Solving loneliness seems easier said than done. Whereas in elementary school you used to seem to make new friends every day, that becomes increasingly difficult as you get older. The strange thing about these times is that young adults are now also more likely to experience loneliness similar to older people after the loss of their loved one. This is very strange and since we humans are social animals it is important to resolve this loneliness.
That's why in this article I'll discuss the causes of loneliness and give you tips on how to do something about loneliness.
What is loneliness?
Feeling alone and having no one to share fun experiences or sadness with is very annoying and unhealthy. In itself, you don't even have to be really lonely to experience loneliness. If you have a small social circle, for example, you can still feel lonely because you feel that you should have a larger network around you.
Even if you do have a large network or many friends, you may feel lonely because the quality of those relationships is not what you need. For example, you would like to talk about politics or sports, but no one in your network is interested in that or has enough knowledge to really make it a fun conversation.
So loneliness doesn't have to mean not having friends or family members to talk to, but a lack of depth can give you that lonely feeling.
Loneliness or isolation
Loneliness may well be the result of a small circle of friends and a small number of family members, in which case it is also referred to as social isolation.
If you have a small circle of friends and family, you are more likely to be lonely than if you have a larger network around you. But a small circle of friends and family does not mean you are lonely. There are people who deliberately keep their social network small to keep the quality of that network strong.
However, the odds remain high if you have no or few weak social ties besides those strong ones.
Causes of loneliness
So the odds are higher with a smaller social network, but what increases the odds of feeling loneliness in your life?
Research shows that unhappy marriages with little support from your partner can increase feelings of loneliness. Breaking up relationships, at any age, can also cause feelings of loneliness. This can also be explained because breaking up a relationship allows you to reconsider your social contacts outside the relationship.
Widowhood in particular can cause loneliness for an extended period of time, much stronger than after divorce.
Loneliness is not genetic. Research on twins shows that as they age, there is less overlap in feelings of loneliness. So loneliness is definitely solvable through action and taking steps.
Feeling lonely is a feeling that can occur in any age. You may think it belongs mostly to the elderly, but children can also suffer from this emotion.
Personal mental problems can also increase the likelihood of loneliness, such as:
Causes of loneliness in young adults
Victims of bullying often feel more of a sense of loneliness than people who have not been bullied. This feeling may even continue into old age. This makes it all the more important to stop bullying and to recover well from bullying.
With young adults, it is also important to see social dangers in time and not to shut yourself off when things are less fun. It is important to be adaptable and to be able to stand up for yourself in a socially accepted way.
Poverty, or the lack of money, due to not having a job (yet) can cause you to undertake less to maintain social contacts.
Causes in the elderly
Getting older can cause you to be less mobile and therefore less able to undertake social outings. This is of course a problem of all ages, but because parenthood comes with infirmities, it can cause loneliness just then. Especially since you remember what it was like when you could go anywhere.
Losing a sibling in old age can cause feelings of loneliness. Arguing with a sibling in old age can also cause loneliness.
Effects of loneliness
Poor health can be a cause of loneliness, as well as a consequence of loneliness. Thereby, it also appears that lonely people die faster than people who do not experience loneliness.
This connection is as great as for people who do not exercise or who suffer from obesity.
In addition, lonely people often exercise less and also have fewer people around them to remind them to take medication. Dietary patterns tend to be unhealthier as well.
Lonely people also tend to suffer more stress, which in turn contributes to poorer health. This is partly because they take less care of themselves in terms of relaxation and because they get little feedback from a social connection. For example, someone who helps them put problems into perspective.
In addition, you may also suffer from:
- Alcoholism
- Suicidal
- Aggression
- Impulsive Actions
- Faster development of Alzheimer's disease
- Recurrent Strokes
- High blood pressure
- Deterioration of the immune system
Watch this video on solving loneliness:
Solving Loneliness
There are several steps you can take to suffer less loneliness.
1. Help other people
Do something for a social organization. Research shows that volunteering works well against feelings of loneliness. In addition, it is also good for your self-esteem. Poor self-esteem can be a factor that causes loneliness.
2. Check your standard
Beliefs have a lot of impact on your feelings of loneliness. For example, people who think it's important to have an intimate partner but don't have one sometimes change those beliefs to make being single more enjoyable. "Happy Single" is a term also commonly found in magazines for young adults.
Beliefs can also be changed with self-hypnosis. In that case, you first check to see if your beliefs make sense. For example, if you have the belief that you have to have at least 20 friends to not be lonely, that may be a belief that does not help you and is not entirely logical.
A hypnotherapist can help you figure out these beliefs and offer suggestions that will help you change those beliefs.
3. Check if your self-confidence suffers
If your standard is not the problem, your confidence may be the problem. If you fear that you are not interesting enough to other people or don't belong, this can be a sign of low self-confidence.
There are multiple ways to increase your self-confidence, such as with hypnosis, mindfulness and meditation.
Mindfulness, for example, is a good way to stop negative thoughts about yourself so that they bother you less. In doing so, it can help you enjoy social interactions more so that you are less distracted by negative thoughts. This, in turn, can strengthen your bonds with the people you hang out with.
4. You do belong
If you think you can't join a group because you don't belong, you can think that around. If people in a group see you standing around, like at recess and you stay put and don't come and say "hello" they can also correctly think you are arrogant and you feel too good for them. That is then total miscommunication. A no you have, a yes you can get. All you have to do is walk up to them and say hello.
5. Do something fun in a group setting
For example, dancing is an activity you usually do with other people. You have all kinds of dance forms, such as street dance, ballroom dancing and line dancing that you usually perform with other people. Playing soccer or other team sports can also help reduce loneliness.
6. Take a flirting class
Social skills are important for building friendships. There are many companies that teach people how to learn social skills, for example, business flirting to improve business networking. You can also learn these kinds of skills for improving your personal life. Flirting really does not only have to do with falling in love it is also the way to develop nice friendships. The flirting will be different.
7. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
With cognitive behavioral therapy, you can treat loneliness based on fear and insecurity. You can reduce anxiety through CBT, for example. In addition, hypnosis can reinforce the CBT treatment, enabling you to get rid of social anxieties faster and to dare to make contact with other people sooner.
One way CBT does this is by being able to identify negative thoughts more quickly. These negative thoughts may be about others or social situations, for example. Through cognitive behavioral therapy, you learn to first verify those thoughts before assuming them as facts and then attaching the wrong behavior to them.
Want to learn more about mental techniques to make your life more fun and happy? Then come to a seminar or attend a workshop. Also check out the training courses of the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands.
Sources:
https://repub.eur.nl/pub/93235/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4391342/
