No we are not talking here about real scammers who are scamming people by the conveyor belt. However, people who suffer from scammer syndrome do feel that they are scamming people on an ongoing basis, when that is not the case. Do you feel that you are a scammer at work or in your social life? Then read this article to see if you recognize yourself in scammer syndrome, maybe it's not all that bad.
What is scammer syndrome?
People who suffer from conman syndrome often feel that they do not deserve the social or professional position they have. Especially successful people with a hidden sense of insecurity often suffer from this syndrome.
If you suffer from this syndrome, you find it difficult to admit to yourself that you yourself are the reason for your personal success. Instead, you point to external factors as the cause of your success.
Women are more likely to suffer from this syndrome than men.
This syndrome is also more common in men from minority backgrounds, such as immigration backgrounds, than in men who are not from minority backgrounds. Thereby, knowledge about positive discrimination can reinforce this feeling among people from minority backgrounds.
Men who come from a lower social class below middle class are also more likely to suffer from this syndrome than middle and upper social class men.
Many people who suffer from scammer syndrome also do not feel they can talk about their feelings which makes them feel very isolated.
In addition, this syndrome also affects your motivation by undermining your sense of being able to do something and even your self-esteem. In addition, you may also suffer from anxiety, depression, shame and often doubt yourself. As a result, conman syndrome can cause you to miss opportunities to become even more successful than you already are.
There are 3 types of feelings people can have when suffering from this syndrome namely:
Feeling like a fraud
Your biggest fear is that someday you'll be exposed as someone who doesn't know what he's talking about at all. You don't even have to have this feeling only as a successful adult. You can suffer from these feelings even as a young person.
For example, if you go to a university that has a good reputation, you may feel that you don't deserve that place despite graduating high school.
You're just very lucky
Life is going very well and you are working hard. Yet you feel like you are very lucky and that is the reason for your success, rather than all your hard work.
You just happen to have the right connections and you just happen to be in the right place to seize opportunities.
You are too humble
People who suffer from conman syndrome have a hard time accepting compliments. As a result, a compliment is often brushed off or you even start to think people are being sarcastic with you instead of seeing the compliment for what it is.
Scammer syndrome treatment
Because scammer syndrome can hold back your happiness and the opportunities you offer yourself, it is important to get rid of this feeling. In doing so, you can then enjoy success that you achieve much better.
Writing Therapy
The scammer syndrome is treated in the Netherlands with writing therapy, among other methods. In this therapy, you are asked to write down your thoughts in certain situations. Through this way of writing you organize your thoughts and you can find out whether your thoughts are helping you or not.
Coherence Therapy
Coherence therapy addresses a variety of unconscious feelings and beliefs stored primarily in the right brain. This particularly involves the subconscious. To reach this area, you can also use hypnotherapy.
During this therapy, for example, you figure out the beliefs you have that cause some emotions in certain situations.
The hypnotherapist can then help you change those beliefs and provide more control over your emotions in those situations.
Other tips against scammer syndrome
In addition to these two treatment methods, there are other ways to suffer less from scammer syndrome.
It's a normal feeling
You're not the only one who suffers from this feeling. Perhaps even someone you look up to is also a victim of scammer syndrome. There are even many celebrities who suffer from this syndrome such as the Harry Potter actress Emma Watson.
Tell someone
Tell someone you trust, such as a close friend or girlfriend, that you are suffering from these feelings. If he/she tells you to just stop feeling this way you can leave again, but chances are you'll actually get an ego boost, tips on how to cope or even recognition of the problem.
Self-compassion during self-reflection
Are you often critical of yourself? Even before other people criticize you, you are already tearing down your work? By being kinder to yourself and making your thoughts more positive, you can already suffer less from the negative effects of conman syndrome.
By actually giving yourself plus points for what you do and accomplished that day to change the mindset of the con artist.
Acknowledge mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes. Perhaps you very much look up to colleagues or other professionals within your field. No one has achieved his/her position without making mistakes. Does that make them worthless? So when you make a mistake, there is absolutely no need to punish yourself extra by being mean to yourself or panicking.
Instead, think about what you learned from the mistake so you can do better next time.
Make goals measurable
In many courses and professions, you need to make goals s.m.a.r.t.. This means specific, measurable, universally recognized, realistic and with a time frame. The specific designation, measurability, realistic and time frame are especially important. By keeping track of this, you can internalize skills you apply and work you put in to achieve a goal that allows you to actually point to only yourself as the cause of success.
Expect to make mistakes when you start something
Now that you have made your goals s.m.a.r.t. you are starting something new. However, goal achievement is never straightforward. By expecting to make mistakes you get less upset when you actually make mistakes.
Did learning to ride a bike used to go right the first time, too?
Accept Yourself
By accepting yourself as you are, including mistakes you make, you will suffer less from conman syndrome. In fact, conman syndrome is also caused by continuing to compare yourself to other people in a similar or higher position.
Focus instead on yourself and things you can control, such as how you do your work, what thoughts you have and what emotions belong to you.
You can practice with new material in an environment where there is little risk of anyone seeing your "failure ." You can also ask for help from other people, but do so with people with whom you don't easily feel strong emotion.
Remind yourself of all that you have already accomplished
Have you ever published anything anywhere? Do you have references from colleagues? Have you won an award? Check these things out from time to time and actually read them. These are really things you have earned yourself.
Find someone you can learn from
Connect with someone you can learn from. Preferably someone of your own gender and sexual orientation. For example, if you find entrepreneurship difficult, you can get coaching from another entrepreneur on the tricks of the trade, such as networking, lecturing or other activities that fit your business (or work).
Teach yourself
Teaching yourself also exposes you to the knowledge you have. Surprise yourself by giving a guest lesson to a school in your area or simply with a workshop.
Confronting your own knowledge with the lack of knowledge of people who really have yet to begin learning makes you feel less like a fraud.
Sometimes you're just the newbie
Remind yourself that your knowledge on a subject does not mean you know everything about all of life. A major change in your life often means you have to learn new things again. For example, you have been given a manager position and although you know how to do the executive work, you still need to grow in managerial work.
By seeing yourself as a learning manager (or whatever change means to you) you allow yourself time to make mistakes. In the process, other people are also more accepting of those mistakes when you indicate that you are learning.
For kids: Compliment the effort
To prevent your child from suffering from scamming syndrome, it is important to compliment effort in addition to results. Did your child get an 8? Then also tell him/her that this is because of all the effort he/she put in to have enough knowledge for the test. This will internalize the result instead of him/her guessing all the answers "accidentally" correctly.
Want to learn more about mental techniques for accepting yourself? Then come to a seminar or playshop and check out Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' trainings.
Sources:
http://newprairiepress.org/aerc/2017/papers/1/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-be-yourself/201708/nine-ways-fight-impostor-syndrome
https://integrity.apta.org/Blog.aspx?blogid=10737421427&id=47244640588
