Admitting fault in relationship: Does it help?

Everyone makes mistakes, but admitting your mistake is another thing altogether, and so is the way it can happen. Because what if you don't discover your mistake yourself, but are blamed for one thing or another and then have to admit that you are doing something wrong in your relationship. What does admitting a mistake do in your relationship and does it help your relationship move forward? That's what I address in this blog

Blaming, good or not good?

In English it is sometimes referred to as the blame game, the game of blaming other people for something that happened to you. This is a game that actually everyone is guilty of at one time or another.

Usually, when something happens to you and it seems like you can blame someone else for it—rather than attributing it to coincidence or an accident—you immediately blame that other person. Only later do you realize that it was an accident or a coincidence, and then you can say “I’m sorry.”

This can also happen in a relationship. Due to circumstances, you didn’t clean up one time; you lost something, and it’s your partner’s fault—instead of your own carelessness.

Or if you can't sleep, it's because the other person is somehow making so much noise.

Who is to blame for something is important for our survival, this is also why it is so appealing to blame someone else for something. Then you know who you do want around you for good survival and who you don't.

Because this is so important, blaming previously went incredibly rational, with reasoning. However, researchers indicate that blaming someone becomes a direct response to an event, the emotions you have at that moment and the values that are important in your life.

Many people think that forgiveness is actually more important for your mental health, but that’s not entirely true either. It’s important to find the right balance between forgiveness and guilt.

The risk of forgiving abusive parents—or forgiving an abusive partner—is that this can become a pattern that causes you to lose your self-respect.

Guilt is then precisely a way to maintain your self-respect and indicate that you do not want to be wronged[1]. So in that case, it is very important in a relationship that the other person is willing to admit this mistake or indeed take the blame so that the behavior can change and so that you can see that your boundary is respected.

Admitting your mistake or not being able to do so

Admitting your mistake is a way of taking responsibility for what happened. There are several ways to do this. You can admit your mistake in a lighthearted way, such as:

"Woepsie, sorry I should have gotten more bread."

Then you can hint even more that you were wrong, instead of very directly admitting your mistake.

"I had gotten more bread, but it was already almost sold out."

This version may not be quite what you want to hear if you blame your partner for not buying enough bread, but it's better than total denial or blaming other factors.

After all, sometimes people don't want to admit they are wrong at all costs.

"Yes on my shopping list it says 3 loaves of bread and I also had 3 loaves of bread. It's all very weird."

When you find it impossible to admit your mistakes, this is often due to how you feel about yourself. If you have a very fragile ego and low self-confidence, refusing to admit your mistakes may be a way to protect your ego.

It allows them to change their outlook so that it is not a threat to their self-confidence or ego[2].

Admitting fault in a relationship

So there are multiple ways to admit fault, and in a relationship it can be very important. Admitting your mistake shows that you have a sense of responsibility and are open to avoiding such mistakes in the future.

There are all kinds of benefits of admitting mistakes in your relationship namely:

You show respect for your partner.

By taking responsibility and telling the truth, you show your partner that he/she is entitled to that truth and is no fool for you. This can be an important building block for your relationship.

You get respect

By taking responsibility for your mistakes, your partner will also respect you more, because you’re showing that you’re a responsible person who doesn’t run away from an unpleasant truth but wants to do something about it. In doing so, you also show that you’re a courageous person, which naturally commands respect as well.

Frees you from guilt

If you know you’ve done something wrong but haven’t admitted it, your conscience may start to bother you. This is also known as guilt. It’s as if you’re walking around with a secret, and this causes anxiety because, for example, you might get “caught.” By admitting your mistake, you’ll no longer be burdened by this guilt.

Helping you go further

It helps both people in the relationship to get on with their (joint) lives. This is because you are then also free of guilt and therefore there is no irritating little voice that inhibits you while you are doing fun things together[3].

Making admitting mistakes easier

As can be seen, admitting a mistake in your relationship is a good idea for the quality of that relationship. But how do you make it easier to admit you are wrong?

As mentioned, it can be very difficult to admit mistakes if you secretly suffer from low self-confidence, even though you would never admit it. In that case, building your self-confidence and ego can be the step needed to admit mistakes more easily.

Hypnosis can help you improve your self-confidence. This can be done, for example, by finding out what areas you are not confident in and then providing hypnotic suggestions to increase your self-confidence in those areas, such as:

"I'm allowed to make mistakes."

"I learn every day."

"I'm a good partner."

"My partner likes me."

"I have good morals."

These are just examples of suggestions, depending on your problems a hypnosis expert can give you other suggestions for building your self-confidence and ego making it easier to admit a mistake in your relationship.

Breaking the pattern of denial

In addition, at some point in your life, you may have developed a pattern that has made it impossible for you to admit your mistakes. This can be overcome, among other things, through regression therapy. With regression, you go back to the moment when the belief arose that you must never—and I mean never—admit that you’re wrong.

Next, you are going to do something with that moment. What this is depends on you, and the hypnosis expert guides you through this and helps you take the steps to interpret this moment in a different way than you did before.

This helps you break the pattern and that can help you admit more quickly after the hypnosis session when you are wrong in your relationship.

Visualize admitting you are wrong

Another way to make it easier to admit a mistake in your relationship is to visualize it. For example, is there a mistake you often make, such as not putting your keys in the designated place? Then you can visualize yourself admitting this. A hypnosis expert will guide you through this visualization. You visualize how you feel, what you do, what you say and all kinds of other sensory influences so that this comes across as real as possible and you can easily apply this in your daily life.

Such visualization can also end with a post-hypnotic suggestion. That post-hypnotic suggestion is a command to have certain behaviors after the hypnosis.

These may include:

"From this moment on, you report it to your partner when you have made a mistake that affects his/her life."

Admitting a mistake in your relationship is good for making your relationship as honest as possible and can deepen the bond between both partners. Not being able to admit mistakes can be due to low self-confidence and a small ego. Fixing this can already make it easier to admit mistakes in your relationship. In addition, breaking patterns and visualizing desired behaviors can also help.

Would you like to learn more about how hypnosis works? Then come visit the Hypnosis PlayShop in Wormerveer or Zwolle.

Instead, do you feel the need to immediately learn more about hypnosis and help yourself or others? Then come to one of our events or enroll in one of our trainings. Ask about online options if that suits you better.

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-we-blame/201901/blame-not-so-guilty-pleasure

[2] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201811/why-certain-people-will-never-admit-they-were-wrong?collection=1121154

[3] http://www.magforliving.com/8-benefits-of-admitting-that-you-made-a-mistake/