Everyone makes mistakes, but admitting your mistake is another thing altogether, and so is the way it can happen. Because what if you don't discover your mistake yourself, but are blamed for one thing or another and then have to admit that you are doing something wrong in your relationship. What does admitting a mistake do in your relationship and does it help your relationship move forward? That's what I address in this blog
Blaming, good or not good?
In English it is sometimes referred to as the blame game, the game of blaming other people for something that happened to you. This is a game that actually everyone is guilty of at one time or another.
Usually when something happens to you and it seems you can blame it on someone else, rather than coincidence or an accident, you immediately start blaming that other person as well. Only then do you realize that something was an accident or coincidence and then you get to say sorry.
Similarly, this can happen in a relationship. One time, due to circumstances, there is a failure to clean, you lose something and it is your partner's fault. Instead of your own inattention.
Or if you can't sleep, it's because the other person is somehow making so much noise.
Who is to blame for something is important for our survival, this is also why it is so appealing to blame someone else for something. Then you know who you do want around you for good survival and who you don't.
Because this is so important, blaming previously went incredibly rational, with reasoning. However, researchers indicate that blaming someone becomes a direct response to an event, the emotions you have at that moment and the values that are important in your life.
Many people think that forgiveness is actually more important for your mental health, but that's not quite the case either. It is important to find the right balance of forgiveness and guilt.
The risk of forgiving parents who abuse you, or forgiving an abusive partner and this becoming a pattern is that you lose your self-respect.
Guilt is then precisely a way to maintain your self-respect and indicate that you do not want to be wronged[1]. So in that case, it is very important in a relationship that the other person is willing to admit this mistake or indeed take the blame so that the behavior can change and so that you can see that your boundary is respected.
Admitting your mistake or not being able to do so
Admitting your mistake is a way of taking responsibility for what has happened. This can be done in several ways. You can playfully admit your mistake, such as:
"Woepsie, sorry I should have gotten more bread."
Then you can hint even more that you were wrong, instead of very directly admitting your mistake.
"I had gotten more bread, but it was already almost sold out."
This version may not be quite what you want to hear if you blame your partner for not buying enough bread, but it's better than total denial or blaming other factors.
After all, sometimes people don't want to admit they are wrong at all costs.
"Yes on my shopping list it says 3 loaves of bread and I also had 3 loaves of bread. It's all very weird."
When it is impossible for you to admit your mistake it is often because of your sense of self. If you have a very weak ego and weak self-confidence, not admitting your mistake can be a way to protect your ego.
It allows them to change their outlook so that it is not a threat to their self-confidence or ego[2].
Admitting fault in a relationship
So there are multiple ways to admit fault, and in a relationship it can be very important. Admitting your mistake shows that you have a sense of responsibility and are open to avoiding such mistakes in the future.
There are all kinds of benefits of admitting mistakes in your relationship namely:
You show respect for your partner.
By taking responsibility and telling the truth, you show your partner that he/she is entitled to that truth and is no fool for you. This can be an important building block for your relationship.
You get respect
Taking the blame will also make your partner respect you more, because you show that you are a responsible person who does not run away from a nasty truth, but wants to do something about it. In doing so, you also show that you are a courageous person, which of course also creates respect.
Frees you from guilt
If you know you have done something wrong, but have not admitted it, you may suffer from your conscience. This is also known as guilt. You seem to be walking around with a secret and this creates tension because you could be "caught," for example. By admitting your mistake you also no longer suffer from this guilt.
Helping you go further
It helps both people in the relationship to get on with their (joint) lives. This is because you are then also free of guilt and therefore there is no irritating little voice that inhibits you while you are doing fun things together[3].
Making admitting mistakes easier
As can be seen, admitting a mistake in your relationship is a good idea for the quality of that relationship. But how do you make it easier to admit you are wrong?
As mentioned, it can be very difficult to admit mistakes if you secretly suffer from low self-confidence, even though you would never admit it. In that case, building your self-confidence and ego can be the step needed to admit mistakes more easily.
Hypnosis can help you improve your self-confidence. This can be done, for example, by finding out what areas you are not confident in and then providing hypnotic suggestions to increase your self-confidence in those areas, such as:
"I'm allowed to make mistakes."
"I learn every day."
"I'm a good partner."
"My partner likes me."
"I have good morals."
These are just examples of suggestions, depending on your problems a hypnosis expert can give you other suggestions for building your self-confidence and ego making it easier to admit a mistake in your relationship.
Breaking the pattern of denial
In addition, at some point in your life you may have formed a pattern that has made it impossible for you to admit mistakes. This can be broken, including with regression therapy. With regression, you go back to the moment when the belief arose that you should never, ever admit you are wrong.
Next, you are going to do something with that moment. What this is depends on you, and the hypnosis expert guides you through this and helps you take the steps to interpret this moment in a different way than you did before.
This helps you break the pattern and that can help you admit more quickly after the hypnosis session when you are wrong in your relationship.
Visualize admitting you are wrong
Another way to make it easier to admit a mistake in your relationship is to visualize it. For example, is there a mistake you often make, such as not putting your keys in the designated place? Then you can visualize yourself admitting this. A hypnosis expert will guide you through this visualization. You visualize how you feel, what you do, what you say and all kinds of other sensory influences so that this comes across as real as possible and you can easily apply this in your daily life.
Such visualization can also end with a post-hypnotic suggestion. That post-hypnotic suggestion is a command to have certain behaviors after the hypnosis.
These may include:
"From this moment on, you report it to your partner when you have made a mistake that affects his/her life."
Admitting a mistake in your relationship is good for making your relationship as honest as possible and can deepen the bond between both partners. Not being able to admit mistakes can be due to low self-confidence and a small ego. Fixing this can already make it easier to admit mistakes in your relationship. In addition, breaking patterns and visualizing desired behaviors can also help.
Want to learn more about how hypnosis works? Then come to the Hypnosis Playshop in Wormerveer or Zwolle.
Instead, do you feel the need to immediately learn more about hypnosis and help yourself or others? Then come to one of our events or enroll in one of our trainings. Ask about online options if that suits you better.
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-we-blame/201901/blame-not-so-guilty-pleasure
[2] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201811/why-certain-people-will-never-admit-they-were-wrong?collection=1121154
[3] http://www.magforliving.com/8-benefits-of-admitting-that-you-made-a-mistake/
