Living with a drug user
Drugs can be a lot of fun for some people; it can even bring people closer together. Do you have a partner, however, who doesn't know when to stop? Then living with a drug user can be much more difficult. Especially if it is a real addiction after all, or if he/she cannot control himself/herself while using drugs. Want to know how to deal with this? Then be sure to continue reading this blog
When is someone a problematic drug user?
If you feel uncomfortable with your partner’s drug use, you’re dealing with a problematic drug user. This is, of course, quite subjective. However, if you notice that it’s affecting your mood, stress levels, sleep, and financial situation, you can actually conclude that there’s a problem that needs to be resolved.
What if you are a drug user yourself?
If you are a drug user yourself and so is your partner, this can reinforce drug use when you really don't want it at all. In fact, as a drug user, you may suffer from a stigma because after all, it is something that is not socially accepted.
When your partner also uses drugs, you actually protect each other from this stigma, but at the same time, this can also lead to you doing everything together, seeing each other as best friends, and consequently becoming socially isolated ( 1).
At the same time, you depend on each other for care, which can conflict with drug use. Heroin use, for example, is dangerous, but because of the dependency and the protection the relationship offers against the stigma surrounding drug users, you may actually be unable to ensure that this substance is no longer used. In the worst-case scenario, you might even share needles—because that’s what friends do—which can lead to an incurable illness.
It is therefore very important to seek help together to stop using drugs and to put effort into increasing your social circle independently of your partner.
How being a drug user can affect your life
Drug use can affect your life even if it is not even your partner yet, but if it is just a friendship. At first, nothing may seem wrong, especially if you abuse drugs or drink yourself.
However, are you or your friend getting a partner? Then chances are the friendship won't last. This is according to research conducted in 2016 on how new loves can break friendships. This happens especially when drinking is involved ( 2). On the contrary, when you do not have a problematic relationship with an addictive substance, a new love often does not come between an existing friendship either.
Conversely, if your partner uses drugs, this can also cause you to lose valuable friends. You are then seen by your social circle as guilty-by-association, for example. Because you are dating a drug user, you will not be good either. In this way, you will then also suffer from this stigma. This can even go so far as to reduce your chances of employment or promotion.
Besides your social actions, it can also affect your life in other ways. For example, your partner needs a lot of attention and you need to help him/her get the drugs. Lending money is something you may already do on a daily basis and getting the money back may be something that already doesn't happen anymore.
You are often not number one, but the drugs and only then is there time for companionship with you because only then are they relaxed.
How you think about the situation is often also something that drug users ignore.
You also have to deal with the mood swings and stress that living with a drug user can bring up.
How do you deal with a drug user?
It is very important that your partner stop using drugs. If someone turns to drugs because they can no longer obtain prescription medication, this is a warning sign. American research shows that addicts who have suffered a heroin overdose were often “doctor-hopping” beforehand just to get the medication they needed ( 3).
Now in the Netherlands you don't get the same medication quickly as in the U.S., but rapid changes of doctor in succession are a warning sign of an escalating problem from someone who doesn't want to listen to the doctor's advice or yours, but who realizes that help is needed.
Since you want to help your partner stay off drugs, there are a number of things you can do.
No access to household money
Pocket money and nothing else. In fact, chances are your partner will misuse the household money for his/her addiction. A joint account is best cancelled or just make sure you have all the passes and that only you know your bank account password. If someone needs his/her fix and uses the last money you have left to do so, this can be quite annoying. At that moment itself, the addict doesn't even think about it. The hangover comes later shall we say.
Me-time
Time for yourself is very important. You can't always worry about your partner's worries and his/her drug use. Meeting with friends or family can already do a lot to get away from the stimuli of your drug-using partner.
In addition, you can also have total me-time. For example, go to a spa, the gym or beautician to relax by yourself. Going to the movies by yourself is also always a good idea to get out of negative energy for a while.
Stop supporting addiction
If your partner can’t get drugs, you may feel a great deal of sympathy for him or her. He or she clearly isn’t feeling well, may suffer from stress, and might even experience panic attacks. You witness this suffering and want to help him or her. Or you might be worried about what your loved one might do if you don’t help him or her. Perhaps he or she will start talking about “stealing or committing a robbery” to get the money for his or her addiction. You certainly don’t want to put other people through that.
By doing so, however, you maintain the addiction. In fact, by not supporting him/her, your partner will find out that he/she needs help and in the process, this also shows that the world will not perish if he/she misses his/her fix once.
Get yourself out of unsafe situations
Especially when your partner is under the influence of drugs, anything can happen. A heated argument with total abusive behavior can even turn into violence resulting in serious abuse. If your gut tells you it's better to leave for a while, you should leave ( 4).
Is your partner preventing you from being able to walk out the door? If so, you are in effect being held hostage and may call the police because your freedom has been robbed. While this may cause the situation to escalate further, perhaps the arrival of the police will also have a sobering effect on your partner.
Help for yourself
Being in a relationship with a drug user can also cause all kinds of emotional and financial problems for you. As the partner of a drug user, you can therefore seek help for yourself to cope with emotional difficulties.
In the process, you can also learn more during this help about how to better resist your partner's addiction and behavior and then at the same time help them use fewer drugs or stay calmer while using drugs.
For example, a hypnotherapist can help you build self-confidence and learn techniques to stay calm in stressful situations. This can also help you avoid getting drawn into the addiction. Some drug users want you to use drugs with them so that their own drug use seems less serious. This ultimately undermines your integrity, and in doing so, they deny even more strongly that there is a problem.
Help for your partner
Find rehab programs your partner can join to quit drugs. Programs of at least 3 months often have the best chance of success.
To get your partner to participate, it is important to let care and love dominate the conversation to convince him/her. Blaming someone is actually counterproductive.
Talk to peers
In addition, you can also talk with peers who have also been in a relationship (or had one) with someone who used drugs. From them you can get practical tips and insights into how to deal with certain situations and when an alarm bell really rings that things are going in the wrong direction altogether.
Would you like to learn more about mental techniques to better cope with drug use or other emotional issues? Then join a free online masterclass.
Check out the courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute of the Netherlands or read the book “Break Free.”
Also pin this handy infographic:
Sources:
1. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953617301582
2. http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-53035-001
4. https://www.narconon.org/blog/drug-addiction/dos-donts-dealing-addict-life/