Saying no: how to make it easier?

One question submitted was: how can you say no more easily? In a nutshell, of course, you can say "no," but I'll elaborate a bit. After all, it is not a difficult word. It is simple to repeat in the mirror with which you can condition yourself, but then things can go wrong when you want to say "yes" just once somewhere

Saying "yes" to everything may be a better strategy than saying "no" to everything, but it is still awkward.

Maybe in your case, a little more "no" is a good thing to do.

Saying No to People

If I ask you if you will join me in the darkroom tonight to be pampered by five men and women, chances are very good that you will say "no." If you still say "yes," then unfortunately I suddenly can't 😉.

But why is it suddenly much easier to say "no"? Why is it very easy to say "no" when we go flying and jump out of a plane without a parachute .

This is because you can be sure you won't. Then again, the question is why are you sure you're not going to do this?

That's because it chafes, it goes completely against your values.

For example, you find it very important to share sexuality with someone you love. Then, of course, the darkroom question is very easy to say no to.

If you care very much about living, you will also easily refuse to jump out of a plane without a parachute.

If you then make it more normal, it is important to know what is important to you yourself.

The difficulty you may have in saying no then often stems from a conflict in values.

For example, you care about helping people.

Or maybe it doesn’t feel right to turn people down, because you don’t like being turned down yourself .

But why is that important? Perhaps because of the idea of belonging and being allowed to be there.

If you say "no" then that is also a signal of not belonging. In a private situation, it's fine if you don't join a gangbang.

Saying no at work

But in the work situation, it's harder to say no to your colleague, because then you might not belong.

On the other hand, if you want to say no because you're super busy and already rushing everything, then you want to say no. But then the question is why is it important to properly finish the work that's already there, instead of fraying off? Then you might get satisfaction.

Is that value strong enough against the other value of belonging? Probably not. Rather belonging than no satisfaction.

The most important value then often determines why you say yes or no.

Then you can think through what that satisfaction brings you. For example, attention, what's important about that? Then you are seen and then you belong again. Then it already becomes a dual thing.

If you then belong from "being seen," why is that important? Then maybe you are loved or allowed to be there.

Imagine:

"I never belong, but I get to be there."

Contrast that with:

"I belong, but I'm not allowed to be there."

In that case, finishing the work you already have is more important than accommodating your colleague.

So it is important to know why you say no. If you don't know this, it is very difficult to say "no."

The reasons: "No, sorry I have to finish this and I want to do it right."

Then the colleague can say, "Yeah, it's not that important anyway."

Then you say, "I do think that's important so yes, it is important."

So you can say "I don't want to rattle off your work either, that's no good to anyone. If I can do it well I would like to help you, but not now"

You don't have to share the underlying unconscious reasons then, but those are important for yourself to be able to refuse without feeling weird or awful.

This way it feels fine and if you're not sure why you're saying no, you'll doubt and then say yes.

That goes for work situations, that goes for with your children. So think carefully about why you want to say "no." After all, if you know and feel that way, it will be easier.

That is not to say that things then suddenly always go well. When you are tired, it is easier to say yes. In the beginning it can still be an unconscious habit to say yes, but train yourself to think what you think is important and whether that is more important than the "yes" to the other person.

So gather for yourself drivers to substantiate the "no". Then you can also find reasons to make the "no" clear for the other person.

But it starts internally, what do you think is important and from that interest you can say yes or no.

Also listen to this podcast:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/2702992-nee-zeggen-hoe-doe-je-dat-makkelijker?play=true

Saying No to Temptation

So to people it has now become easier to say no, but sometimes you may find yourself in impulsive situations where it is more difficult to say no. After all, saying no is also a form of self-control.

If you have specific goals, such as losing weight or doing a certain job, there may be things in your life that you need to say “no” to, even though you end up saying “yes” to them.

Researchers indicate that the goal you have and the motivation you have for it make it easier or more difficult to say no. For example, with goals you want to achieve, you keep your focus easier than with goals you need to achieve[1].

This also actually distinguishes between intrinsic motivation, want, and extrinsic motivation, need (due to external circumstances).

So again, the inner self and inner motivation is very important to say no to temptation that prevents you from achieving your goals.

Saying no is choosing for yourself

Therefore, saying no is also choosing for yourself. You consider why you think something is important, which makes it easier to say no. If you do say yes in this way, then you choose the "yes" because you want it yourself.

If you find it difficult to ask that why question of yourself and put your own best interests first, a hypnotherapist can help you with this. Under hypnosis, for example, you can then get to the belief that is blocking you from saying no more quickly, and the hypnotherapist can help you determine how that belief can also indirectly cause you to be able to say no correctly.

Is that still difficult for you? Then regression therapy can help. With regression, you go back to the very first moment when something prevented you from saying no.

The hypnotherapist then helps you interpret that moment in a different way, making it easier to say no after all. This might involve, for example, empathizing with the people who were there at the time, or having your current self have a conversation with your past self.

There are many things that can be done with hypnosis to make saying no easier.

Disconnecting feelings of guilt from no

What often happens when you say no is that it makes you feel weird. For many people, this feels like guilt, when in fact there is no need for it. With hypnosis you can change the anchoring of that feeling when you say no. So in addition to all the steps above, this can also be done.

By using touch and positive feelings, the association that “no” is linked to guilt —or another negative emotion—can be broken, so that you feel even better when you rightly say no.

Want to know how hypnosis works and how to apply these techniques in practice? Then come to the free online hypnosis master class.

Or sign up for one of the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands. Ideal if you want to help yourself or others. Whether this is in your personal life or in a professional capacity, such as a life coach or similar role.

Source:

[1] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-21603-001