A while ago, I watched the documentary "My sex is broken." The woman in that documentary just had sex in the beginning of relationships, but then when she felt safe in the relationship she just didn't feel like it anymore. So what's the problem?
This has been a pattern in all its relationships.
That's a little different from when you don't want to have sex because you're just asexual. That doesn't have to be a problem for you, maybe it is for your partner. This cannot necessarily be solved with hypnosis.
But what I do know is that when you've had a sexually traumatic experience you don't feel like sex at all, or sometimes it turns the other way. Then all you want to do is have sex. Then you go into the porn industry or whatever.
Many people who work in the porn industry have a damaged sexual past. Then you see they're like: "Fuck it, this is how I deal with this."
Is that a bad thing? If they don't mind, no.
But it's a consequence. If it hadn't happened, would they have done it? Maybe not.
But, of course, everyone must decide for themselves.
Something is not a problem until it is a problem for you.
Symptom versus problem management
I saw in that documentary that not feeling like sex was a problem for her. In that documentary, they were going to combat the symptom. Trying on lingerie, seeing if the body responded to sexual stimuli, it did, confronting the mother, setting boundaries.
These were all external solutions before now. An external solution now, for an internal problem of the past.
We often see in practice that today's problem is not what really matters. You saw this ultimately in the documentary. She wanted something from her mother that she would never get. And if her mother did give it to her now, it was too late.
The beauty is that with hypnosis, we go back to the moment when something should have happened. Then we do something with that so you feel like it happened, and that feels liberating. Then you see the symptoms disappear.
We see this happening incredibly often in training and our work. During exams, I also notice that the problem people have is not the real problem.
People with fear of the dark often don't necessarily have a fear of the dark. With life-changing therapy, you then find out that when that person was three years old, an action of her brother had startled her in a dark bedroom. He threw something from under the bed as she walked into the room.
That's what they have come to generalize, that unexpected things can happen in the dark.
In the winter then, that person barely got outside.
It's so fascinating to me that a problem often has to do with very different things than you initially think.
That woman's problem had nothing to do with sex; that was a symptom. But so it was about something else entirely.
That documentary then does a good job of showing that and that can cause you to think about your problems yourself. This can make the problem with sex, money, love or relationships more discussable.
For example, that you no longer feel like having sex or that you find sex difficult. How can that be? It's often the case that you are acting unnaturally about it.
We do the same in the world. We handle resources unnaturally, and that can cause problems.
You also see it with unnatural foods, which can cause problems.
It's hard to talk about this. Because if we are not sure what is right, we often feel attacked when someone says something about it.
The point is mainly about seeking external solutions to internal problems that once arose in the past. Often you are not aware of this, as it may have arisen at the age of three, for example.
But it's good to know that problems are solvable. If you experience something as a problem, it can be hypnotized out. Such an unhealthy pattern and then a wrong search to solve it I think is a terrible shame, because it takes so long.
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/2238368-mijn-seks-is-stuk?play=true
Your emotions are unique because of your inner world
What's also interesting is that emotions can't always be triggered the way you expect. Researchers often use images, words and movies to trigger emotions, but those studies often do not reveal the emotion one expects beforehand.
According to the researchers, this has to do with the participants' inner world, the inner metric. This is important to see how an image, word or film emotes the person[1].
You often notice a problem by a negative emotion. So this research already shows that you can first check with yourself why you have that negative emotion. So in your inner world. So then it's a matter of looking at the beliefs you have about what triggers you to have a negative emotion.
Gestalt therapy for problem solving
Not all problems are immediately obvious. Gestalt therapy addresses this. You see, in therapy you have a starting point, the problem your client comes in with. Then it is important to know that the world is the way it is for people because they gave their full attention to an element of reality at certain times.
For example when you discovered a chair it was a chair. However, when you are doing other things, that chair is just what it is. It doesn't change.
So it is with beliefs. There has been an event once that has caused you to interpret reality the way you do. This created a certain belief and then you moved on with your life and that belief remained unchanged because you never gave it your full attention again[2].
In the hypnosis training, we also use gestalt therapy, so we will give full attention to an event that created the belief that is now causing a problem. In fact, this can help you see and determine the belief, the reality, again.
Because you discover the world and reality in your childhood, these are often moments from your childhood, which is why sometimes your problem may not turn out to be as logical as you initially think.
After that, you can just move on, until perhaps it causes another problem or until another belief causes a problem.
Socratic conversation to identify the underlying problem
Sometimes you don't immediately know which belief is causing a problem right now. You just haven't really had a traumatic childhood that clearly pinpoints why you do what you do now or your client doesn't.
In the exploration conversation, you can then have a short socratic conversation. In that conversation, the why question and variations on the why question are repeated to get to the core of your beliefs that are causing you to experience a problem now.
Then other techniques can be used to solve the problem, such as regression therapy or the life-changing therapy taught in the Hypnosis Institute's master's program.
If you have been going through your life with an unwanted pattern for an extended period of time, you can search for where this lies on your own; however, this can become a lengthy search. Instead, you can also seek help, for example from a hypnotherapist.
Who can help you answer the question, "What is the problem?" with the techniques mentioned above - and others besides. In doing so, he/she can help you solve the problem quickly.
Would you rather get started helping yourself or others? Then come to a free online master class on hypnosis where you will learn the basics of hypnosis.
Want to get started with the techniques right away? Then enroll in one of our training courses. The trainings are conducted online from a professional studio and with certified hypnotherapists to assist. There are plenty of these available for one-on-one attention.
Sources:
[1] https://www.karger.com/Article/Abstract/442294
[2] http://ndl.ethernet.edu.et/bitstream/123456789/5583/1/149.pdf
