Social factors: The power of your environment

Social factors are those in your social environment. The power of your environment cannot be underestimated. You are often the average of your five best friends. Then you better make sure those best friends of yours are the average of who you want to be when you look at them

They are at least the five people you interact with the most. Sometimes it seems like you have no choice in that, and I say seems on purpose, too.

Many people say:

"My family, that's where I hang out a lot."

"People who I live with, that's who I hang out with often," he said.

"And I don't want to be that average, but I can't do anything about it," says Dr. K. K., who is a member of the community.

You don't. You can choose to interact with other people. Now this is easier said than done. Because you often find yourself attracting people who are similar to you. That's also nice to hang out with, but that's how you stay who you are. In itself, that's fine.

But if you want to grow, if you want to change, if you want to be different from who you are now (perhaps a bit more disciplined, more athletic, slimmer, fitter, wealthier, or in a relationship—or someone you’d like to emulate socially), then look to those who already have what you want and learn from them. In any case, it’s helpful to have people around you who also want to grow and develop—people who look beyond their own little world.

That other way isn’t wrong. I used to hang out with users, and I was a user myself. Back then, I didn’t want to interact with other people at all. But once you no longer want to use drugs, it’s not a good idea to keep hanging out with users.

Because at some point you become like this. You may think you're stronger than that, but that's a cognitive illusion. You just become average.

If you spend time with five very overweight people, there’s a good chance you’ll gain weight too. If you spend time with complainers, you’re also more likely to become a complainer yourself. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but that’s very difficult. It’s very difficult to stay true to yourself when everyone else is something or doing something you don’t want to be or do. In that case, it’s better not to associate with them.

This sounds easy, but it's not. In fact, it can be painful to quit the old environment before you have a new one.

It's easier to hang out with other people, so you don't have time to hang out with the old people. But where do you find these new people?

Triggering event search for a new environment

Research shows that you need a "triggering event" for personal development in your adult life[1]. This can happen to you, or you can consciously seek it out.

I remember when I started doing hypnosis. At first, people thought I was very strange and separate, but not anymore (well, many people still think I am separate). However, now I also know many more people who don't think so, because now I know many people who also do hypnosis. I also helped create this myself.

But those people who are interested in hypnosis I meet more and more, which is fun. It's the same way with my business. At a certain point you meet more and more entrepreneurs and then you want to grow, now I'm more and more in a different category of people I deal with.

Determine where to find people

You then do this through seminars or masterminds, you have to invest in these and some require you to be of a certain level entrepreneur (or business) to join.

Then you already know there are people there who at least have the same results as me. Then I don't know what they are like yet, but roughly. Because you have a certain personality to do that and I like dealing with them.

Those entrepreneurs may have very different businesses and be very different than I first thought. Also different people than I thought would be fun to deal with.

This is a blind spot of us humans. Because we want something, but may not interact with those people. Or we don't even know exactly which people it is we want to interact with, but of course they are out there somewhere.

Imagine you want to learn hypnosis and meet people who do the same, you go to a workshop. You don't know exactly who they are or what their background is, but you do know that you have the common denominator that they are interested in hypnosis. At such a workshop, you meet them.

Then you can practice and meet with them.

You also know they want to develop personally, otherwise why spend money on such a workshop. Then you have to find people who are willing to invest in themselves.

Want something different, like dealing with musicians? Then you can take music lessons, start a band or go to a jam session. That's also how I used to get into a band. I was interested in that, then I started hanging out with musicians, and because of that I also became more and more musical.

Thus, there are many groups, but it starts with you. What do you want? Do you want to learn something? Go to a workshop, but do you want to be like that?

Do you want to be someone who is working on personal development? Do you want to be surrounded by people who want to learn and grow? If so, it hardly matters which personal development workshop you choose to attend.

When you look at which people you want to interact with, also look at the price of that workshop. With us, a workshop is 130 euros.

If you go to a free workshop, it's variable. You then have people with no money who want to develop and people with money who want to develop. Who do you want to hang out with? Nothing against anyone, but imagine you want to have or earn more money, then it's helpful to hang out with people who already have it.

Then you better go to a more expensive workshop, because then you know that people have the money and are willing to invest in such a workshop. That's a certain type of person then. The issue is not whether this is better or worse.

You also have workshops that cost 1,000 euros a day, then you already know that many people are not there. That there are other types of people sitting there. Imagine you have five of those people as your best friends? Then everything goes up, like your personal growth, and you will meet more and more of those types of people.

Change is sometimes uncomfortable

Yes, it is an investment and yes this can hurt. My first investment for a mastermind hurt a lot, but I'm so glad I did it that I do this every year now. After all, I know it will pay me so much.

It's a mindset of sorts, are you willing to invest in yourself? Then you will get it back ten times over. I know this now, but I had to learn it by going through that pain.

It’s been incredibly rewarding for me. Not only in terms of income, but also in terms of my network, growth, and mindset.

My business, myself, my relationships with friends, and my relationship with my children have all changed. This is because of the investment I made to become part of that group. At first, I didn’t feel at home there at all. I felt like the dumbest kid in the class—everyone else was better. Those kinds of old thoughts came back to me. But at some point, all of that went away.

At first, it was really painful. The investment was painful. Dealing with those people was painful. The conflict with myself was painful. It was all a hassle, and at some point, it was gone. I felt like I was on the same level as those people—which, of course, I had been all along.

But the funny thing was that my income, feelings and all these other things also became similar to those people's. That's a very interesting phenomenon. I can't pinpoint what I did now, but I can say that I became different.

Events like that can be your kickstart to a new environment where you experience spectacular growth. I also see it in participants of my hypnosis seminar. After two days they are completely full of energy, they meet new people, friendships for life develop and they grow like crazy.

But I now also provide extraordinary leadership with Tibor Olgers, Richard de Leth and Thijs Lindhout. That's a group of people who are all making huge impact in their own way. Thijs has the best podcast in the Netherlands, Richard is one of the best-known nutrition experts, and Tibor teaches one of the best masterminds and retreats in the Netherlands. Maybe even of Europe.

In it, you get a huge growth spurt and gain a whole other network of people who are otherwise unreachable. Investors, multi-millionaires.

It's all about the mindset and making yourself feel like there's a lot to gain. It's primarily about what you want.

Hang out with those people and have fun with them.

Would you also like to connect with people who are interested in hypnosis? Then join us for a free online masterclass on hypnosis or sign up right away for one of our training programs.

[1] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1088868316652279