Planning, perfection, always stylish, never a penalty, always on time and always wanting to be in control of the situation and other people. Then again, this does not get you thanked and because it is impossible to control everything it is also a great source of stress. Eventually you may suffer from your need to always want to be in control and to always know who is doing what and why.
To make sure you suffer less from your need to be in control and to let go, in this article I will discuss being a control freak and how meditation and hypnosis can help.
The control freak in you
Everyone needs some control in his/her life, but this should not actually take over outside of yourself. Of course you need to have control over your own actions, but if in the process you also want to have control over your environment and people around you, this can become overbearing and very annoying.
Sometimes being a control freak can seem like perfectionism, but extending it beyond yourself. Your partner, home, workplace and co-workers must also be perfect.
In addition, you may also think that checking everything helps you in achieving success. This is not surprising either because famous people, such as General Wellington (from the battle of Waterloo) and Steve Jobs (founder of Apple) are also well-known control freaks.
But business success does not mean happiness .
Characteristics of a control freak
People who want a lot of control often have the following characteristics:
- A control freak wants to change other people, if only a little.
- Want to have control over she/he area, such as home or workplace.
- A control freak doesn't want to change anything about his/her own actions. (But if you are reading this as a control freak, you have already taken the first step in letting go.)
- Are afraid to appear vulnerable.
- A control freak may fear being abandoned.
- Jealous behavior.
- Dictatorial behavior.
- A control freak is pushy about making things go his/her way.
Emergence of controlling need
There are several reasons why a person may have a controlling need. Usually a person becomes a control freak because they have or have had little control of their own. Sometimes they may have lost control over a particular area of their life and instead of regaining control over it, they try to gain control over more irrelevant things, things that are easier (in their minds) to control.
This may have originated from, for example:
- Youth
- A disease
- A relationship
- Work
Childhood can be the root cause of controlling and perfectionist needs in several ways. For example, if you have had controlling parents of your own and therefore have not been self-controlled, you may want to make up for this in your adult life by being in control now.
If you have become seriously ill in your youth or at any other time in your life, this is a major confrontation with feeling in control of everything. When your body fails you, it can make a big impression on you. This can make you want to do everything you can to live as healthily as possible, and you can force this on your children and partner as well. In the end, you just don't want them to get sick too.
In some cases, you can then strike out that everything has to go right at work too because if you do get sick you want to have that financial space.
A bad relationship can leave you feeling like "never that again." This can cause future or current partners to keep comparing you to your previous partner who may have cheated. To prevent your current partner from doing the same, you can become very controlling, which in turn can be a turnoff.
In addition, your work can also cause you to be controlling at home (or at work). For example, if things are not going well at work, one can compensate by wanting to be in control of everything at home, for example, the house must always be tidy and everyone must behave in an exemplary manner.
Of course, this is an unrealistic expectation. A home is lived in and sometimes emotions run high. Especially when they are controlled.
The control freak's environment
Always wanting to be in control can make other people feel that they have to account for themselves always and for everything, even if it is just pouring a cup of tea. This can be very tiring and this is actually not normal in relationships.
This can cause irritations that eventually lead to the total loss of control and even the loss of the relationship.
Letting go of control
To suffer less from stress, perfectionism and disturbed relationships due to need for control, it is important to let go of that need, especially where it is not yourself(1).
Benefits of letting go of control
There are multiple benefits to letting go of control:
- You can finally relax.
- You suffer less stress.
- You see the positive things about other people faster.
- You are no longer focused on everything that goes "wrong."
- Because you no longer focus on controlling others or your environment, you control only yourself.
- Your own problems will become less serious as a result.
- Your relationships will actually become stronger instead of weaker.
- You can have normal conversations again.
Ways to let go
Letting go sometimes sounds easier than it is. Fortunately, you can get help to let go of control over others and situations. For example, you can use hypnotherapy and meditation to let go.
Hypnotherapy for letting go of control
As you've read, anyone can become a control freak if circumstances permit. If you suffer from controlling feelings yourself, it is important to find out why you have those feelings.
A therapist can help you dig into your subconscious for the cause of the controlling need during hypnosis.
This can be done in several ways, namely by simply asking about it and going deeper and deeper or through regression therapy.
For example, if you have no clarity yourself about why or when this arose, regression therapy can help you look for this moment in your life. This moment is characterized as a time when something happened that affected your beliefs about the importance of control.
Next, it looks at your beliefs and exactly how they are put together. The question of why you need that control so much is then answered.
In most cases, you will find that the belief does not actually make sense at all, or that it is based on an underlying problem.
Initially, the hypnotherapist can show you the bizarreness of beliefs that cause them to lose their power.
Secondarily, the hypnotherapist can address the underlying problem. For example, if the underlying problem is insecurity, you'll be given tools to rebuild your self-confidence.
Self-hypnosis for letting go
Also, the hypnotherapist gives you homework for self-hypnosis. During self-hypnosis, you relax and repeat for yourself the suggestions the hypnotherapist has given you. For example, if you need help with self-confidence this could be:
I'm totally awesome.
I'm smart.
I am someone to love.
These are just a few, but everyone ends up getting different suggestions (sometimes with overlap) because everyone is unique.
Meditation for letting go
In addition to hypnotherapy, you can also use meditation to release. Meditation is similar to self-hypnosis. In both cases, you start by finding a comfortable place and then focusing on your breathing. Then, when you are completely in the here and now, in self-hypnosis you begin by listing your suggestions.
Meditation, on the other hand, takes a different approach. For example, you can start with a mantra or observe every thought that comes to mind. Instead of identifying with that thought you observe it. You can do this by, for example, naming the subject of the thought and the emotion that comes with it. Then you focus again on your breathing to let the thought go.
In addition, there are many other meditation techniques you can try to release.
Being a control freak is very annoying, for yourself and those around you. That's why it's so important to let go of that control.
Being less controlling allows you to relax better and even strengthen the relationships you have. In the process, this also gives you the space to focus on yourself and thus face and solve your own problems first.
To let go of control, it is important to identify its cause, such as a childhood event or relationships in which you had absolutely no control. Hypnotherapy and meditation can help facilitate letting go of control.
Want to learn more about mental techniques that can help yourself and others? Then come to a seminar or check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training courses.
Also pin this handy infographic as a reminder:
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201106/let-go-be-happy
