The great thing about our society is that you can do whatever you want. But what if you can say, "I don't know what I want?" Then all that freedom is actually a bit chaotic. In that situation, other people can tell you what you want, you can start in good spirits, but you may still find later on that it is not what you can give your energy to for a long time.
What about what you want and how do desires arise?
Why don't I know what I want?
Sometimes you can also just find it scary to decide what you want, and that fear of your own choices can keep you from deciding what you want to become or what you want to achieve in your life.
That anxiety may come from having conflicts about what you are interested in[1]. Suppose you are very talented in music and you are talented with soccer, it can be very difficult to choose whether to go for a career in music or a career in sports.
In addition, you may also have multiple views on what the right plans are for your future, and making that choice can be difficult.
Knowing and becoming who you want to be is not always a linear process either. You used to want to be a firefighter, but later in life you may have different ideas[2]. Those changes in ideas can also make you feel insecure, because you may think you are supposed to know what you want and if you can change that, apparently you are not sure. While there are plenty of people who take their lives in a completely different direction later in life. For every student, for example, becoming who you want to be is a unique journey.
That unlimited amount of choices you can make about what you want in life also makes it exciting, because you can always feel like the grass would be greener if you made a different choice. Choice stress can then make you feel like you don't know what you want.
When you are young, and also later in life, you may lose a sense of who you are due to your studies or work, for example. This lack of your own identity, as you just go through the steps that "belong," can also cause you to not really know what you want for yourself. First you are too busy passing courses, which can cause a lot of stress and keep you from really thinking beyond that, then you are busy with your job and meeting your boss's demands.
When you are young, your family may also push you in a certain direction because they want you to have a well-paying job later, but that job and that job may not necessarily be what you want (source 2, page 233). You may then also find that your inner world is in conflict with how you have always presented yourself up to that point.
I don't know what I want to become
The first question you often get is, "What do you want to be later?" If at some point you do find yourself really stuck with the question of what you want, it's good to start with who you are now and how your life is now. In fact, by first reflecting on who you are now and what situation you are in now, you can get new thoughts about how happy you are with that and what you would actually like (source 2, page 231).
Of course, it can be exciting to take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself who you are now and how life is going right now.
It is also the first step to the development you will go through to do what you want.
Another way to think about what you want to become is not to look at certain professions, but to first look at who you want to be. Then you can see what activities in terms of work fit with that.
If you don't know what you want early in life (say, around age twenty), you often still allow yourself to be too influenced by what society or people around you expect and compare yourself to other people to determine what you want. But are you in your thirties and don't know what you want? Then you are often guided more by who you would ideally like to be[3].
You can also imagine how you would or could give your life meaning to determine what you want to become.
With hypnosis, for example, you can perform a progression. This is a technique where you imagine yourself in the future and then devise steps for how you can actually achieve that image. For example, you can imagine how you give meaning to your life or what development you have gone through and then how you achieved it. This gives you tools to determine what you want to become.
I want to be in business, but don't know what
If you can already imagine wanting to be an entrepreneur, but don't yet know with what, then it's also time to take some time to think. Just wanting to be an entrepreneur, as you know, is not enough to be an entrepreneur.
You need to think about how to become an entrepreneur.
Entrepreneurs often have ideas about how to help people or solve problems and make money in the process[4]. So you can think about what you can help people with. What can you do that you can help people with. Or you can think about what you want to help people with and then develop those skills so you can have a business in that[5].
Hypnosis can also help you have the mindset of an entrepreneur . I personally found that the idea that I was not a true entrepreneur was holding me back from growing my business. When I transformed this in myself to the idea that I was a real entrepreneur my business began to grow dramatically.
I don't know what I want with my relationship
In addition to your work life, you obviously have your personal life with which you can want something, but what if you are momentarily at a loss as to what you want with your relationship? The question then usually is: should I continue or should I break up?
And perhaps also: if I move on, how do I want to move on? More time together? Let go of each other a little more? What is wise?
For example, did you know that if you or your partner use the smartphone a lot while you are together, it is not good for your relationship? Perhaps simply making arrangements that when you are together you will leave your phone for at least an hour is enough to reduce feelings of jealousy and make you feel more connected to your partner[6].
You're probably also imagining many scenarios about the future of your relationship, which means you're not actually "in the moment" of the relationship. By strengthening your mindfulness about your relationship, you are more aware of the reality of your relationship and that can improve your satisfaction with your relationship. In doing so, mindfulness can also help you better resolve conflicts in your relationship[7].
I don't know what I want with my life
If you have no idea at all what you want with your life, you can use your life story as inspiration for your next step[8]. By taking a moment to review and describe your life, you can gain insight into what you liked and didn't like. With those new insights, you can determine possible logical next steps. And that's just by writing down your life story.
You can also discover if there have been things in your life that have held you back at times when you wanted to shape your life story for yourself. For example, fear held you back at that time.
You can then use hypnosis, for example, to eliminate that fear so you can get on with your life.
For example, regression is often used to remove beliefs that hinder you - for example, from making decisions, daring to dream or taking the necessary steps. This hypnosis technique takes you back to the first moment in your life when you felt that impediment and then helps you interpret that moment in a different way, eliminating the impediment and thus allowing you to think more clearly about what you want to do with your life.
Want to learn more about hypnosis? Then come to the free online master class.
Or enroll in one of Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' training courses .
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