Relationships have ups and downs. Especially during those downs, you can sometimes think about giving up when you may actually have it pretty good. There are also many things you can do to avoid the downs or at least make them less bad. Using mindfulness in your relationship is one way to avoid irritations.
That's why in this article I'll discuss what mindfulness can do in your relationship.
Strengthening relationships with mindfulness
Being in a relationship is usually pleasant and sometimes uncertain. Especially if you have not been in a relationship for very long, you are still probing each other. What does he like? What does she like? Can this person be trusted? Can I grow old happily with him/her? And can I overcome problems with this person?
When you feel it's right you can strengthen the bond between the two people. It has already been studied(1) how mindfulness can strengthen relationships of couples who are already reasonably happy and have no stress in their relationship.
It revealed that mindfulness in your relationship helps to have more relationship satisfaction. Strengthen the bond between the two people and accept each other as you are and reduce stress in the relationship, if there is any.
In addition, for the individual in the relationship, it had a positive effect on optimism, spirituality, relaxation and reducing psychological stress.
In this study, the goal was not to change anything in the relationship, just to strengthen the bond between the partners.
Mindfulness exercises to strengthen your relationship
One component of the mindfulness program was the body scan. This is a simple introduction that shows that mindfulness is not only about your thoughts, but also about emotions and feeling in your body.
In addition, they had to be mindful during a collaborative activity.
Mindfulness meditation during a shared activity means doing something together, such as hiking, playing a game, cooking food together and the like.
Even routine tasks you perform together, such as grocery shopping, can be used for mindfulness meditation.
What you do then is that both people are in the here and now with their attention. You are aware of the movements you make, the contact you have with each other, what the other person is saying to you, and you are not distracted, or at least as little as possible, by thoughts and judgments you make about the situation. The very idea is not to judge when you apply mindfulness.
You become mindful of the emotion evoked by a joint activity, and through that mindfulness you may also notice that the connection between yourself and your partner grows stronger.
They also applied mindfulness meditations where during meditation you are focused on your partner and the love you feel for him/her.
In addition, the couples were also given mindfulness yoga where the couples were given poses to perform in pairs. This is actually a component in which the physical bond with your partner is also strengthened.
Third were mindfulness touch meditation where you are focused on connecting with your partner as you receive a back massage. This was followed by a talk on what such sensual touch does to your relationship.
Fourth was also an exercise where you look at each other during meditation in order to fully absorb the goodness of the other person.
Later in the study, mindfulness in difficult situations was also explored.
This is a way to reduce reactivity and identifying too much with an emotion at such a difficult time so that you can respond in a way that gives more long-term satisfaction.
This research shows that physical contact as well as emotional and verbal contact can be strengthened to strengthen the relationship as a whole and to better handle the downs of a relationship and to better enjoy the ups in a relationship.
The benefits mindfulness offers in your relationship
Performing these types of mindfulness exercises will improve your relationship in multiple ways.
By being mindful during fun activities, you have more fun than if you think about something else during such an activity or if you suddenly think judgmentally. This is not a bad thing, but you should especially not value that judgment so that a negative emotion can ruin the fun moment.
For example, if you have agreed to go to dinner together and your partner is a little late you may get angry at this and then think your partner is selfish. Before you get into a thought spiral during such a moment, you can name what is going on. I have a judgment, which is that I am selfish, and I am angry. That's all you have to name in mindfulness.
In addition, using mindfulness makes you a better listener. Practicing to be mindful during joint activities ensures that you not only hear what your partner is saying but actually listen. This allows you to have much better conversations than otherwise, because real listening and mindfulness ensures that you don't just react to it, but give a thorough answer.
So you also become a better communicator yourself. This is because you are more aware of your thoughts, feelings and sensations. This is the foundation for very consciously saying something to your partner. If your partner asks what is wrong, you will have an answer sooner because you can check this very consciously.
All the physical exercises also make you more open to nonverbal communication. You also become more sensitive to the other person's needs through enhanced contact, making you a more caring partner.
Overcoming relationship problems with mindfulness
Life is often a succession of problem solving. Usually these are work-related, but problems can also occur in your relationship. For example, your partner often does not keep his/her word. You are someone who likes to do everything on time while your partner seems to have no internal clock and a conflict is born. It is important to speak out these things, because these are moments when you find out how your partner views them.
That's how you find out that he/she does have that internal clock, but likes to be a little less busy than you. That's how you find out that he/she is just really forgetful or sometimes promises things to get rid of "the nagging" temporarily.
This will allow you to better empathize with your partner in the future before making a request he/she cannot fulfill. Thus, you can make your own schedule a little emptier so that everything becomes more relaxed.
A relationship problem is very annoying because a pleasant relationship is often a foundation for a happy life. Breaking off a relationship brings a lot of stress and usually one of the partners also has to look for a new home. Very basic things necessary for a fine human existence can be jeopardized by a relationship problem.
This is precisely why it is important to overcome a relationship problem. You usually do this by communicating with each other about the problem and finding a solution that is acceptable to both partners.
What can happen during such a conversation is that you get all kinds of emotions about the problem and stop paying attention. It is precisely by being mindful during such a conversation that you can reduce reactivity and come up with a response that causes the problem to be resolved rather than exacerbated.
During such a conversation, you can name the emotion, but it is important to be mindful that you are having a conversation now and that whatever the problem is, that is not happening now. It is important, however, for both partners to be mindful during such a conversation and therefore not to blame each other additionally. It is important to accept the other as they are.
Even performing the exercises mentioned above can help you when such a stress moment is there because you will already have experience in eliminating judgments, no longer reacting directly to your emotion, but can have a conversation without the emotions taking over.
Want to learn more about how to improve your life? Then come to a seminar or check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training programs.
Sources:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005789404800285
