sheer willpower alone, or try to train using willpower while deep down you see yourself as a couch potato… it’s not going to work.

You want to be a runner. Because if you’re an athlete, then you exercise. That’s what you do. It’s not a difficult task; it’s part of who you are. Once the identity is there, the desired behavior follows automatically.

The same applies, for example, when you’re confronted with a negative identity (such as being a cheater ) to prevent you from cheating during a game. Because you don’t want to be associated with the negative identity of a cheater, people are less likely to cheat[3].

The Ultimate Test

Take the classic example of quitting smoking. If you want to quit, the very first step is to immediately let go of the identity “I am a smoker .” Yes, you’re still smoking cigarettes right now. That’s an action, a habit. But it’s not who you are.

Starting today, you’re changing your mindset. You say: “I am someone who chooses health and absolute freedom.” And that cigarette? It simply doesn’t fit with that. At some point, that new identity becomes so ingrained that you look at a cigarette and think: “Wait a minute…. That’s weird—why would I smoke? I’m not a smoker at all, am I?” The urge disappears because it no longer aligns with who you are.

It may sound like a simple trick, but it really works like a charm. It reprograms your deepest subconscious mind. So stop relying on willpower alone. Embrace the identity of the person you want to be, start acting like them, and see what miracles happen.

The Fast Track to Your Subconscious Mind

And that is exactly why hypnotherapy is so incredibly powerful. Many people think that hypnosis is some kind of vague trick, but in reality, it’s the ultimate highway to your subconscious mind.

And guess three times what’s stored there? That’s right—your identity. With hypnotherapy, you don’t just tinker with your behavior on the surface through sheer willpower. No, you directly reprogram that deepest software.

Whether you want to quit smoking for good[4], lose weight without the never-ending yo-yo effect, or break through deep-seated blocks to excel at your job: as soon as you flip that “I am” switch under hypnosis, your entire blueprint changes. You no longer have to fight temptation; you simply aren’t that person anymore. Boom.

Do you want to help people on a deeper, identity-level? Then knowledge of hypnotherapy is incredibly powerful. Come join the free masterclass to get started.

Or register directly for one of our events and trainings.

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