Perfectionism, you would think there is nothing wrong with it, but at a certain level of perfectionism, it can lead to burnout symptoms and even anorexia. So perfectionism seems very nice, but it can be harmful to you from a certain level. In this blog I will discuss perfectionism, what you can tell when you are a perfectionist, when it becomes a problem and what problems it can cause.
Perfectionism, what is it?
If you "suffer" from perfectionism, you want everything you do to be perfect. Your house is perfectly clean. Your work must not have a flaw. You have a healthy body. You lead a well-structured life. At least that's your goal.
The problem this can give is that you keep doubting what you are doing. After all, is it good enough? As a result, you may even suffer from procrastination.
Yet it can also turn out well, some perfectionists are great athletes precisely because they are pietistic about everything, even their rest periods. Research has been conducted on people with perfectionist traits and depression, anorexia or top athletes. This research clearly reveals dimensions of perfectionism namely:
- Personal perfectionism
- Social perfectionism
The study found that individuals with anorexia and elite athletes have high levels of personal perfectionism, with the difference being that those with anorexia rated themselves more negatively and those who practiced elite sports were actually more positive[1].
When it comes to personal perfectionism, it means that people make high demands on themselves. For example, someone with anorexia needs to be slim and will do anything for this, such as not eating.
A study conducted in 1990[2] found that there are certain factors important to the development of perfectionism, namely:
- Worrying a lot about making mistakes.
- Setting high standards/standards for yourself.
- Feeling that your parents have high expectations of you.
- Feeling that your parents are super critical.
- Doubt the quality of your actions.
- Having a preference for order and structure.
If these points are all recognizable to you, it is good to check that your behavior is not inadvertently harming yourself.
Effects of perfectionism
As mentioned, perfectionism can cause you to become a top athlete, but unfortunately it is much more likely to cause psychological problems that lead to depression, burnout, anorexia, procrastination and anxiety.
Perfectionism and burnout
Belgian research shows that school burnout can be the result of critical parents. Feeling that your parents are demanding and highly critical of you has a major impact on students who are perfectionists and who have a more socially oriented perfectionism. In fact, the same study shows that personal perfectionism actually leads to more engagement in school.
When you suffer from burnout due to perfectionism, you may notice it in great fatigue, cynicism and the feeling that you are not good enough[3].
Perfectionism and depression
Depression can come from perfectionism whether it is personal or social perfectionism. Not being able to meet expectations in those around you is incredibly annoying, if on top of this, not being able to live up to your own standards can make you depressed and is also bad for your self-confidence[4].
Perfectionism and anorexia
Perfectionism is a characteristic that people with anorexia often suffer from[5]. Unfortunately, research shows that the more perfectionist, you are the less treatable the anorexia is[6]. In fact, you have to take your perfectionism down a notch first.
However, even if you are more perfectionist than healthy people without anorexia, anorexia is treatable.
An important part of this treatment is to change rituals related to food. For example, if you often pretend to eat but don't really eat and have a set pattern for doing so, breaking this ritual is an important step toward healing. This is something a hypnosis expert can help you with.
In the process, hypnosis also helps to treat perfectionism and beliefs about the importance of your family and friends' opinions of you.
Perfectionism and procrastination
Perfectionism also leads to procrastination. You want to tackle something perfectly and then have to think about the perfect approach for a long time, for example, so there is a good chance that you will start too late and still not be able to tackle anything perfectly. In addition, wanting to find the perfect approach can lead to fear of failure.
For example, people who have a fear of statistics, such as some students, are more likely to suffer from fear of failure and perfectionism than those without these fears[7]. Such fears are also a hallmark of perfectionism.
Changing Beliefs
To change perfectionism, it is important to examine your beliefs that lead to perfectionism and when they are unhealthy for you, change them.
There are all kinds of ways to change your beliefs. One way is to first have a Socratic conversation, and then get new beliefs with hypnotic suggestions.
In a Socratic conversation, the why question is repeated several times. Initially this gets you to the core of your belief, yet if you ask the why question long enough you may find that your belief is not actually based on anything. When you get to that point, hypnotic suggestions can help you gain healthy beliefs. By repeating or listening to these suggestions daily you ensure that these healthy suggestions prevail, making you less of a perfectionist. For example, these can be suggestions such as:
"You don't have to be better than yeast every day, the same thing is good too."
"You are human, you are allowed to make mistakes just like everyone else."
"Your parents want you to be happy, even as a well-wisher."
"Your parents want to help you with criticism, they are not angry."
"As long as you do your best, it's good enough."
"Chaos and spontaneity can also be fun."
These kinds of suggestions can be repeated out loud at home during self-hypnosis, or you listen to them on an mp3, which you then got from your hypnosis expert. These are just examples. Depending on your beliefs that lead to perfectionism, you may be given other suggestions by your hypnosis expert.
Identifying cause when it is not obvious
Sometimes the cause for perfectionism is not clear. For example, you don't have strict parents and yet you feel you have to do your very best for them. Something has triggered that you think you should always do your best and even better than possible. To find out what that is you can use regression. Regression is a hypnosis technique that allows the hypnosis expert to take you back to the moment when the belief that causes perfectionism occurred. Generally, these are moments from your childhood, because you form beliefs about life and the world during that stage of your life. However, as a child, you certainly don't have all the wisdom and because of this, you may well form illogical beliefs.
Consider children who think it's their fault when their parents get divorced.
By taking a closer look at this moment with your adult knowledge, you will very quickly make sure that beliefs change or know what to do to change those beliefs.
Practicing non-perfectionist behavior
When you are used to always being a perfectionist, it can be very difficult to cut corners when needed to lower your stress levels. This is behavior that you can practice and encourage with hypnosis. Stimulating this behavior is something that can be done, for example, with a post-hypnotic suggestion. This is a suggestion that affects your behavior after you have been under hypnosis. For example, you are then instructed to do something when a certain situation happens. For example:
"You come home from work and it was an incredibly busy and stressful day. You take off your shoes and put on comfortable clothes. You are too tired to clean up and although this would not normally stop you, you leave things as they are for now. When your partner comes home you ask them to clean up a bit and tell them about your stressful day."
So this suggestion influences finding relaxation at times when normally as a perfectionist, you will still go over your limits just to create the perfect picture.
Such post-hypnotic suggestion often comes after a guided visualization. In that visualization, relaxation is created and coping with awkward feelings, such as feelings of anxiety, when you tackle something differently than usual for once. This helps you change perfectionist behavior.
Changing perfectionism is important for your own mental health. When you find that you become too anxious to do something. You become depressed or stop eating, it is important to seek help. Hypnosis is one way that can help you deal with perfectionism differently.
Want to learn more about exactly how hypnosis works and how you can use it to help yourself and others? Then come to a playshop or enroll in one of the training courses of the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands.
Also listen to this podcast:
Sources:
[1] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/019188699400192U
[2] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/bf01172967
[3] http://lirias.kuleuven.be/2327413?limo=0
[4] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/1520-6807(200011)37:6%3C535::AID-PITS6%3E3.0.CO;2-O
[5] https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/pdfplus/10.1176/appi.ajp.157.11.1799
[6] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/eat.10127
[7] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886901001489
