Why do you choose the partner or a partner now? What or what makes you choose a partner? And do you actually choose at all? If you have one, is it a real partner?
Why partner?
This is interesting though. Is a partner filler or complementary? We are social creatures and need people to socialize. It is our strength to help each other. Some people do need more socialization than others. For example, research shows that having a partner makes your life happier. This is true for employed people and for entrepreneurs. But this is especially true for self-employed people without employees[1].
It is nice when you have someone around you that you can rely on, trust and support. This could take the form of a partner, for example. You might feel a very deep connection with that person. That you really feel like you know that person. So really of "Wow, I just know you through and through.
But you could answer it another way: Why that person? Then it often becomes interesting anyway.
When you think about that, you do see interesting mechanics emerging. I think that is also one of the reasons why there are more and more singles. There are of course several reasons for this, too much choice is also a reason, for example. We are not all used to having many choices.
Also, the unromantic reasoning that we fall in love through chemicals. Then - after a year - you are ready to have children, and because of the child you produce chemicals again that keep you together for four years. Those are those unromantic explanations of that chemical reaction.
So you continue to "love" each other for a total of about five years, and then that dies out. A child is basically self-reliant from about four or five years of age and then it's done. The rest of the time it's "just" staying together. That is the biological, unromantic, explanation of why we stay together. Because, well, we've had a chemical reaction together, and that's it.
Values and twin souls
A somewhat deeper connection can be found, for example, in that you share the same values. You both value the same things. For example, you have the same faith and therefore it clicks. Or you admire each other, but this usually doesn't last very long. Then there are other explanations people come up with such as the twin souls, heart connection, belly connection and lust connection. There are several connections to think of and some sound more spiritual and pleasant than others.
I also know couples who have been together purely for lust for 20 years. In that relationship, that is then a very important aspect. People can think a lot about that, but if it works for them, it's good. So emotionally there are different connections to think of. Also mentally, there are pictures that can be thought of about what the perfect partner looks like. This picture is hypnotized into something you didn't have as a baby.
Your parents' relationship
The first relationship you see is from your father and mother and is very defining. If that was a good relationship, with lots of love and affection, then that is what you want too. On the contrary, suppose you had an abusive father, then of course you don't want that. Yet you often see women get a violent partner anyway. They are unconsciously attracted to such a person, because of course he is sweet and charming, and then all of a sudden he turns out to be a troublemaker. And then they generalize that all men are like that. But how can you be so wrong about such a man? Then while dating, pay very close attention to the signals he gives off and how you respond to them. In fact, research shows that women adjust their demands downward when they receive signals of rejection. A basket that plays hard-to-get can suddenly become a lot more attractive than he actually is[2]. If please behavior is a thing for you, such a difficult man can take advantage of it that way.
37 percent of men are looking for someone who looks like them. So such a man is looking for a woman who looks like him. Certain features in the face that resemble him and someone who has the same qualities as their mother. As a result, they also often meet women like their mother. If they had a bossy mother, they also often have such a woman. When you are not aware of this or do nothing with it and let everything happen, you often see this kind of pattern repeating itself. When you are aware of this and you do something with it, such as using hypnosis to break this pattern, then you start to choose with less outside influence and a different focus.
Looking inside or outside your comfort zone
Yet you often find yourself continuing to fish in the same pond.
For example, just look at our society of the past: we lived in tribes. There were white tribes, dark tribes, Indian tribes, etc, there was little mixing among them. Everyone also had their own religion. Now all that is a lot less, in fact it is more mixed. Biologically it is a great idea for society because we all become more resistant. Mentally, we all still find it quite difficult because we "don't know" the other. This is not the case with everyone, of course, but in most cases people have difficulty with change.
Nowadays, this is mixing more in the Netherlands. The interesting thing is that if you take a radically different approach - and join "Married at first sight," for example - the chances of staying together are then much higher. In the German version of this program, nine out of ten couples stay together. These are matched on biological characteristics, on looks, so that one looks like the other partner. This just works. When you look at someone who looks like yourself every day, it is pleasant and recognizable. If you look at the Dutch version, it works less well than in Germany. This may also be due to the fact that the Dutch are quite demanding. Then we go beyond thinking about what is good for us.
Match values and resemble
If we are matched on values, on beliefs, on what we care about, and if we are alike, then we are much more likely to stick together than if we just mess around all the time. So our natural tendency to choose the same thing we override with our thoughts "No, I want better and I want more." You also have more opportunities to choose now with all those swipe options. In the end, you'd still like to have a basis of equality. Because if I'm Catholic now and my wife believes in a different god, how do you do that when you have children? It can all work fine, but there are also plenty of examples of things going wrong when children come along. Some people want the child circumcised and others want the child baptized, and that's where it all starts. So then it is better, and this sounds very clinical, to have a foundation of the same faith and the same beliefs of what is pleasing.
In essence, my wife and I believe the same thing. This is a good foundation, in which my wife and I are also similar. In the fundamental things, which we both find very important, in that we do not differ. Then it becomes easier. People often say that opposites attract, but in the long run this often works badly.
So if you care about growing old with your partner you can think about this. If you don't care that much, that's fine too, of course. It is fascinating to me that you are hypnotized, so to speak, by your parents' relationship, that that is as it should be. Or do you want such a relationship?
Then I am also hypnotized from my tribe, from my culture. From what I recognize. I can try to reason about that, but you still often see that this doesn't work. For some, again, it does, because there are people who are more focused on other tribes. That can work just fine, too. Going for the familiar and for what looks like you works statistically better in the long run than just doing anything.
Also listen to this podcast.
Breaking hypnosis from the same partner
Do you feel like you've fallen into some kind of trap when choosing the right partner over and over again? Are you tired of having found the prince on the white horse, who then turns out to be just a frog? Then you can use hypnosis to break this pattern. In hypnosis, we first look with you at what demands your subconscious mind has when choosing a partner, so that you know which demands make sense and which do not. This is the basis for changing your program for finding a partner. Then you will work with hypnosis to install a new program. That is a program with requirements that do help you find a sweet partner who will help your life move forward and actually make you happier.
There are a variety of hypnosis techniques that can be used for this purpose. Your past can be looked at, as well as your future and how to get there.
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Sources:
[1]https://www.ceeol.com/search/article-detail?id=714014
[2]https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886916307486
