Arguing with your partner is never fun, but it is sometimes said that it is precisely in a good relationship that you argue. So how do you make sure you argue in a healthy way that prevents you from getting into trouble again afterwards over the same issue?
Arguing in relationship
So arguing in your relationship is usually not fun unless you can resolve it properly with something that works for both partners. In that case, arguing can relieve a lot of tension in a relationship.
At least you don't have to worry that only you have arguments in your relationship. It's actually something that comes with relationships. How you argue greatly affects how satisfied you are with the relationship, how stable your relationship is and whether your relationship can change[1].
Sometimes it is not possible to completely solve the problem in one argument, so you end up with a "series" of arguments for resolution. This happens, for example, when one person repeatedly starts an argument, while the other always resists it.
Unfortunately, the arguments in this "series" often become repetitive, especially if there is no actual resolution.
What is interesting is that the "series" can be looked at in different ways. In fact, for the person who brings up the issue, after the arguments progress, the problem is seen as something that can be resolved and is good for the relationship.
For the person who is always resistant, during the series of arguments, the problem actually becomes more and more perceived as something that cannot be resolved and is detrimental to the relationship[2].
How do you view arguing in your relationship?
Your beliefs about how good or bad arguments are in your relationship also affect your relationship.
If you don't have a problem with arguments and think they can improve your relationship, this will actually make you look for a solution more and be more open to what your partner is saying[3].
In the process, these people often find relationships more enjoyable and experience a greater degree of personal well-being.
If you correctly believe that arguing is bad for your relationship, this may say something about your way of bonding. People with this belief often have an anxious or avoidant attachment style. In addition, it also affects the arguments you use in an argument. If you think that arguing is bad, you are more focused on yourself and try to dominate or deny that you did anything wrong while arguing.
The way you attach even affects how you view your partner. For example, if you have an avoidant attachment style, you may be more likely to think your partner is manipulating you, rejecting you or simply not responding to you.
So it is much more helpful on positive beliefs about having an argument with your partner.
Seeking help for arguments with your partner
If you have such a repetitive "series" and you just can't seem to get out of it, it may be helpful to seek help to argue constructively.
Often you then get relationship therapy. When people engage in relationship therapy, the subconscious is often ready to find a solution, but the conscious can be an obstacle. Therefore, hypnosis for relationship therapy can also be interesting, because hypnosis helps you to be more in touch with your subconscious.
In this type of setting, you get help to understand each other, for example, by:
- Role-play each other's communication styles.
- Gain understanding of each other.
- Gain empathy for each other.
- Finding a Solution.
Working on yourself for less arguments with partner
In addition, you can also look at your own role. Research on hypnosis for personal development in women shows that it helps women be more connected to themselves, have a purpose in their lives, and as a result, they have fewer arguments with their partners[4].
In fact, you may accidentally incorporate your partner into your own identity. Everything your partner does is then suddenly something "you" do, and if that's not what you want, it can cause arguments.
By correctly having an identity that refers only to yourself, which means you don't say "Hi, I'm the partner of X," you help yourself feel less bothered by your partner.
In addition, hypnosis can also help you improve your relationship in other ways, by precisely improving your self-confidence. Research shows that hypnosis can help you feel more capable and have a better mood in general[5].
Reducing anxiety
As mentioned, your way of bonding can also affect arguments in your relationship. If you have a lot of anxiety about your partner, you may develop awkward habits as a result, which can fuel arguments.
By working precisely on your own fears, you can ensure that you argue less in your relationship. You can also do this in conjunction with couples therapy, where the couples therapist is then also aware of your fears[6].
So how does hypnosis help?
So hypnosis can help you reduce strife in your relationship. There are a number of ways to do this. For example, you can gain insight into each other's traumas that affect how you treat each other.
Finding out the origins of limiting beliefs
You can also go to the source of limiting beliefs that make it difficult for you to find a solution together. For example, if you have a belief that arguing in your relationship is bad, a hypnotherapist can use the regression technique to help people go back to the first moment when that belief arose.
These are often moments from childhood. Perhaps you watched your parents argue, perhaps someone made a comment about a couple who ended up divorcing. It could be anything, but with regression you'll find out where a limiting belief arose for you.
Then the hypnotherapist can update those beliefs[7], making you more likely to believe, for example, that arguing is healthy for your relationship and allowing you to learn how to argue in a positive way.
This technique can also be used to eliminate fears. In this case, the cause of the anxiety is examined.
Putting your partner in the right place
Sometimes arguments with your partner can also come from putting your partner in a higher place mentally, too close or too far away from yourself, for example.
One technique that can then be used is the social panorama. The idea behind this is that you have in your mind a kind of social map where you put people. You imagine an empty space, so to speak, and then see in front of you where your partner is, your parents, friends, family, colleagues and maybe some more people you vaguely know from somewhere.
Sometimes you can put your partner in the wrong place in your mind that doesn't help you with arguments. Like too high, too low or behind you. By placing your partner in the same position as you or in front or behind you (whatever you like), you can do a lot to change your mindset towards your partner and thus your behavior[8].
Perhaps you will become less indulgent than you have been so far if this has caused strife. You may actually become more indulgent than you have been so far. Either way, it will have an effect and that may already improve your relationship.
Visualizations
Visualizations can also be used with hypnosis. For example, a memory of a particular argument can be viewed in different ways. For example, as a kind of spectator or you can empathize with your partner to see what the argument was like for him or her.
This type of visualization can improve understanding and empathy toward each other, and it can give you ideas about how you will address certain problems in the future.
Post-hypnotic suggestions
Then there are post-hypnotic suggestions. These are suggestions that affect your behavior after hypnosis. For example, they can be used to reinforce mindfulness during arguments.
For example, you may be suggested to let go of the emotion of the moment of the argument and look practically at the problem so that you and your partner can find a practical solution to the problem.
Learn Hypnosis
So hypnosis can help you transform arguments with your partner into something beautiful. Arguing is then no longer something that just makes you feel terrible, but instead is a positive discussion about how to make the relationship better for each other.
Want to learn more about hypnosis? Then come to the free online master class.
Or enroll in one of our training courses.
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