Listening. Most of the people you see walking around you are not free people. They are biological robots. They respond to stimuli, they follow the herd, and they obediently wait for permission from their partner, their boss or the government before they dare to fart. They call themselves "independent" because they have their own bank account, but mentally they are on a chain shorter than that of an average poodle.
If you're reading this, you probably want more. More control, more peace, more power. But independence is not something you "are" simply by living alone. It is a neurological state of being. It is the refusal to let your happiness depend on factors outside yourself.
Let's dive deep down the rabbit hole and see why that independence is the only path to a life that is actually worth living.
1. The psychology of autonomy
Many people think that being independent means you don't need anyone. That's nonsense. We are social animals. But there is a crucial difference between connection and dependence.
Research shows that autonomy, the feeling of being in control of your actions, is a universal human need. It doesn't matter if you live in Amsterdam or in a village in Asia. If you feel like you are being lived with, you will mentally break down. Experiencing autonomy is directly linked to your psychological health, no matter what culture you live in[1].
When you are independent, you are the director of your own movie. However, most people are only an extra in someone else's movie, and they also complain about the script that they themselves dare not rewrite.
2. Independence in your personal life
In your personal life, dependency is the biggest killer of happiness and passion. I see it all the time: people who let their emotional state be determined by their partner's mood. If the other person is cranky, so are they. If the other does not give affirmation, they feel worthless.
That's not love. That's hostage-taking.
True independence in relationships means that you are happy with yourself, and that the other person is a complement, not an infill. Once you stop begging for attention and approval, you paradoxically become much more attractive. Why? Because independent people have their own center. They stand firm.
According to self-determination theory, this form of psychological independence is essential for your well-being. You must act from your own values, not from the fear of being abandoned. When you are independent, you choose your relationship every day, instead of staying in it because you think you are nothing without the other person.
3. Independent at work
Let's face it: most jobs are designed to keep you dependent. You get a salary, instructions and an annual performance review where someone else tells you how you're doing. Many people lose their "drive" as a result.
But the top performers, the people who really make an impact, are those who operate independently within a company. They don't wait for orders. They see what needs to be done and they do it. This is what we call psychological ownership.
People who experience autonomy are more motivated, set goals for themselves faster, which in turn is good for outcomes[2]. Autonomy is the fuel for innovation. If you constantly have to account for every minute you spend in your job, your creativity is simply killed. Independence at work means having the freedom to use your own expertise. That provides satisfaction that no paycheck can compensate for.
4. Being independent and your health
Now it gets interesting for the nerds among us (and I say that with love). What happens in your brain when you make independent choices?
When you feel in control, your brain fires in a very different way than when you do something "because you have to. Neural mechanisms involved in decision-making and autonomy directly affect how we process rewards and how motivated we stay.
Simply put: when you do something from your own will (independence), your brain produces more dopamine. You have more energy. You're healthier. People who feel powerless, the opposite of independent, have higher cortisol levels (stress hormone), which wrecks their immune system. So independence is literally a cure for disease.
5. Hypnosis and being independent
"But Edwin," I hear you thinking, "I want to be independent, but I often still feel blocked by what others think."
And that's where the magic (or rather, the biology) of hypnosis comes in. You see, those blockages are not in your conscious thinking. If you think rationally, you know perfectly well that you don't need that approval from your mother-in-law. But your feelings say otherwise. That feeling is driven by your subconscious, your internal "operating system.
Hypnosis is the fastest way to reprogram that system. In science, we then often talk about the "Sense of Agency," the fundamental feeling that you are the enabler of your own actions and thoughts.
How hypnosis works for independence
Many people think of hypnosis as losing control. The opposite is true. In a therapeutic setting, hypnosis actually helps you take back control from old, automatic patterns. It restores your sense of direction.
Research on the "Sense of Agency" within hypnosis shows how our brain distinguishes between actions that "happen to us" and those that we "self-generate."[3]
By using hypnosis, we can break deeply ingrained patterns of dependency and passivity. We install a new software update, so to speak, where "Self Confidence" and "Self Direction" become the default settings.
It's about replacing the suggestions you've accepted from others all your life ("You're not good enough," "Adjust," "Just act normal") with your own truth. Hypnosis gives you the key to the control room of your own mind, allowing you to experience deep inner independence, which in turn is good for your well-being[4].
6. Independence is worth the price
Let's not pretend it's all roses. Independence comes at a price. When you stop following the herd, the sheep start bleating. People around you may find it irritating that they can no longer control you with a little guilt or manipulation.
You will receive criticism. You will sometimes stand alone.
But the rewards? That one is priceless. It is the peace of mind when you lie in bed at night. It's the knowing that your success (and your failures!) are yours, and no one else's. It is the huge boost in your motivation because you are working on your dream, not your boss's.
Become the captain of your own ship
Independence is not a destination; it is a daily practice. It starts with the decision that you stop seeking external validation. You don't need permission to live your own life.
- Private: Draw your own plan and don't let your happiness be held hostage to someone else's emotions.
- Work: Take charge, be the expert and claim the autonomy you need to flame.
- Health: Realize that self-determination literally makes you healthier and more energetic.
- Mind: Use tools like hypnosis to eradicate the deep roots of dependency in your subconscious.
Stop waiting for the right time or for the world's approval. The world is never going to give that approval if you don't first give yourself the approval to be free.
So, what are you going to do today that you were actually waiting for permission to do? Just do it. Be that independent asshole or stubborn woman. The world needs more people who are awake and at the wheel themselves.
Are you still stuck in your old patterns and really want to activate that Sense of Agency?
Join our free master class on hypnosis for an introduction.
Or register directly for one of our events and trainings.
You can take the training live in Assendelft, or live online. You then join the classes live in Assendelft via your laptop via a nice video link.
If people in Assendelft are going to practice with each other, you are going to practice right with the other people who are also taking the training online.
Great right?
Still have questions about the training? Schedule a 1-on-1 consultation here.
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