Envy comes in many shapes and sizes. For example, you can be jealous of someone's possessions, appearance, success and relationship. In the relationship sphere, you can be jealous again when someone is talking to your partner. Jealousy can be helpful. Jealousy can make you try harder to achieve certain things, such as a successful life just like that person you were jealous of, but jealousy often destroys more than it makes better. Especially if you suffer from a destructive form of jealousy, this article is one you should read.
Indeed, in this article, I will discuss jealousy and what hypnosis can do about it.
Jealousy
Jealousy is an emotion familiar to many people. Initially, jealousy can't do much harm either, but rather can motivate you to do your best.
Jealousy in a relationship is one of the most well-known forms. Jealousy can rear its head when a "rival" threatens your relationship. In addition to jealousy, you may then experience feelings of helplessness, fear, anger, disgust, envy, betrayal, revenge, loneliness, depression, and the feeling of trust in the relationship may also be damaged.
You may get thoughts such as: "They have something better than what I have". If jealousy persists for a long time, you can lose touch with reality. You then can no longer distinguish between what is really happening and what you think happened. For example, your partner walked out to get fresh air and a woman or man walked behind him and then on. You may think in prolonged fantasy that something happened when in reality nothing happened.
Scientists also find it difficult to properly define jealousy that is still acceptable and jealousy that actually tends more toward morbid jealousy. This is because everyone sets their own limits in what is tolerable and what is not.
Let's just say that if you don't threaten another person's freedom whether physically or mentally there's not that much to it and if you can keep reality in mind it's also good. And then let's take as a yardstick that if jealousy does not lead to hurting yourself, for example by starving yourself because you also want size XS just like that model, there is not so much going on.
If jealousy causes you to try harder and not bring others down, jealousy is okay. But if jealous feelings lead to bullying behavior or behavior where you harm yourself then it is an extreme form of jealousy.
Morbid jealousy
Morbid jealousy is a form of jealousy in which your behavior can become very extreme. For example, if you are very jealous of the attention your partner gives to other people, you can subject him or her to a lie detector test to find out "the truth." Personally, I think it is then quite clever if you can still keep that partner with you.
Other behaviors that fit with this are looking for evidence of infidelity while your partner is the innocence itself. These checks can take the form of rituals. For example, going through your partner's closet every day when he/she has just left for work.
Psychiatrists often see jealousy as a symptom of another mental problem, such as addiction and paranoia.
Even if you don't suffer from morbid jealousy, it is an annoying emotion. A little jealousy can do no harm and can bring out the best in yourself, but if you suffer from too much jealousy, it can make you insecure and unkind.
To eliminate extreme jealousy, it is important to find the cause of jealousy.
Causes of jealousy
Some people are less jealous than others. Jealousy is also an emotion you have to increase your chances of survival and reproduction. In some cases it is simply a character trait, but character is often shaped by life experiences.
Childhood
For example, experiences as a child may cause you to be more jealous than others. For example, if you are the oldest child, you may feel that you are treated differently than your siblings.
Children also often compete for attention, and if you felt that you were receiving too little attention compared to your siblings, this feeling of injustice can be evoked when your partner gives too little attention to you compared to others.
Children who do not have siblings may be more prone to jealousy because they do not have the experience of sharing attention. Destructive jealousy in adult life is often caused when a child is overly spoiled and instead received too much attention from his parents instead of too little.
These experiences may not always be the cause of envy, but they can lay a foundation.
Previous relationships (around you)
If your parents exhibited jealous behavior or engaged in affairs, it is quite normal to have a little less confidence in your peers compared to someone whose parents had a "perfect" marriage. Separation anxiety caused by divorce can cause jealousy in future relationships.
Also other relationships in your environment, for example, if partners of siblings or even friends cheat in their relationships the distrust of others is also reduced.
If you yourself have ever been cheated on by your partner, that experience is totally destructive in trusting your fellow man. If you are jealously inclined, this experience can cause your new partner not to be trusted and in the long run you find it inevitable that he or she will cheat on you as well.
If you have a relationship with someone who always lies and you don't find out until years later, this doesn't help reduce jealous feelings either. This can change your feelings of trust forever.
Fear of Substitutability
The fear of being replaced can also cause feelings of jealousy. This fear may have originated in your childhood, such as when you had new siblings. In addition to the fear of being replaced by your partner for a new one, you may also have a fear at work of being replaced. By the new generation, by someone cheaper or whatever.
This fear can be projected not only onto your partner, but also onto your friends and work. As a result, you can become very desperate when you fear the replacement is ready.
Your partner is yours
Jealousy can have to do with feeling that your partner is literally yours. Your partner is your plaything and no one else's. Just as you used to get angry when someone played with your toys you can now get jealous when someone talks, dances or laughs with your partner.
You want to stay in love
Infatuation often turns into love, and love on the surface is less intense and romantic than infatuation. You may think that loving should be the same feeling as falling in love. That that initial phase of your relationship and that feeling you have with it should always remain the same, but eventually you get into some calmer waters in your relationship.
To hold on to this feeling, take on new things with your partner, such as buying a house, having children, a big trip.
Anything to bring back that feeling in love.
If this fails, you may become jealous of couples around you who are clearly still in that infatuation phase of their relationship. You may think of someone else to get the feeling of love back and, as a result, you may think that your partner is doing the same and may even actually be performing it. As a result, you may become jealous and possessive again.
Uncertainty
If you are insecure about yourself in a relationship, it is mainly the thought that you are not good enough for your partner. Maybe you find yourself not handsome enough, not smart enough, not nice enough, not funny enough, it could be anything.
You worry that over time your partner will realize this too. That he/she will suddenly realize that you are not at all that angel he/she fell for.
When your partner is at a party or talking to your "rivals" at all, you can endlessly compare yourself to them. In those moments, your anxiety and possessive behavior rises.
In addition, you may also feel yourself undeserving of a good relationship. This makes you better able to deal with a less than perfect relationship and panic when things are going really well. Then you may falsely accuse your partner of infidelity to make the relationship less perfect.
Hypnotherapy Against Jealousy
Hypnotherapy can help change jealous feelings and behaviors in several ways. First, it is important to identify the cause of that jealousy. Which of the above factors is important to the jealous behavior? What beliefs have given you that? Is there a ritual you perform as a relationship progresses?
Regression
Finding out the cause of jealousy can be done with regression therapy. Through regression therapy, you go to the moment when extreme jealousy was born. This can be moments in your childhood or adult life. This can sometimes be a different time than you initially think.
Rituals and thought patterns
Finding out about rituals in your relationship is possible through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is also often performed while you are under hypnosis. The results are then often better than if you get CBT without being under hypnosis.
By tracing rituals, it is possible to identify certain patterns, both thought patterns and behavioral patterns.
Through hypnotherapy, it is possible to break those thought patterns and bring new rituals into place in your relationship so that you and your partner suffer less from jealous behavior and possibly insecurity. A ritual can be viewed in a different way so that it can become clear to you that what you are doing is actually very weird.
Want to learn more about hypnotherapy? Then be sure to check out the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' events and trainings.
Source:
Judith ter Mate
on02 Mar 2017