Doing things on your own: out of your comfort zone

A while ago, I gave my first seminar since the pandemic to a group of 700 people. It was amazing, and the reviews afterward were also very positive. One thing that came up repeatedly was that people had overcome their fear of doing things on their own by attending the seminar.

Incredibly cool! And very nice that this move has been rewarded by the good feeling they indicated in their reviews.

Doing things on your own and stepping out of your comfort zone can be incredibly helpful for getting yourself moving and for personal growth. But what if you prefer to do things with other people?

Afraid to do something new on your own

Fear of undertaking something on your own is something more people suffer from. Especially if it's something you've never done before.

If you generally find it difficult to be alone, you may suffer from monophobia— the fear of being alone[1].

But you might also not enjoy trying something new on your own. This could be because you’re unsure of your own ability to master something new. Or perhaps you want to do something well but actually rely on others to determine whether you’re doing it right.

Many activities are, for example, things you’re “supposed” to do with other people—at least, that’s how it feels. You might worry that other people will think you ’re strange if you do such an activity on your own. Think, for example, of grabbing a bite to eat at a restaurant because you simply feel like something that’s been prepared to perfection, or going to the movies by yourself.

It is then important to take a moment to look at your beliefs about yourself, about how important you think other people's opinions are, and whether this is all helping you make the most of your life.

A hypnotherapist can help you with this through, for example, conversational hypnosis, in which you simply figure out what is holding you back with a conversation. Then a hypnotherapist can help you install new beliefs. This can be done, for example, by stimulating your imagination about your possibilities with a guided visualization.

Or by having you repeat certain affirmations, such as:

"I'm good enough."

"I get to enjoy life on my own."

"Me-time is good."

These are just examples. Depending on your beliefs, you may receive other suggestions or affirmations to repeat, so that you can overcome your fear of trying something new on your own.

Scared by your upbringing

All sorts of factors can contribute to your fear of doing something on your own. For example, you might have been taught growing up that you shouldn’t walk down the street alone at night, that you shouldn’t go out alone, and that you shouldn’t go to certain places by yourself[2].

If you have always been warned about your safety and that you are safer with other people, then in your adult life it can feel very separate to undertake something on your own. If you were punished if you went somewhere alone once or came home alone after going out, that didn't help you develop healthy helping beliefs about doing things alone either. As understandable as it is that your parents were concerned, you did end up coming home in one piece. You're reading this text so at least it didn't kill you.

Beliefs about being alone that were instilled in your upbringing need to be changed so that they do not limit your life, but instead allow you to do fun things on your own.

Ultimately, when you go to a Hypnosis Institute Netherlands seminar, you don't go alone. There are hundreds of other people and in the seminar you will also connect with them in a fun way. You may even gain new friendships through the seminar.

It's a shame then if your parents' little voice stops you from doing something for yourself. Especially if it is something that makes you happy or allows you to develop yourself.

So go see that movie or attend one of my seminars 😊.

Is all this easier said than done? Then a regression session can help people (or you) figure out why you’re afraid to do something on your own.

With regression, you go back to the time when you subconsciously decided it was better to do things with other people. This caused a certain feeling then and you still get that feeling now at the idea of doing something alone.

In your mind, you then go back to the moment and then a hypnotherapist helps you fix this moment[3], making the limiting belief go away and you do enjoy doing things on your own again instead of being anxious.

These are often moments from your childhood. Your parents may have done or said something. Someone close to you may have had something happen to them when they did something on their own. Maybe you yourself were alone when something went wrong.

It can be anything, because as a child, even very small things can make a lasting impression on you.

Scared by experience

Sometimes it's not even something very obscure that makes you afraid to do something on your own. You may also have had an unpleasant experience when you did something on your own once, which now makes you afraid to go out on your own.

In that case, you’re likely dealing with some trauma. Trauma can also be treated very effectively with hypnosis. A combination of cognitive behavioral therapy and hypnosis is often used for this purpose[4].

One way people with trauma cope to avoid facing their trauma is to avoid certain situations, such as doing things alone.

Research shows that people who are treated with hypnosis hereafter avoid things less and thus do dare to do things on their own again. Even two years after treatment, this is still noticeable, and this differs from people who have had cognitive behavioral therapy without hypnosis.

With trauma, for example, symbols are often used to process a fear in a very different way than by dealing with it directly. For example, sometimes a metaphor is used that you are going to dissolve, destroy or at least get rid of in your mind.

This can work like taking away the feeling of trauma.

If it is a childhood trauma, a hypnotherapist can also help you have the conversation with your inner child. In this conversation you can say, for example, that the child's strategy of keeping himself safe is now no longer necessary and the danger is gone.

This can also go a long way toward changing the beliefs that arose from the traumatic experience and freeing yourself up to do things on your own again. You may even experience post-traumatic growth .

Self-hypnosis to do things on your own

In addition, self-hypnosis can also help you do things on your own. After a few sessions with a hypnotherapist, you may be given “homework” in the form of MP3 recordings or other self-hypnosis exercises that help you maintain your self-confidence and courage and enjoy doing things on your own.

Should you still experience a moment of tension while doing things alone? Then self-hypnosis techniques can help you stay calm and still enjoy the activity you are engaged in.

As a hypnotherapist, helping people

So as a hypnotherapist, you can help people who are afraid to do things on their own with conversational hypnosis, working with symbols and metaphors, helping with affirmations, with regression, and by starting the conversation with the inner child.

Some techniques are easier than others, but if you take all Hypnosis Institute Netherlands courses, you will learn them all.

Would you like to learn more about how hypnosis works and how you can use it to help yourself and others? Then join the free online masterclass on hypnosis.

Instead, do you want to get started right away with techniques to make yourself and others feel better? Then come to one of our seminars or enroll in one of the training courses of the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands. The trainings you can follow in class or online. Choose a form that suits you.

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