Claim your role as a winner and stop competing in life. It will only bring you misery.
Winning is more important than participating. I know that "Participation is more important than winning" is a popular saying, and you see it in school. At our elementary school these days there are only teachers. There is one master and otherwise there are only teachers. You generally see - and now, of course, I am going to tread on gigantic slippery ice - that women find winning less important than men.
Of course, this is certainly not the case with everyone. Yet you see that in schools, that winning is somewhat secondary. As if it's not that important, because everyone is important. Well I agree, everyone is important. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, I think, that's natural selection. You are important.
But why are you important? You are important because you have certain qualities. Maybe you are very good at drawing, math, language or you name it and you can excel in that, you can win in that. You might even win a prize.
Research shows that there is a correlation between children's motor development and the option to win. So that development improves when winning is important[1].
What bothers me so much is that precisely by participating in that, by focusing on someone's weaknesses, focusing on making that better, that in that you start pointing out precisely how bad someone is at something. Instead of focusing on how good someone is, you create a kind of mediocrity. There are always one or two who stand out. A few excel in sports, for example, or in math and language.
Drawing and music are obviously not that important and then you go already. What to do with it? It's nonsense, of course, but again children excel at that.
Winning is in our nature
The mentality of competing rather than winning nags us. For this is not in our nature; in our nature is struggle, is winning. Our brain is attuned to conflict, to duality. Are you going to do something or not? One and all conflict.
You can also believe that everything is one and we all participate as well. We are, but we are dealing with the struggle. Just the struggle within ourselves. In martial arts, they don't say for nothing that you are your only opponent. For example, in the fight against the pink cake, the fight to go to the gym or not or to meditate. The fight of having a conflict with someone or a textbook you need to read.
You just want to win that battle and that takes energy. It takes strength and that doesn't always feel good because you have to leave something for it. If you don't do any of that, it does feel very comfortable, but then you're a loser.
You then lose out on yourself. You lose out on what you really want, so you then don't do that. That then doesn't feel right and then what do you do? Never mind, why should I do it? I might as well snort, drink or eat. Participation is important too, isn't it?
No, joining is for losers.
Participating is not more important than winning, because participating means giving up, losing, never mind. That means I'm participating too.
But you're already participating. You were born, so you're already participating.
But for now, just be a winner for yourself. Not for another, not for comparison. If you start comparing yourself to others, it will never work out, because there is always someone better or more beautiful at something.
But by winning from yourself, you end up learning more.
Comparing to win doesn't work
Comparing is a very annoying strategy to adopt, because then you want to win for your ego and that doesn't necessarily make you happier.
Research shows that it motivates people who have the drive to win. That motivation creates three things, namely: it feels good to win, it is motivating to develop yourself and to win, in some cases, you have to develop yourself to high levels.
To achieve this, it is important that you focus on the task you want to win with and not on what winning does for your ego[2].
Winning for your ego is about saying you are better than others, so that is not where you will find your life's happiness.
Stop there.
Win and learn from yourself
Position yourself as a winner, but not a comparator. Don't "I'm the best," because that doesn't make sense. Win from yourself. Compared to the person you were yesterday, you can win today. Focus on the task instead of your ego, focus on what you want to be able to do.
That's a better comparison to make. For me, that's winning.
Winning is...
Winning from your mind that wants to be lazy, eat chips and Ben & Jerry's and prefer to stay in bed. Winning from that voice, every moment, that makes you a winner.
Not necessarily being the best of everyone, but being better than you were yesterday.
So winning is important, because if you go along with that self-voice, with laziness, you will become lazy, fat, sick and then you will die.
But do you want to lie on your deathbed thinking you've been a loser all your life or do you want to say you've been a winner?
If you're born a winner anyway, if you've fought the biggest battle and left 80 million behind you anyway, you should claim that spot. Be a winner.
Winners don't kick people down, people who do that participate. Most do. Winners look at themselves and think, "Where can I progress, what are my pitfalls and what are my weaknesses?" Those dare to ask themselves that and those dare to address it in themselves.
You can also have the realization that you can't do everything and then delegate things to win that way.
It doesn't matter what context you see it in. In sports, it's pretty logical that you compete to win. You don't play soccer for the sake of competing. That's very irritating when you have a team of 11 people and five just want to compete, while the rest want to win. Those five have to leave then. Those eleven people should all just want to win.
It is very crazy to claim that want to win in the Netherlands. People will find you pretty quickly walking beside your shoes. But why else participate in a tournament?
In business, it's the same way. You want to win! Not at any cost, but you just want to win. You just want to be the first, biggest or best in your field. You pick something you can win at and that becomes your playing field.
It's like this in business and like this in nature, there is always a winner and a loser. You can think a lot of things about that, but that's the way it is.
There also used to be six human races and now there is only homo sapiens, because they won. You can have some opinions about that too, but those others participated and we won.
I'm not necessarily proud of that, but it's in our nature to win.
So the question is not: how can you join anything? Rather, the question is: how do you emerge victorious? Then you don't have to compete against anyone else, but only against yourself.
If you make a little progress every day, at some point you can say, "I'm a winner."
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/1234853-winnen-is-belangrijker-dan-meedoen
When winning gets in your way
Do you find it hard to compete with yourself and get stuck competing with others? Does it even get you in trouble (because you lie about what you achieve)?
Then hypnosis can help you change that focus so that you start to like winning again and work from your own strengths.
There are multiple ways you can get this done with hypnosis. For example, you can get a guided visualization of what your life could look like if you win over yourself.
You can get regression to find out when and why you started comparing yourself to others and why it is so difficult for you to stop doing so. During regression, you can then do something with that moment. The hypnotherapist will help you with this so that you can let go of that comparison with others,
You are given affirmations that you can repeat during self-hypnosis to keep your focus on yourself daily and to even forget that equation.
Want to know exactly how this all works? Then come to a free online master class.
Want to see hypnotherapy in action? Then come to a seminar.
Want to learn the techniques yourself to help yourself or others? Then enroll in one of Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training courses.
[1] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cch.12298
[2] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0191886995000355
