"I haven't been myself or never been myself all these years," said Acda and the Munnik, who a long time ago wrote a song about someone who had lost himself in his relationship. If I understand the song correctly, the partner finds this too and the relationship really does go out at some point because of this. How is that possible? In what situations can you lose yourself and if that has happened, how do you tackle finding yourself again? In this blog I explore this in more detail.
How do you find yourself?
You are always you, but it may be that everything you are doing now is something that doesn't make you happy at all. It may even seem like your body is working against you when you start doing something, whether at work or in your private life. Your subconscious then actually screams very loudly that you are not being yourself or at least not pretending to be yourself.
Finding yourself is often also listening to that feeling and asking yourself, "What do I want now?" All sorts of things may already come to mind when asking what you do want now. This may give you a particular goal to work toward or something to do with. For example, you may want to wear different clothes, do something different in the evening than you do now or even a different job.
This is the beginning of your path to finding yourself again. Just like Cinderella, it is necessary to make the journey to happiness so that you find your self-worth and belief in yourself again. This is why the fairy did not simply transform her whole life[1].
So losing yourself is actually part of your personal development to find yourself again. Finding yourself with a little effort makes you appreciate yourself more than when everything is always going smoothly.
Finding yourself after relationship breakup
As the song by Acda and the Munnik shows, losing yourself can cause your relationship to end badly. Perhaps the relationship breakup is even very sudden for you, and if you did suffer from feelings of dependency, this can cause you to now have to find yourself again.
The annoying thing about a relationship breakup is that it can leave you feeling incredibly self-doubting. After all, you've been rejected, so are you good enough being yourself?
Yes, you certainly are! Finding yourself again is even more important now than before, because you may want to try to find love again in a while. If at that time you have found yourself again, then you can find someone who suits you and accepts you as you are. As you really are yourself! This is also an important strategy for finding a partner who is a long-term fit for you[2].
Even after a relationship, ask yourself the question, "What do I want now?"
You may also suffer from a much lower production of dopamine; a hormone that makes you feel happy. To resist this a bit, you can do things that can also give you a bit of dopamine such as exercising, petting animals (if you have a pet, you can do that at home and otherwise they might be looking for volunteers at the animal shelter) or dating friends[3].
For example, you can also ask yourself, "What do I like?" You can then go down that list to double-check whether something makes you happy or not.
Finding yourself in a relationship
If you find out before a relationship breakup that you have lost yourself in the relationship, it is important to find yourself again already in the relationship. You can talk about this with your partner, so they know where they stand when you suddenly start doing completely different things than before.
When someone loves you, this is not a problem at all, because after all, that person wants the best for you. Who knows, maybe your partner also wants to be more himself or herself and you both can do something to still have a nice relationship together, without it feeling like work because you cannot be yourself. Your partner may also suddenly start doing completely different things than before.
If you are afraid of losing your relationship when you are being yourself, ask yourself how long can you sustain the relationship if you are not yourself? How good is that for you? And how fair is that to your partner? Wouldn't you rather be able to be yourself the rest of your life with your partner than spend the rest of your life playing some kind of role that makes you unhappy? Give your partner a chance to be able to love the "real you" too.
These types of fears often depend on beliefs you have about love, relationships and what it takes to receive love and for relationships to last. However, the beliefs do not have to be true. This is because most beliefs originate in your childhood.
With regression, you can do something to find out where fear of rejection, for example, comes from, and then you can resolve that cause. You'll learn how that works in the HIN's first training.
Finding yourself after childbirth
If your relationship is going absolutely perfect and it is crowned with a love baby you may have another moment in your life when you momentarily lose yourself. After all, if you have just become a parent, everything is about the child for a while and not about you.
Finding yourself again after childbirth can be necessary because of a traumatic birth or because you are going just a little too hard for parenthood and losing yourself completely in it. Or even a combination of both.
Research shows that natural childbirth with the help of a doula and surrounded by loved ones can make you lose yourself less and instead feel like you are finding yourself through childbirth[4].
So if things have not gone the way you want at all and you feel you have lost yourself because of this, you can perform a kind of attachment therapy using hypnosis. Then you get the very suggestion to imagine what it would have been like if everything went perfectly. The perfect conception, the perfect pregnancy, the perfect delivery and the perfect beginning period with your baby. This imagination can then do a lot to regain peace of mind, to bond well with your baby and to regain the feeling that all is well and that you are yourself.
In addition, this can also help you with your new identity as a parent.
This is a form of regression therapy, but slightly different. Visualizations and feeling good are encouraged by the hypnotherapist, though.
Finding yourself after burnout
Many adults with children, as well as those without children, find that life sometimes demands a little too much of them and end up in burnout. This can be because of their work or because of setbacks in their personal life, and sometimes it is all at once. This is always very unpleasant.
So how do you get out of that valley again? Then how do you find yourself again?
One of the most important things to do if you suffer (or have suffered) from burnout is to relax. The more relaxation the better. There are even treatments with a float tank, a kind of saltwater pool where you also don't get any outside stimuli that is combined with psychotherapy. Just using the tank can do a lot for people with burnout and even depression, but it's even better if you get therapeutic treatment with it.
In hypnosis, relaxation also plays an important role. In fact, you are then in a sort of relaxed state while receiving the therapy. You can't do that with the float tank.
Hypnotherapy helps you find your own resources and your own power again, to rebuild and find yourself again[5]. This is then done with suggestions that reduce stress and suggestions about one's own strengths to heal oneself. In addition, the ego is also strengthened. This is about building self-confidence and finding out why things have been done the way they have been done so far. What intention did a person have with his or her behavior that ultimately led to the burnout? Indeed, this insight can be used to fulfill that intention in a healthier way so that you don't relapse into burnout.
Finding yourself after depression
If you fail to notice burnout or otherwise suffer from long-term stress, it can lead to depression. When you are depressed, you often lose yourself completely because you no longer like anything you used to like. You often can't think of what you would like anymore either. You just don't want anything anymore.
So how do you find yourself when it's hard to listen to your feelings?
In any case, hypnosis can help you stop retrieving painful memories and calm your body when you feel a bit worked up[6]. This can already take the sharp edges off depression.
After that, gestalt therapy, hypnosis that addresses your feelings, and regular hypnotherapy can also help you find yourself again[7].
Want to know exactly how hypnosis works to help you find yourself again? Then come to the free online master class.
Or register for one of our seminars or trainings .
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