Loneliness in millennials: what to do

Research shows that millennials, people born after 1980, are lonelier than previous generations. Since we are social creatures after all, this is actually not good news. We need social connections. This helps us with our personal growth and having happy feelings. Of course you have the occasional real loner, but for the most part we need at least a few social contacts to keep us from feeling lonely.

Among millennials, loneliness is a growing problem. That's why in this blog I'll discuss what loneliness is, why millennials suffer more from it and what you can do about it.

Loneliness among young people

Already known in the U.S. since 2009, nearly a quarter of young people report having zero people around them with whom to discuss their deepest feelings and thoughts.

Even among adults, it is so true in the U.S. that most can now only identify 2 people they want to discuss problems with instead of 3. It seems that for some reason our social circle is getting smaller and smaller, and among millennials it is almost nonexistent.

Because the U.S. is a Western society similar to the Dutch, these problems may also arise in our millennials.

So what could be the causes of this increase in loneliness?

The changing society

Society is becoming increasingly individualistic. Where once faith communities still played an important role and ensured that you stayed together as a family, that now plays a much less important role.

The freedom of the individual is paramount.

That’s all well and good, but a side effect can cause people to feel rejected by others at an early stage and, as a result, feel lonely. Furthermore, it turns out that loneliness is contagious.

This is because people who feel lonely are often more likely to withdraw from social contacts, even before there is actual social rejection or acceptance. Small signals that people are actually bonding with them are sometimes not picked up properly, so they withdraw from the social relationship prematurely.

This in turn makes the other person feel rejected. In addition, lonely people often tend not to trust people much which sometimes makes them behave (somewhat) hostile.

This attitude causes you to either break a social connection too quickly yourself first or, on the contrary, causes the person seeing the hostile attitude to break the connection.

This puts you in a kind of vicious cycle of loneliness.

The influence of social media on feelings of loneliness

Social media is great fun, but the advent of the Internet and personal computers (or smartphones, for that matter) means that you actually need fewer "real" social contacts. The online world replaces the offline world.

Research also shows that World of Warcraft players suffer far less from social anxiety in the game than in the "real" world.

If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, all you have to do is log in to shake off that feeling. This may also explain why online games can be so addictive. Plus, you can’t just pause the game for dinner with the family.

So the way the Internet makes us lonely is because we substitute real relationships for online relationships. This also explains why some people are prone to gaming addiction.

But a chat message cannot put a hand on your shoulder. A chat message cannot have a smile at a subtle joke. An online game cannot give you a hug when you are facing a problem.

Ultimately, you also need the minimal physical contact of being near another human being.

In addition, social media sites, such as Facebook, also have a negative impact on loneliness. Seeing others who seem to always be having fun and staying busy can make you feel like there’s something wrong with your social life, even if you actually do have friends.

The smartphone and loneliness

Then, when you do meet with someone in real life, it is important to leave that technology of access to the Internet behind. The mere presence of a smartphone when meeting between 2 strangers causes the conversation to be perceived as less in-depth and the interlocutor is also perceived as less empathetic than when there is no smartphone present.

Etiquette regarding smartphone use in social company is therefore also very important. In order to actually make a connection with each other that reduces feelings of loneliness. You will also be liked more if you do not have a smartphone with you during a conversation.

What to do about millennial loneliness?

So, objectively speaking, we’ve become lonelier, but loneliness is also an emotion and something that depends on your beliefs about how social you should be.

Tip #1: Check what beliefs you have.

Consider whether your beliefs about loneliness make sense with how you feel. Suppose you do manage to meet with friends every day and you still feel lonely then you can see if your beliefs make sense.

Next, a hypnotherapist can help you plant healthy beliefs about the importance of socializing in your subconscious.

Tip 2: Strengthen your self-confidence

Research shows that people who are lonely often experience lower self-confidence as a result of that loneliness. This, in turn, can prevent you from taking steps that would help reduce your loneliness. That’s why it’s important to boost your self-confidence again.

A hypnotherapist can help you improve your self-confidence through hypnotic suggestions or guided visualization.

You can also use these two techniques with self-hypnosis to improve your self-confidence. To begin self-hypnosis, find a nice relaxing place in your home, such as your bed or a nice chair or couch where you can relax. There you sit or lie down and focus on your breathing.

You breathe through your belly. This means that it is moving, so your chest is not doing all the breathing work. When you are relaxed you close your eyes and can repeat hypnotic suggestions from a hypnotherapist, such as:

Kind.

I am an addition to someone's life.

I can offer a listening ear.

Even without the Internet, I can have friends.

These are just examples of hypnotic suggestions. A hypnotherapist can give you personal suggestions that address your feelings of insecurity.

You can also visualize a social situation to boost your confidence that such a situation will go well. Initially, you then repeat the steps to begin self-hypnosis, and then you visualize a social situation that you like. You visualize the environment, the people, the smells, how it feels and how you feel and how people respond to you. All of this in a positive way.

If you find it difficult to perform one, a hypnotherapist can help you with a guided visualization.

Tip 3: Leave your phone at home or turn it off

A phone during a social interaction can cause that conversation to be perceived as less valuable, and your interlocutor may like you less as a result. Therefore, leave your phone at home or turn it off or leave it in your bag.

By keeping your phone out of sight, you make sure the person you’re talking to feels more appreciated. It also makes it easier to resist the temptation to quickly check your social media, which means you’ll come across as much less abrupt. This allows you to send the right social cues to build a friendly relationship with someone and helps you better pick up on these kinds of cues from the other person as well.

On the contrary, does the other person have a phone that is constantly monitored? Then you can make it a competition by turning on your own phone and stipulating that the person who grabs the phone first should pay the bill. Or if it's at someone's house that you then have to do a household chore for the other person, such as cleaning the windows (finally get those done 😉 ).

Tip 4: Take action

That laptop and smartphone are wonderful and incredibly convenient when you have nothing to do for a while, but if you find yourself spending an entire weekend just gaming or Netflixing it's not going to help eliminate lonely feelings.

Instead, see if you can meet up with someone that weekend. For example, you can visit family or instead see if there are events you can attend, such as a walk for people from your neighborhood or village, attend a workshop or help other people.

Tip 5: Determine where your priority lies

Sometimes it is difficult to take steps. So decide for yourself where your priority lies, in your work, in your online experiences or in taking social steps.

Want to learn more about how hypnosis can help you stop loneliness and get more happiness out of your life? Then come to a workshop or seminar and check out the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands' courses.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-gen-y-guide/201702/2-key-reasons-why-were-becoming-lonelier

https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolinebeaton/2017/02/09/why-millennials-are-lonely/#58d86cdd7c35

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-gen-y-guide/201704/the-solution-millennial-loneliness