Self-respect is something that not everyone thinks about every day. This is because self-respect has to do with your own moral sense, and if there is nothing going on in your life, there is nothing going on with your self-respect.
When you have enough self-respect and can hold onto it, self-respect allows you to live a fine, meaningful and thriving life. Whereas if you cannot hold on to your self-respect or if it is very fragile you often live a bounded and frustrating life in which you do not have the opportunities to develop yourself and go for a happy life[1].
Meaning self-esteem
But what exactly is self-respect? Having self-respect means that your own opinions and feelings have value. You also have respect for yourself.
So self-respect means that you value your opinion, and this also means that you are not quick to adopt someone else's opinion unless well argued. You don't let another opinion be imposed on you because someone is a big bully.
Self-respect means that your feelings have value. Therefore, if someone hurts you, it means that person should apologize and stop the hurtful behavior. Otherwise, that person will disappear from your life.
Self-respect also means being respectful of yourself. You don't just let people touch you. You take good care of your body and want others to respect your bodily integrity as well.
Losing self-esteem
Self-respect is lost most often in relationships. This is called the doormate effect. For example, you have an argument with your partner. You forgive the person you are arguing with and agree to do things differently in the future, and then this does not happen. The old pattern just continues.
This pattern of forgiveness and not adjusting behavior after an argument causes you to be able to gain less and less self-respect[2]. Forgiveness is good, but if it does not change the behavior of the person you are arguing with, forgiveness can actually be bad for your self-respect.
In addition, you may also regret how you once were in the past. Perhaps you bullied children in your youth and now have little respect for the person you were then, but even now you keep thinking back on it with disgust for yourself[3].
A lack of self-esteem is also a symptom of borderline. People with borderline often use the opinions of others for their own opinion of self-respect. When they receive respect from others, they see this as self-respect[4].
Gain self-respect
So how do you gain more self-respect when it has been diminished by relationships or events in your life? There are several ways to improve your self-esteem, namely:
Standing up for yourself
This is a very exciting step if your self-esteem has gone away, because you are going to break the doormat pattern. Up to here and no further.
When someone hurts you for the umpteenth time or crosses your boundary you indicate that this is really the last warning and that the next time you will take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.
In your relationship, this may mean breaking up or temporarily kicking your partner out of the house to send a clear message. (Or in the case of abuse that you actually call the police or actually go and press charges)
In your work, this may mean complaining to your manager or changing jobs.
If you find it difficult to stand up for yourself, a hypnosis expert can help you with a guided visualization of what it looks like when you stand up for yourself. Because you then visualize this
Forgiving Yourself
It is ok if you realize that you have done things wrong in the past and maybe even now. After all, you can always change your behavior and start "over" in that regard.
To do this, it is important to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself may seem very strange, but it is the way to get over your own unwanted behavior[5].
It is important, however, that you change the behaviors from which you forgive yourself so that the forgiveness has meaning. Otherwise, you become the doormat of yourself.
Taking good care of your body
Your body is the instrument with which you move through the world and interact with other people. If you don't respect your body, why should other people?
By taking good care of your body. Pampering it with masks and spa days, exercise and healthy eating will make you look better. Because you've put all that effort into your body, this also makes you more respectful of your body and automatically expect this more from those around you.
That body of yours is only for that special person to whom you gift it and no one else.
If you struggle with taking good care of your body and setting your boundaries, a hypnosis expert can help. Help may include improving healthy eating and exercise and how to deal with when someone touches your body when you don't want them to.
Setting goals (and taking steps to achieve them)[6]
Setting goals and taking steps to achieve those goals can also do much for gaining greater self-esteem. Because you achieve personal goals, such as certain skills, you have something to be proud of and this also gives you respect for yourself.
Because you just did that. Learned that new skill.
Troubleshooting
Do you have other problems, such as a dispute at work or an argument with someone. Try to resolve these types of problems. By getting answers instead of letting the problem persist you will ensure more self-respect because the problem will no longer pull you down.
Regression
One very obvious hypnosis technique you can use is regression. With regression, you break the doormat pattern that has led to too little self-esteem. You do this by tracing the feelings of lack of self-respect, moments when you have allowed yourself to be walked over when this was not quite the intention back to the first moment when this happened.
You visualize all this while under hypnosis. In that first moment, you go back to it with your current knowledge. You empathize with yourself and how you could have done and also how the other person could have done.
Doing so will help you better process this moment and subsequent moments, breaking the pattern in your unconscious. This ensures that you will also show the behavior that shows self-respect more quickly.
Repeating beliefs with self-respect
Another step you can take for getting more self-esteem is to weaken unhelpful beliefs and instead repeat helpful beliefs out loud.
First, write down 3 beliefs that diminish your self-esteem. For example:
"The interest of other people is more important than my interest."
"I'm not strong enough."
"I'm not smart."
You will ridicule these beliefs. You do this, for example, by saying them in a weird way. As crazy as possible, so that it no longer means anything.
You then start repeating helpful beliefs for greater self-esteem out loud while in hypnosis. Being in hypnosis also allows you to feel this more deeply and it becomes part of your subconscious more quickly.
These can include beliefs such as:
"I matter."
"I have a voice."
"My body is mine."
Depending on your beliefs that cause you to have lowered self-esteem, a hypnosis expert can give you other suggestions to repeat out loud.
You also often get an mp3 with suggestions and visualizations to help you gain more self-respect. You can listen to these at home during self-hypnosis. To do this, find a comfortable place and relax. On the mp3 is also often an induction that brings you into hypnosis.
A lack of self-esteem often causes you to do things or have things done to you that you don't want at all. This is no fun at all and the recipe for an unhappy life. This is why it is important to work on getting more self-respect, because this will give you the key to do what you want and to develop yourself.
Hypnosis and other practical tips can help you for getting more self-esteem. Want to know how hypnosis feels and works? Then come to a hypnosis playshop. At our trainings you will also learn how to help people with hypnosis. Check them out and enroll, ask about online options if that suits you better.
Pin this handy infographic as a reminder:
Sources:
[1] https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/233719?journalCode=et
[2] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-07849-004
[3] https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/339140?journalCode=et
[4] Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (1993), Marsha M. Linehan page: 160
[5] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/009164711404200303
[6] Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (1993), Marsha M. Linehan page: 179/180
