Treating narcissism: why it can help you

You are awesome, everyone should do what you want. Narcissism is a personality disorder that causes you to have an excessive sense of self-confidence and expect everyone around you to behave the way you want them to. The self-image you have about yourself often does not match how others see you. In itself, this is normal, but if the difference is very large, it is used by some psychologists or psychiatrists as a means to diagnose narcissism.

Narcissism can cause all kinds of problems, which is why it is important to know what it is and how it is treated. That is what I address in this blog.

What does narcissistic mean?

As stated in the introduction, someone who is narcissistic is often quite full of themselves. For example, a situation sketch shows that someone may see themselves as an incredibly talented writer, but in reality they have not yet written a book.

Narcissism, then, can manifest itself in what a person thinks about themselves and what they actually do.

Another form of narcissism is your unscrupulous ability to set aside other people's feelings. For example, there is also a case of a narcissist who has a successful business life and has been married for years. However, he wonders if he still wants to stay with his wife to whom he is no longer sexually attracted. The strange thing about this story is that he has had several mistresses during the marriage who he supported financially and he thinks that this has not affected the quality of his marriage.

Then there’s also the unemployed narcissist. For example, if someone has had a good job and is suddenly laid off, that’s very upsetting. Most people would at least take a part-time job in that situation—even if it pays less—so they still have time to look for another job, but a narcissist won’t do that. If he can be financially dependent on benefits or family, he’ll prefer that until he finds a job at “his level.”

The fourth form of narcissism is actually a type of depressive narcissist. In the situation sketch, the man quickly feels unrecognized and ignored. He has few hobbies and finds it difficult to derive pleasure from anything. His default mood he describes as miserable. He often has fantasies in which his boss does recognize his talents and compliments him for them or even promotes him. At the same time, he has fantasies about humiliating his boss. In the process, he compares himself a lot to others.

As can be seen, it is very difficult to put down narcissism as 1 clear thing. What is clear, however, is that a narcissist considers him/herself very talented and that nothing is ever his/her fault if something does not go well.

What is narcissistic behavior?

Narcissistic behavior can be quite paradoxical. On the one hand, someone with narcissism may find themselves completely wonderful, but on the other hand, such a person may actually experience a lot of self-pity. The list of criteria for diagnosing someone with narcissistic personality disorder shows that the following behaviors can be narcissistic.

A narcissist ...

• Has a great sense of self-importance/equity.
• Exaggerated milestones achieved.
• Exaggerates talents he/she has.
• Expect recognition as an expert even before he/she has achieved anything.
• Often has fantasies of success, power, cleverness, beauty or ideal love.
• Believes he/she is special and can only be understood by other people of higher status.
• Needs a lot of admiration.
• Has the feeling that everything comes to him/her automatically.
• Uses other people to achieve their own goals.
• Has no empathy, does not empathize with the feelings of others.
• Is often jealous or thinks other people are jealous of him/her.
• Display arrogant behavior and opinions.

That feeling that things are automatically coming to him/her can manifest in the expectation that you will automatically get special treatment or that expectations will also be automatically fulfilled. Like that that promotion is obviously for him/her.

You are more likely to become a narcissist if you are male, if you are single, and it can also affect you more at a younger age than at an older age.

Why is narcissism a problem?

Narcissism is a problem because as humans we are social animals and need each other to survive. In doing so, narcissism can interfere with personal functioning making it difficult to get the best out of your life, this is evident in the 4 outlines of how narcissism can manifest.

For example, your identity may be subject to self-esteem issues. Sometimes reality can be a slap in the face, causing major fluctuations in self-esteem with accompanying changes in emotions.

Setting life goals , for example, is therefore not always for yourself. Goals can be set based on how other people respond to them. Rather than on what makes you happy as a person.

Compassion is very important for building a supportive social circle. Narcissists can often recognize emotions, but often only act on them when it matters to them. This is not a good basis for friendship or relationship building.

In a relationship, there is often also a lack of intimacy. Relationships often remain superficial, and someone with narcissism has very little interest in another person's hobbies or opinions. A trophy wife is actually the embodiment of something a narcissist likes.

A narcissist may experience a strong sense of happiness when they have found the right job, but if that job is lost—for example, due to a reorganization—this can lead to a very depressive period marked by a sense of victimhood and a lack of self-confidence and self-worth. Narcissism can therefore be a problem not only for those around the narcissist but also for the narcissist themselves.

High self-esteem, for example, can be a tool to disguise feelings of insecurity, the feeling of being at the bottom of the ladder and just feeling like you can't do anything.

Narcissism can therefore also cause depression, anxiety, substance abuse, bipolar disorder and other personality disorders. In the process, it can also lead to aggression.

How can you treat narcissistic personality disorder?

Not every narcissist gets treatment. If everything is going well and the person's identity is not at risk, they often do not allow themselves to be treated until there is a crisis. For example, consider dismissal, or if the partner demands it of him/her with divorce as a threat.

But if you have the form of narcissism where emotions can quickly vary from delusions of grandeur to feelings of worthlessness, the chances of following treatment are already higher. Still, it can be very difficult to treat someone with narcissism.

Also, not much scientific research has yet been conducted on treating narcissism. Currently, it is recommended that treatment for bipolar disorder be applied with an adjustment to narcissism.

In this type of treatment, it’s important to work with the individual’s identity. This sense of identity—such as high self-esteem and self-confidence—can come under pressure during such treatment. This is also one of the reasons why it is difficult to treat narcissism, because that sense of identity must be maintained in the eyes of the narcissist.

In treatment that works with identity, the relationship with the therapist is very important, and feelings evoked during therapy between the narcissist and the therapist are then compared to the feelings how they are created outside the treatment room. In this way, the influence of identity can be further explored.

In addition, schema-focused therapy is also a form recommended when treating narcissistic personality disorder. Such therapy involves looking at how life experiences have led to certain beliefs. These beliefs can be about yourself, your environment and the world.

Figuring out beliefs is something where cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and hypnosis can help. During hypnosis, for example, you can use regression to look at moments in your life that have determined the formation of beliefs that are holding you back now.

If this has caused self-confidence to be low or your self-esteem to be disrupted, those feelings can then be worked on. This can also be done with CBT and hypnosis.

Dialectical behavior therapy is also recommended in the treatment of narcissism. This therapy focuses on mindfulness, tolerating emotional pain, changing emotions and asking for help without losing self-respect.

For example, mindfulness is a way to live in the here and now and therefore fantasize less about what could be. In doing so, mindfulness also helps with acceptance of certain events. Asking for help can conflict with the identity of someone who suffers from narcissism. Therefore, asking for help without losing self-respect is important in learning to suffer less from this mental disorder.

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Sources:

http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.14060723