I hate myself: Self-hatred can be solved with these tips

Edwin Selij
June 08, 2019

When you type in "I hate myself," it is very good that you initially seek help through the Internet. Self-hatred is no fun at all and does not make you happier. Besides, hating yourself is also unhealthy for yourself and can make you act apart from those around you. So you are not helping yourself or people around you with self-hatred. In this blog, I will elaborate on what self-hatred is, what symptoms it involves, what causes it, the consequences and what you can do to solve self-hatred

What is self-hatred?

“Hate” is an incredibly strong word, but it also has many different meanings. For example, you might hate vegetables or people who manipulate others to achieve malicious goals. These are, after all, two different kinds of hate.

Hatred is generally seen as being extremely negative toward something and having an aversion to it[1].

Because of this, you also have multiple degrees of self-hatred, but being extremely negative toward yourself and disliking yourself in any form is not fun.

The degrees are that you:

  • Your Face Hates
  • Your body hates
  • Hate your behavior
  • Your thoughts hate
  • All of the above hate

Self-loathing and self-hatred are emotions that help you defend yourself[2]. It is also often linked to shame[3].

The symptoms of self-hatred

How do you know if you are occasionally negative about yourself or if you are really suffering from self-hatred? The possible symptoms of self-hatred are:

Causes of self-hatred

Self-hatred is often caused by events in your life that you’re not proud of. Shame and self-hatred are also linked. So you may have done something, such as cheating on a partner or lying (and maybe you can’t stop lying), and as a result, you’ve started to hate yourself.

Or you may have failed to do something right once, even though you are very perfectionist. As a result, you may find yourself stupid and dumb. Maybe you lost something important because of that mistake, and this can make you feel incredibly self-doubting.

When you hate your body, this can also cause self-hatred of your body[4].

Self-hatred can also have many unconscious causes. In a case study of a woman who suffered greatly from shame and self-hatred, it was eventually found that her self-hatred stemmed from desperate unconscious attempts to have a better relationship with her father and to love him better[5].

During the transition from adolescent to adult, say between the ages of 18 and 25, you are also more likely to suffer from occasional self-hatred.

Effects of self-hatred

Self-hatred can have extremely harmful consequences. For example, if you hate yourself, there is a correlation with developing bulimia[6]. With this eating disorder, you experience binge eating, but then deliberately vomit the food afterward. This is extremely unhealthy and very dangerous, because your stomach can rupture if you eat too much.

In addition, it can lead to suicide attempts[7].

Self-hatred can also lead to social isolation. You then have no confidence in your own abilities that you exclude yourself. Then when you do attempt a social life, your self-hatred can so influence your behavior, self-sabotage, that it does not work at all[8].

Resolving yourself hating

There are multiple ways to resolve self-hatred. An intensive Mentalizations Based Treatment (MBT), for example, is used to resolve self-hatred. In this treatment, you gain a better understanding of your own emotions and feelings and how this leads to (impulsive and subsequently unwanted) behavior.

Hypnosis can help with this treatment, in addition, hypnosis is also widely used in conjunction with cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a way to better control your thought processes in addition to understanding your emotions.

Your beliefs about how the world works often contribute to self-hatred as well—for example, when you feel you should love your family, but your family is so difficult that it’s hard to love them. This can make you feel like a bad person.

For example, many people who are full of self-hatred think that self-criticism is a way to keep your own standards high[9]. By changing these types of beliefs that cause self-hatred, you can reduce self-hatred.

Uncovering beliefs that create self-hatred

As mentioned, it is often past events that cause you to hate yourself. It is precisely with this problem that hypnosis is ideal. This is because regression is a good technique in hypnotherapy to process past events in a different way that eliminates your self-hatred quite quickly.

By processing the moments that trigger self-hatred in a different way, you can let go of self-hatred and have more compassion for yourself.

With regression, while under hypnosis you go back to the moment when you first hated yourself. Which moment first caused this. You go to that moment in a kind of reverse order, from the last time you experienced it to the first time you experienced it. Then you do something with that first time with the help of the hypnosis expert to experience that moment in a different way. This causes you to look at yourself differently and have more understanding of the fact that you are also only human and that it is ok to do things differently than you had thought or wanted.

This allows you to break the pattern of self-hatred, freeing up more space for self-love and for self-compassion.

Overthinking beliefs that cause self-hatred

Another way to change beliefs that create self-hatred is to rethink them. For example, there are some beliefs that can cause self-hatred, such as:

  • Got to do everything right.
  • Compassion is for other people, not for myself.
  • I need to look perfect.
  • Got to love my family.
  • I must have at least x number of friends.
  • Need work.

As you can see, if you hate yourself, you have to do a lot of things. Being strict with yourself is a symptom of self-hatred.

You can make these types of unhelpful beliefs weaker in your subconscious in several ways. For example, you can repeat the why question several times with each belief to find out that it is not based on anything.

Or you ridicule the belief by saying it in a weird voice, for example.

Once you have weakened the unhelpful beliefs, you can also counter them with helpful beliefs. You then repeat these out loud while in hypnosis. Because of the hypnosis you absorb the new beliefs better.

These may include:

"I'm allowed to make mistakes."

"Compassion is for everyone and therefore for myself."

"I get to look the way I look."

"The bond with my family doesn't have to be perfect."

"I may have friends, 1 or 10 it doesn't matter."

"I may have work."

If you look at the beliefs that create self-hatred you will see that the need to be completely removed and that self-acceptance is an important part of reducing self-hatred.

You are your own best friend

Another exercise is one you can do when you catch yourself thinking thoughts that are hateful toward yourself. When you are aware of that negative critical thought. Then pretend for a moment that you are your own best friend. What would you say to a good friend who has your problems and who is criticizing himself so much? Then something much nicer is bound to come out of you than if you were talking to yourself.

This is a great way to redirect self-hatred in the moment to self-compassion.

Hypnosis can also help you with moments like these by providing a post-hypnotic suggestion to be your own best friend during difficult moments.

Self-hatred is incredibly harmful because it also sabotages you. Being too hard on yourself can leave you stuck in a negative mindset that is detrimental to the goals you want to achieve. Whether this is about improving relationships with people around you or business goals.

Hypnosis can help you reduce self-hatred. Want to know exactly how hypnosis works and feels? Then come to the hypnosis workshop or sign up for one of the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands. Ask about the online options if that suits you better.

Also, pin this infographic as a reminder:


[1] https://www.healio.com/psychiatry/journals/psycann/2018-10-48-10/%7B118bc531-a996-4fa5-aa19-f0de229e98a5%7D/wrestling-with-hate

[2] Self-disgust, self-hatred, and compassion-focused therapy (2015). Philip A. Powell, Paul G. Overton, Jane Simpson. Page: 234

[3] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1468-5922.12193

[4] Self-disgust, self-hatred, and compassion-focused therapy (2015). Philip A. Powell, Paul G. Overton, Jane Simpson. Page: 231

[5] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1468-5922.12241

[6] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/eat.20642

[7] https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/e/9780429483370/chapters/10.4324/9780429483370-2

[8] https://www.emeraldinsight.com/doi/abs/10.1108/MHSI-11-2015-0042

[9] Mindful Hypnotherapy: The Basics for Clinical Practice (2018), W. James. Page: 172