Falling out to people: The Freudian slip

Lashing out at people, suddenly lapsing into some kind of rant and when you're done you're like "what did I just do and say all that stuff?" immediately afterwards you have regrets or some other weird feeling of "that didn't go quite right" something like that. Where does that come from.

You may be familiar with the Better call Saul series. In this series, the main character is a man who became a lawyer with great difficulty. His much older brother is a respected lawyer and actually thinks he is just a brat.

During a court case, the older brother suddenly starts ranting after his younger brother says a few provocative words. All his frustrations suddenly came pouring out, along with all his beliefs about who is righteous and who isn’t. Suddenly, everyone saw that it was actually the older brother who wasn’t quite right in the head. A huge Freudian slip, as the English say.

Where does this tendency to lash out at people come from, and what can you do to better control yourself or simply stop getting triggered?

A Freudian slip doesn't have to be an entire rant, either. It can also be simply saying a phrase or word you don't really want to say at all. Or even suddenly going into an entirely different subject.

What is a Freudian slip?

A Freudian slip is actually a slip that insinuates another truth[1]. If an overweight woman asks if a dress dress dresses her nicely, it is of course socially desirable to say yes, or you are quite slim or something similar. But in the case of a Freudian slip, it suddenly comes out "You're a fat troll anyway."

As a listener, that's when you raise your eyebrows. That comment goes way beyond no. What motive would someone have to suddenly start swearing, or like the bigger brother in Better call Saul to go into an entire rant?

There's more to that.

Freud came up with the term parapraxis just over 120 years ago. Better known as a Freudian slip. According to him, this was an error resulting from repression, regulating dissatisfaction, unconscious conflicts, associations, and promoting and blocking events[2].

Unconscious Conflict

On the other hand, you can also use Freudian slip very deliberately. If someone is very irritating, you may or may not subtly make that clear that way. But ultimately, a Freudian slip is something you do with an intention, but with an intention that conflicts with a larger intention[3].

To come back to the comment made by the woman in the dress: For example, you have the sincere intention of being friends with her and having a good relationship. But on the other hand, you’re concerned about her weight and think she could do a little more to improve her appearance. You can then make the “fat troll” comment with the intention that she, too, becomes aware of this and does something about her weight and appearance.

But then again, that comment obviously doesn't help your larger intention, namely that of good friendship.

Woepsie.

Finding out values and intentions

To figure out why you experience Freudian slips, it might be helpful to make a quick top 10 or top 5 list of the values that are important to you in life and the intentions you have toward others.

If you keep having Freudian slips with the same people, such as your parents, take a moment to consider what intentions you have with those people. What do you want to achieve and what bothers you? Or do you have multiple intentions with them?

You might then wonder what’s causing this irritation. Is it due to their past behavior or your own insecurities?

For example, if someone has done something to you, it is quite understandable that you want to hit back, but with family members, for example, it is difficult because you generally have a long-term relationship with them. Addressing them about their behavior can provide some relief, but is no guarantee that what you find irritating about them is something that will go away.

In either case, you can really only do something yourself to change your feelings about those people so you don't suddenly lash out at them.

Giving Forgiveness

If someone has ever hurt you, but you still have to see them because of your work or family, it’s important that you forgive that person. You don’t have to go up to them and tell them you forgive them, but you can do so in your own thoughts.

Forgiving someone can help you feel better mentally and reduce or even eliminate the burden of unconscious conflicts. Forgiving someone makes you feel less angry and less hostile toward that person; you experience less stress and anxiety, and you generally feel better[4].

In your mind, for example, you can evoke a sense of pity. After all, what must someone have gone through to want to hurt you? That they find that normal?

You can also stay calm and take deep breaths and say to yourself (in thought about that other person) at times when you are having a hard time:

"I forgive you for this behavior. I understand it's not because of me, it's because of you and you've been through something that makes it hard to act normal. I forgive you."

This allows you to draw the power to yourself, so to speak, making it easier to stay polite and not suddenly lash out at that other person. It also gives yourself peace of mind.

Removing uncertainty

So in addition, you may also be triggered by your own insecurities to suddenly blurt something out. Not always convenient. So what then?

In this case, it is helpful to find out what beliefs cause you to feel insecure and attacked.

For example, some people subconsciously need to bring other people down to feel good[5], but in the end that actually makes you feel worse.

The values and intentions you have previously explored can also give you an understanding of insecurities you have and what you can work on.

After all, why do you care about something or have certain intentions?

If you then need to think about a particular belief that causes you to suppress yourself for a long time, increasing the likelihood of slipping up, it is important to change that belief.

There are several ways to do this. Regression is one of the first techniques you learn at the HIN to change beliefs.

In that case, you go to the first moment when you felt the insecurity that now causes those stupid slips. Then, with the help of the hypnotherapist, you start doing something with that moment in your mind.

These can be anything. Generally, these are moments from your childhood, which is why empathizing with people who were there at the time can already do a lot for you. After all, you know more now than you did when you were a child. By empathizing with other people, finding better explanations for what they did than what you could think of when you were a child can already eliminate many beliefs that are not helping you further.

Then it is important to place a new belief in that place where the removed belief was. This can be done by repeating hypnotic suggestions , such as:

"I am good enough the way I am."

"When I am myself I attract people who fit me."

"I get to be heard."

"I can do anything."

These are just examples. Depending on your beliefs and problems with Freudian slips, you may receive other suggestions from the hypnotherapist.

In addition, you can also receive a post-hypnotic suggestion. This is a suggestion that affects your behavior after hypnotherapy. This can be, for example:

"You go home later and you feel absolutely fine. The days and weeks after this you also feel good and say mostly what you want to say according to your main intentions. Everything is going well and you feel better and better and you notice that you have to think less and less to avoid slips of the tongue."

This is another example. A hypnotherapist may give you another suggestion.

Outright lashing out at people, whether in a rant or with a Freudian slip is always annoying. If only because you feel a little annoyed afterwards. This is often due to long-term suppression of something or an unconscious internal conflict. Resolving this conflict and other techniques can do a lot to prevent recurrence. Hypnosis can help you resolve all of this.

Would you like to learn more about hypnosis and these kinds of techniques? Then start by checking out the free online masterclass on hypnosis.

Or sign up right away for one of our courses. In the first course, you’ll learn how to come up with effective suggestions, and we’ll also cover regression techniques so you can help yourself and others.

Trainings are conducted online with sufficient assistance for 1-on-1 attention.

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