Resolving love problems: what to do?

You may currently have a love problem or you may suddenly realize that no matter what partner you have, you always have the same love problems. Solving love problems, how do you actually do it?

Stages for solving love problems

If you have a partner with whom you have love problems you go through a number of stages, namely:

1. Identifying the problem (finding/noticing the problem)
2. Imagining and evaluating possible solutions
3. Applying the chosen solution
4. Determining/judging how to deal with the problem now
5. Determine/judge how effective the solution was
6. Determine how to proceed next

A number of things affect how this process goes, namely how everyone in the relationship feels, knowledge, beliefs about relationships, degree of self-control and the degree of thinking you can or cannot do something[1].

Among young people, jealousy is the most common love problem[2].

What do you believe about relationships?

Initially, it's helpful to realize what you believe about relationships. How you think relationships should work and what you should do to solve problems. In fact, these beliefs affect how you deal with romantic problems.

After all, if you have awkward beliefs about relationships it often causes you to be unable to solve problems properly. The way you then want to solve your problems often makes things worse. For example, you break up faster or start ignoring your relationship.

For example, do you have the belief that your partner cannot change or that arguing is bad for a relationship? If so, you are more likely to break up or not get out of trouble because you will ignore it instead of saying what bothers you.

However, are you good at solving problems? Then awkward beliefs are less important to how satisfied you are with a relationship[3].

Unhelpful beliefs about romantic relationships can be:

• People who have a relationship with each other should be totally open and honest with each other.
• By reading each other's minds, we need to know what the other is thinking.
• We must do everything together.
• We must do what it takes to fulfill the needs of others.
• We need to be able to change each other.
• Everything has to be perfect.
• It should be easy to keep the relationship good (source 2).

Your attachment style and being able to solve love problems

Research shows that the way you bond with people affects your emotions, how you deal with love issues and how satisfied you are in general with your romantic relationships.

For example, if you can bond well, there is often not much going on. You then also feel that the relationship is good enough to engage in separate activities. You can then also accept your partner as he/she is.

But do you have an anxious attachment style? If so, you may find it difficult to open yourself up to your partner because you are afraid you will be rejected. You also find it difficult to believe your partner and it takes a long time before you trust your partner. Then you may also be prone to jealousy.

If you have insecure attachment, for example, you may find it difficult to ask for help and support from your partner.

Do you have an obsessive attachment style? If so, you may actually become very controlling and want to be with your partner at all times. This can feel very intense.

How you bond with your partner in the early years of your relationship is often something that remains throughout the entire relationship if you are not conscious about it (source 2). This is also why, for example, you may experience the same love problems with your partner over and over again.

Optimism in your relationship

Being optimistic is also good for solving love problems. Research shows that people who have an optimistic attitude are better at working together to solve problems. In addition, optimism over a two-year period can boost your satisfaction with your relationship[4].

Your behavior in problem solving

So why do you behave a certain way when you need to solve love problems, and what influences this? Research shows that men are influenced in their behavior by their own satisfaction and their partner's satisfaction. Thus, if you as a woman exude more satisfaction, your husband solves love problems better than if you as a woman thus exude dissatisfaction[5].

Hypnosis and love problem solving

Hypnosis can be very helpful in solving love problems, as it affects your subconscious. Therapy for couples can also benefit from hypnosis[6].

Thereby, when you get "normal" therapy your defense mechanisms are still on. Then you have therapy with the person who at that moment has a kind of mental mask on. Because with hypnosis you work with the subconscious you are less affected by this and this can help a hypnotherapist get to the core of the problem faster[7].

You can also work with parts of individuals. For example, an angry part of someone may not communicate well with the other person if they feel hurt and listen to the other person's problem that way. With hypnosis, you can neutralize these feelings or show people that there are other parts of themselves that they can listen to as well, allowing problems to be listened to with a more open mind.

For example, you can respond to anger with a caring side of yourself instead of anger. Thereby, anger is not always due to the other partner either, but can be due to something else entirely. With your caring side, you can then identify that source and help your partner do something about it.

Hypnotherapy can make you aware of the multiple facets your personality has, which you can use when communicating with your partner.

Changing Unconscious Beliefs

For example, how you attach is something determined by unconscious beliefs. If you have an unhealthy attachment and cannot constructively deal with love problems because of this, a hypnotherapist can help you to still attach well and healthily to your partner so that you accept them as they are.

For example, beliefs about trust and how important it is to have someone with you at all times or not can be found out and changed to a belief that does help.

For example, if you find it difficult to trust your partner or to give each other a life of their own, you can use regression to find out where that belief that causes those feelings originated.

Often these are moments from your childhood, as you think about how life works and how you are supposed to function in it. Then you think about how adult relationships work, for example.

By then reinterpreting that moment, you can very quickly look at the situation differently and change your beliefs about how relationships work, making you more confident in your relationship, for example. This allows you to be more honest about how you feel and no longer get the idea that you have to see your partner 24/7 and do everything together.

Improve communication

If you can be honest and open with your partner - so they know where they stand - that helps a lot, but if you find it difficult to open up, you already have the first roadblock to a solution to love problems there. If you cannot be honest about your feelings, your partner cannot take them into account.

One way to become more honest about this is to build your self-confidence or ego. This can be done, for example, by repeating hypnotic suggestions such as:

"I am good enough the way I am."

"When I'm honest, it's easier to love me."

"When I am honest I get a partner that suits me and I can be myself."

These are just examples, depending on your beliefs that prevent you from communicating openly with your partner you may get other suggestions.

Changing awkward responses

Then you may also suffer from certain behavior patterns that are awkward for your relationship every time. For example, you have certain triggers that cause you to get angry or run away from a situation that actually requires a solution.

With hypnosis, you can change this pattern. For example, visualizations are used a lot. You can, as it were, make a video in your mind of a certain pattern in your relationship that you actually want to respond to differently than you do now.

You can then cut this video into pieces and even play it backwards in your mind, making it completely illogical for your subconscious to react as you always did.

Instead, you can put in a new video in which you, for example, behave in a helpful way. For example, you stay calm, you clean up when you see clutter, you start cooking when your partner can't do it for once. Things like that can be installed in your subconscious with hypnosis as "normal behavior.

Super convenient, when you can already solve love problems with a small change.

So solving love problems is often done with communication, but open and honest communication is easier said than done. Hypnosis can help you explore what is blocking this now and give you ways to be able to help each other with problems, making every problem actually no longer a problem.

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