Training your therapeutic intuition from generalizing

Generalizing is something many people do. For example, there are people who always feel they are not good enough. They always feel like a failure and they always feel insecure. This is a kind of generalization. Because if something is "always" that way, then that is a kind of generalized fact

Still, you can take some issue with this. After all, if you "always" feel insecure, that's something you can be sure about.

Once I said that, you can almost hear their brains cracking. Because, of course, every generalization always has a counterpart which does not match that generalization. So when someone says "Always uncertain," that's just not true. Just like 'Always certain' won't be true. You always find a counterexample. I find that interesting. When people say:

'It's always like that,' or 'Everyone is like that.' Or 'No one does anything... '

No one? Anyone? Always? 'Well no, not everyone and not always.' The funny thing is, if that's not true anyway, why do we use it?

Why do we generalize?

So the question is: why do we generalize our feelings? First, it’s helpful to understand how this process even begins. Generally speaking, our experiences shape our beliefs about how the world works.

A few bad relationships can quickly lead you to label everyone of the opposite sex as a cheater or a liar.

I think it's because of energy. By the energy of it. Imagine I've experienced some things ... For example, suppose I've been cheated by three men. Then it's much easier to say, 'All men are bad.' Than to say, 'Those three men I hit were no good to me.' To include 3.5 billion men among them is, of course, very crazy. But it is easier, because then you also don't have to think about whether that is true of every man.

Then you won’t have to worry about trusting people of the opposite sex. You can just say that all women are mean or that all men cheat.

Nice and easy.

In the process, it also takes less effort on your mind. Of course, that rollercoaster of emotions you can get when you are open to new experiences and new insights can be very exhausting, but it can also energize you.

Another advantage and actually disadvantage of such a generalization is: you then also see only the men who are indeed bad! So that is also true all the time.

The power of it is that you don't have to think about it anymore, because it all takes energy. And you can use that energy very well to survive. And the downside of it is that it becomes true. When I say, "All men are bad. Then I see it that way. That's my belief so then I find evidence for that.

'All foreigners are thieves'-yes, then I find evidence for that. And of course that is bullshit because there are 7 billion foreigners. The Netherlands is only a very small country and the rest are all foreigners. If those were all thieves, that's a lot of them! That's not true, of course.

A lot of my focus then goes into maintaining that belief. It's good to take a look at that. Is what I believe in right?

Generalizing because of learning

So we generalize because it takes less energy, but it’s also a good way to learn something .

If you've learned something, like riding a bike, you can do the same on any other bike. So then you can generalize that. Your body has learned that.

Just like driving, you can drive any car that’s similar to the one you learned to drive in.

Our brain can. We adapt at lightning speed, to new realities. Because we can generalize.

A computer has to recalculate all that, but we adapt because we can generalize.

There are pros and cons to this, because we also often fill in what someone is thinking or going to say. The better you know someone, the better the guess.

You often see this filling in of thoughts in therapy as well. The therapist may have quickly figured out what that person's problem is and what the solution is. That person often makes all sorts of assumptions. A therapist then often says, "I feel that way." Or he says, "I feel that differently anyway." As if that is some kind of license to spout all kinds of nonsense.

I personally kind of dislike that. Because they then see all kinds of things and think up things that may not be true at all.

For example, I once had a trainee say, "I feel like you're not feeling well enough." So then I said, "Ask the person if that's true." The person responded that he felt this very irritation because she said so. She went into it like some kind of medium at a psychic fair, saying things with very abstract communication that makes it easy to take that as true. This is not helpful. Always go by what someone is letting you know themselves. Go deeper into that, don't make something up yourself.

So ask yourself: is this my assumption? Is this person similar to someone making me generalize that? Am I doing this unconsciously?

For example, I once had a trainee who looked like my uncle. That was very unusual, because it felt like he was related to me. Of course that wasn't true, that was an interpretation on my part. I had generalized that so much because he looked like my uncle.

This is fine.

But imagine this happening to you during a therapy session or a coaching session, while you’re the therapist or coach. Imagine not being aware of your generalizations. Then you’ll start filling in all sorts of things on your own, without even realizing it.

Many people then use the excuse of intuition.

That's when I get the itch.

Two types of intuition

In fact, you have several types of intuition. Namely intuition from your gut, as if you get this from some kind of higher power, and trained intuition.

Trained intuition is often seen in professionals. Someone who has worked in construction for 20 years, then can look at a window and intuitively know which frame will or will not fit. That person just feels whether something is right or not.

For example, firefighters too, who feel they now need to get out of the house they are putting out. Then suddenly there is an explosion.

This is all trained intuition. Their senses are so attuned that they know something is wrong.

This is a different kind of intuition, but very often it is trained. I have more with trained intuition.

That intuition that comes from a higher power doesn't always go well with that. I'm not saying it's not there, but you just see that it goes wrong more often. Because people have their own interpretation of something anyway.

With trained intuition, when you really start training to see and hear more sharply and recognize micro-expressions in the face, you find out more quickly what the real problem is[1]. That's when you hear and see. This further helps you as a therapist to hook into what you see and hear and then you can drill down on that to get to the root of the problem.

Research also shows that more experienced therapists can work better with their clients than those who have had less experience and training[2].

This is better than getting something from a higher power or "feeling" something. You can of course train this feeling, such as what energy you get from people and when a shift occurs in it, but this is still very difficult.

Intuitively swimming or biking when you've never done it before just goes wrong. Then you fall or then you drown.

I have much more with training, than with people who say they don't need training and do everything intuitively.

It's often that training that allows you to generalize. That you can intuitively cycle or recognize something.

Also listen to this podcast:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/1127660-de-intuitie-bullshit

What should you look for as a hypnotherapist?

During the hypnosis playshop, we teach students how to put people into hypnosis. Because hypnosis can be very similar to relaxation, we also indicate what to look for to see if someone is in hypnosis.

For example, we explain that sometimes people will wobble or sway back and forth a bit (this is very minor). Or that people's eyelids start to twitch a little. You also often see that people start smiling and can't hold back that smile.

This is only what you will learn during the playshop. Just imagine all the other things you can learn during the training to train yourself to become a good coach or hypnotherapist.

You’ll also learn when it’s helpful to ask follow-up questions based on intonation or subtle changes in facial expressions. All of this helps your client resolve their issue—whether it’s anxiety, trauma, or simply a practical matter.

In addition, in the training you will learn for yourself how to see that someone has solved a problem. Generally, this happens with a deep sigh or through breathing, which then suddenly becomes much freer.

People also often report that they literally feel lighter. You can see this, too. A big smile or maybe something else.

Want to know more?

Want to learn more about how hypnosis works and whether you can get people into hypnosis? Then come to the free online master class on hypnosis .

Would you like to see a therapist, like me, in action and learn how hypnosis works and what it can do? Then come to a seminar.

Want to get started right away on becoming a skilled hypnotherapist or life coach using hypnosis? Then sign up for one of our training programs.

Sources:

[1] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10503309912331332561

[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3330657/