Drugs can be a lot of fun for some people; it can even bring people closer together. Do you have a partner, however, who doesn't know when to stop? Then living with a drug user can be much more difficult. Especially if it is a real addiction after all, or if he/she cannot control himself/herself while using drugs. Want to know how to deal with this? Then be sure to continue reading this blog
When is someone a problematic drug user?
The moment you are uncomfortable with your partner using drugs you are suffering from a problematic drug user. So this is quite subjective. However, if you notice that it affects your mood, stress, sleep and financial situation you can actually conclude that there is a problem that needs to be solved.
What if you are a drug user yourself?
If you are a drug user yourself and so is your partner, this can reinforce drug use when you really don't want it at all. In fact, as a drug user, you may suffer from a stigma because after all, it is something that is not socially accepted.
When your partner also uses drugs you are actually protecting each other from this stigma, but at the same time this can also cause you to do everything with each other, see each other as best friends, and fall into social isolation as a result(1).
In the process you depend on each other for care, this can be at odds with drug use. For example, the use of heroin is dangerous, but because of the dependency and because of the protection that the relationship provides from the stigma against drug users, you can't actually stop using this drug. At worst, you even share needles, because that is what friends do, making you incurably ill.
It is therefore very important to seek help together to stop using drugs and to put effort into increasing your social circle independently of your partner.
How being a drug user can affect your life
Drug use can affect your life even if it is not even your partner yet, but if it is just a friendship. At first, nothing may seem wrong, especially if you abuse drugs or drink yourself.
However, are you or your friend getting a partner? Then chances are the friendship won't last. This is according to research conducted in 2016 on how new loves can break friendships. This happens especially when drinking is involved(2). On the contrary, when you do not have a problematic relationship with an addictive substance, a new love often does not come between an existing friendship either.
Conversely, if your partner uses drugs, this can also cause you to lose valuable friends. You are then seen by your social circle as guilty-by-association, for example. Because you are dating a drug user, you will not be good either. In this way, you will then also suffer from this stigma. This can even go so far as to reduce your chances of employment or promotion.
Besides your social actions, it can also affect your life in other ways. For example, your partner needs a lot of attention and you need to help him/her get the drugs. Lending money is something you may already do on a daily basis and getting the money back may be something that already doesn't happen anymore.
You are often not number one, but the drugs and only then is there time for companionship with you because only then are they relaxed.
How you think about the situation is often also something that drug users ignore.
You also have to deal with the mood swings and stress that living with a drug user can bring up.
How do you deal with a drug user?
It is very important that your partner stop using drugs. If someone starts taking drugs because they can no longer get prescribed medication, this is a warning sign. American research shows that addicts who had a heroin overdose were often doctor-hopping in advance just to get the medication they needed(3).
Now in the Netherlands you don't get the same medication quickly as in the U.S., but rapid changes of doctor in succession are a warning sign of an escalating problem from someone who doesn't want to listen to the doctor's advice or yours, but who realizes that help is needed.
Since you want to help your partner stay off drugs, there are a number of things you can do.
No access to household money
Pocket money and nothing else. In fact, chances are your partner will misuse the household money for his/her addiction. A joint account is best cancelled or just make sure you have all the passes and that only you know your bank account password. If someone needs his/her fix and uses the last money you have left to do so, this can be quite annoying. At that moment itself, the addict doesn't even think about it. The hangover comes later shall we say.
Me-time
Time for yourself is very important. You can't always worry about your partner's worries and his/her drug use. Meeting with friends or family can already do a lot to get away from the stimuli of your drug-using partner.
In addition, you can also have total me-time. For example, go to a spa, the gym or beautician to relax by yourself. Going to the movies by yourself is also always a good idea to get out of negative energy for a while.
Stop supporting addiction
If your partner can't get drugs you can feel incredibly sorry for him/her. He or she then clearly does not feel well, may suffer from stress and even panic attacks. You see this suffering and then want to help him/her. Or, on the contrary, you worry about what your loved one may do if you do not help him/her. Perhaps he/she himself/herself starts talking about "then steal or commit a robbery" to get the money for his/her addiction. So you don't want to do that to other people.
By doing so, however, you maintain the addiction. In fact, by not supporting him/her, your partner will find out that he/she needs help and in the process, this also shows that the world will not perish if he/she misses his/her fix once.
Get yourself out of unsafe situations
Especially when your partner is under the influence of drugs, anything can happen. A heated argument with total abusive behavior can even turn into violence resulting in serious abuse. If your gut tells you it's better to leave for a while, you should leave (4).
Is your partner preventing you from being able to walk out the door? If so, you are in effect being held hostage and may call the police because your freedom has been robbed. While this may cause the situation to escalate further, perhaps the arrival of the police will also have a sobering effect on your partner.
Help for yourself
Being in a relationship with a drug user can also create all kinds of problems for yourself emotionally and financially. Therefore, even as the partner of a drug user, you can seek help for yourself to deal with emotional problems.
In the process, you can also learn more during this help about how to better resist your partner's addiction and behavior and then at the same time help them use fewer drugs or stay calmer while using drugs.
For example, a hypnotherapist can help you with self-confidence and techniques to stay calm in stressful situations. In the process, this can help you not get sucked into addiction. Some drug users want you to join in so that it will seem less bad that they are using drugs. This ultimately affects your integrity and with this they deny even harder that there is a problem.
Help for your partner
Find rehab programs your partner can join to quit drugs. Programs of at least 3 months often have the best chance of success.
To get your partner to participate, it is important to let care and love dominate the conversation to convince him/her. Blaming someone is actually counterproductive.
Talk to peers
In addition, you can also talk with peers who have also been in a relationship (or had one) with someone who used drugs. From them you can get practical tips and insights into how to deal with certain situations and when an alarm bell really rings that things are going in the wrong direction altogether.
Want to learn more about mental techniques to better cope with drugs or other emotional problems? Then come to a free online master class.
Check out the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands courses or read the book "Break Free."
Also pin this handy infographic:
Sources:
1. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953617301582
2. http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-53035-001
4. https://www.narconon.org/blog/drug-addiction/dos-donts-dealing-addict-life/
