I don't know what I want: how to still determine your future

The great thing about our society is that you can do whatever you want. But what if you can say, "I don't know what I want?" Then all that freedom is actually a bit chaotic. In that situation, other people can tell you what you want, you can start in good spirits, but you may still find later on that it is not what you can give your energy to for a long time.

What about what you want and how do desires arise?

Why don't I know what I want?

Sometimes you can also just find it scary to decide what you want, and that fear of your own choices can keep you from deciding what you want to become or what you want to achieve in your life.

That anxiety may come from having conflicts about what you are interested in[1]. Suppose you are very talented in music and you are talented with soccer, it can be very difficult to choose whether to go for a career in music or a career in sports.

In addition, you may also have multiple views on what the right plans are for your future, and making that choice can be difficult.

Knowing and becoming who you want to be isn’t always a linear process. You might have wanted to be a firefighter when you were younger, but later in life you may have different ideas[2]. Those changes in ideas can also make you feel uncertain, because you might think you’re supposed to know what you want, and if that changes, it seems like you don’t know for sure. Yet there are plenty of people who take their lives in a completely different direction later in life. For every student, for example, becoming who you want to be is a unique journey.

That unlimited number of choices you can make about what you want in life also makes it exciting, because you can always feel like the grass would be greener if you made a different choice. The stress of choosing can then, as it were, make you feel like you don’t know what you want.

Whether you’re young or later in life, you can lose sight of who you are—for example, because of your studies or your job. This lack of a sense of self—because you’re simply going through the steps that are “expected”—can also prevent you from truly knowing what you want. First, you’re too busy trying to pass your classes—which can be very stressful and prevent you from thinking beyond that—and then you’re busy with your job and meeting your boss’s expectations.

If you’re young, your family might also push you in a certain direction because they want you to have a well-paying job later on, but that work and that job don’t necessarily have to be what you want (source 2, p. 233). You may then find that your inner world is in conflict with how you’ve always presented yourself up to that point.

I don't know what I want to become

The first question you often get is, "What do you want to be later?" If at some point you do find yourself really stuck with the question of what you want, it's good to start with who you are now and how your life is now. In fact, by first reflecting on who you are now and what situation you are in now, you can get new thoughts about how happy you are with that and what you would actually like (source 2, page 231).

Of course, it can be exciting to take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself who you are now and how life is going right now.

It is also the first step to the development you will go through to do what you want.

Another way to think about what you want to become is not to look at certain professions, but to first look at who you want to be. Then you can see what activities in terms of work fit with that.

If you don't know what you want early in life (say, around age twenty), you often still allow yourself to be too influenced by what society or people around you expect and compare yourself to other people to determine what you want. But are you in your thirties and don't know what you want? Then you are often guided more by who you would ideally like to be[3].

You can also imagine how you would or could give your life meaning to determine what you want to become.

With hypnosis, for example, you can perform a progression. This is a technique where you imagine yourself in the future and then devise steps for how you can actually achieve that image. For example, you can imagine how you give meaning to your life or what development you have gone through and then how you achieved it. This gives you tools to determine what you want to become.

I want to be in business, but don't know what

If you can already imagine wanting to be an entrepreneur, but don't yet know with what, then it's also time to take some time to think. Just wanting to be an entrepreneur, as you know, is not enough to be an entrepreneur.

You need to think about how to become an entrepreneur.

Entrepreneurs often have ideas about how they can help people or solve problems and thereby make money[4]. So you can think about how you can help people. What can you do to help people? Or you can think about how you want to help people and then develop those skills so you can build a business around it[5].

Hypnosis can also help you develop an entrepreneurial mindset . I’ve noticed myself that the belief that I wasn’t a “real” entrepreneur was holding me back from growing my business. When I transformed that belief into the conviction that I *was* a real entrepreneur, my business began to grow dramatically.

I don't know what I want with my relationship

In addition to your work life, you obviously have your personal life with which you can want something, but what if you are momentarily at a loss as to what you want with your relationship? The question then usually is: should I continue or should I break up?

And perhaps also: if I move on, how do I want to move on? More time together? Let go of each other a little more? What is wise?

For example, did you know that if you or your partner use the smartphone a lot while you are together, it is not good for your relationship? Perhaps simply making arrangements that when you are together you will leave your phone for at least an hour is enough to reduce feelings of jealousy and make you feel more connected to your partner[6].

You’re probably also imagining many scenarios about the future of your relationship, which means you’re not really “in the moment” of the relationship. By strengthening your mindfulness regarding your relationship, you’ll become more aware of its reality, which can improve your satisfaction with it. In addition, mindfulness can help you better resolve conflicts in your relationship[7].

I don't know what I want with my life

If you have absolutely no idea what you want to do with your life, you can use your life story as inspiration for your next step[8]. By taking a moment to reflect on and describe your life, you can gain insight into what you did and didn’t enjoy. With those new insights, you can determine logical next steps. And you can do all of this simply by writing down your life story.

You can also discover if there have been things in your life that have held you back at times when you wanted to shape your life story for yourself. For example, fear held you back at that time.

You can then use hypnosis, for example, to eliminate that fear so you can get on with your life.

Regression, for example, is often used to remove limiting beliefs— such as those that prevent you from making decisions, daring to dream, or taking the necessary steps. This hypnosis technique takes you back to the very first moment in your life when you felt that obstacle and then helps you interpret that moment in a different way, so that the obstacle no longer exists and you can better figure out what you want to do with your life.

Would you like to learn more about hypnosis? Then join the free online masterclass.

Or enroll in one of Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training courses .

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