How do I punish my child? Preferably with meditation
A time out, sitting on the stool for a while, standing in the corner, sitting on the stairs. There are all kinds of punishments parents apply for a moment of calm. Actually, it's already a bit of a moment of meditation, only usually your child doesn't realize it. He/she is just balking at not getting his/her way.
To make sure that punishing your child makes sense and makes him/her stronger, in this blog I discuss the benefits of punishing with meditation.
When children argue, it is actually a time of great stress for the child. Your child may be trying to establish his/her social position in relation to others, and because your child's skills are not yet mature, this can sometimes be difficult. Instead of talking, fighting soon ensues and then you just have to keep those hoodlums apart.
Punishing your child then by sending him to the room to "think" does not always help. The thoughts may go to frustration, for example, and because children have not yet fully developed this may not be the solution in the first place.
Instead, you can teach your child to meditate. Meditation actually teaches your child to calm down. This is a skill he/she can benefit from for the rest of his/her life. Calming down is good against stress before a test or speaking engagement, and calming down can help face bullies . After all, staying cool is much tougher than getting into hysterical fights with someone who is bullying you and also much less fun for the person who is bullying.
An elementary school in the U.S. started using meditation instead of punishment, and it has improved the children's behavior tremendously. The best part is that the children also taught their parents at home how to meditate, especially when they came home after a bad day at work.
Research shows that meditation has multiple benefits namely:
- Meditation helps against pain.
- Meditation enhances creativity.
- Meditation reduces stress.
- Meditation improves the immune system.
Every reason to teach your child to meditate.
Research also shows that children and young adults who have high levels of mindfulness experience a better quality of life, get better grades in school and have good social skills.
In the process, children and young adults with high levels of mindfulness experience less somatic complaints, the bottling up of feelings and problems, and problematic behaviors.
Parenting without punishment
You may think that this is parenting without punishment, but actually you just repackage the punishment a little differently. In doing so, you're still pulling your child out of a destructive activity you don't want him to develop further, such as aggression or anger.
Instead, teach your child to recognize and cope with emotions. A moment to punish is actually a moment to learn.
Transcendental meditation as "punishment"
Punishment, which is not really punishment, for unwanted behavior can be, for example, transcendental meditation. You set up a place in your home as a meditation corner and send your child there when you actually want to punish him. The meditation corner is, for example, a place with pleasant warm colors, a large cushion on which your child can sit or lie down. A nice smell through scented candles or sticks and with pictures that can support focus during meditation.
The idea is for your child to sit there in a cross-legged position and try to focus on his/her breathing. Of course, if your child finds this difficult, it is also okay for him/her to lie down instead and then focus on breathing. This can be done with his/her eyes closed or by focusing on a point. For example, you can put up a nice picture for your child to look at.
Breathing through the belly is the best way to shift focus. When you are sitting, this is not something that always happens automatically and especially not when you have stress in the system. This immediately gives your mind a task to focus on instead of getting stuck in the frustration that eventually led you to the "meditation punishment."
One assignment you can give your child is to write down thoughts that come to mind and what emotion he/she feels in the process. After the meditation moment, you can talk with him/her about those emotions and how he/she can deal with them or find a solution for them. Put a notebook and pen or pencil there as well.
If you are just getting started with this, you can also start meditating with your child. By being calm yourself, you set an example for your child. You can also meditate at times that have nothing to do with punishment, that way meditation is also less likely to be seen as punishment.
Most experts indicate that a child can begin meditating from about 8 to 10 years old; if your child is younger, it may be necessary to give your child a hand with calming to face frustrations. This is because young children usually already live in the here and now. If your child is too busy, changing their breathing is one way for your child to calm down.
It is also important not to punish your child with meditation if unwanted behavior is actually caused by hunger or fatigue.
When tired, of course, lying meditation is the way to fall asleep.
For example, if your child is younger, you can meditate together and help him with a visualization that calms. You can also help your child become aware of his/her body by giving him/her commands to tighten or relax certain muscles. For example, by performing a mindfulness body scan together with your child and telling him/her what to do.
Mindfulness meditation for improved focus
In addition to transcendental meditation, you can also help your child with mindfulness meditation. For example, when he needs to do chores or homework. Perhaps while mowing the lawn, your child is thinking of all kinds of other things he would much rather be doing, which is not really something that makes him/her happy.
If you teach your child mindfulness correctly, you will help him stay with his attention in the moment. Mowing the lawn may then go faster and this is also definitely helpful while doing homework. The material is absorbed better and assignments are finished faster. Mindfulness is thus definitely a tool that your child should be open to learning.
In the process, it can also help them become less addicted to their smartphones.
Minduflness meditation can help your child perform future tasks better and with more focus. As a result, your child can really learn something from homework and better control emotions that may be evoked when giving a presentation, for example.
Yoga for your child's physical development
Research also shows that children up to age 12 benefit from yoga. Among other things, it helps with your child's physical development. Yoga poses help your child stay flexible and become strong. In addition, yoga can also help with your child's motor skills.
Yoga is a moving form of meditation and, like those described above, helps children with self-control, focus, creativity and discipline.
Oddly enough, martial arts has just as much effect. So if you have a child who is not hot for yoga, you can always consider karate classes as well. In this, discipline is also important, and karate training includes poses similar to yoga and tai chi exercises.
How do I help my child and myself?
Punishing your child or parenting without punishment is almost the same thing in some cases. Ultimately, you want the best for your child and to help him/her deal with negative moments in his/her life. Meditation is a tool to help your child with this. You can use this as punishment, but because it is not a punishment meant to hurt, but to learn from it, you can also see it as parenting without punishment.
So when you ask yourself "How do I punish my child?" you can also ask yourself, "How do I give my child a time-out that not only benefits me, but also him/her?"
Transcendental meditation can then be the punishment or time-out for a moment of calm, and mindfulness meditation can be a way to help your child stay focused.
Want to learn more about mental techniques for greater focus and life happiness? Then come to a seminar or workshop and check out the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training courses on this website.
Sources:
An Elementary School Has Kids Meditate Instead Of Punishing Them And The Results Are Profound
http://science.sciencemag.org/content/333/6045/959
http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/pas/23/3/606/
http://www.chopra.com/articles/how-to-get-kids-to-meditate#sm.00015kgd8li31e5ptgw14xfbcxd59
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/08/03/meditation-techniques-for-children-how-to-calm-your-kid.html
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