Years ago, I was walking across the schoolyard taking my infant son to class. In front of me, a mother was walking, fussing at her infant son.
'How grumpy you are again. You're so slow. Keep walking. Don't look so angry. How stupid you are...'
And it just kept going - from the fence to almost in the classroom. Exactly how many suggestions it was, I have no idea, but there were dozens. His mother was hypnotizing him nicely.
Parenting 2.0
Pretty clever I remember thinking to just not say anything positive at all to that kid from the fence to the class. They lived fairly close to school too, so it was probably from home to class.
You saw that boy change - it's not higher math either, of course. In grade 1 and 2 he was quite a sweet little boy. Busy, occasionally bullying, but a good boy.
Now he is about to leave school and is just becoming a little pissant. Just like his brother and his little brother is probably going to be too.
But he wasn't like that; with my own eyes, I watched that boy change. Still I like him, I mean it's one of my biggest fans too. He has seen all my youtube videos, so well... My fans are always fine 😉
Still, it's a shame.
Children are born with their own unique color, but that color does not always match the family they grow up in. There, of course, rules, norms and values apply. Those black and white rules do not always fit those colorful little individuals.
And then lose their color. Add to that about thirteen years of education in which they also have to adapt to the black-and-white rules of the system, and they have practically lost their color.
Then they start following the news in which they find that it's all fear-based and with any luck they get scared too. We then have medicine for that and the circle is complete.
And there are some pretty simple solutions to consider. If only you could start as a parent by separating behavior from identity. So changing suggestions like, "You're awkward" to "You're acting awkward.
Even better would be " You're smart, but what you're doing right now isn't really very smart.
And phrasing everything positively is even better, but we all know as parents that "in the heat of the moment" we blurt out things that are not so very parenting appropriate.
When you judge someone's behavior and not their identity they simply hold their own color more.
Here's to a colorful world.
In Love ❤️
