Improving your performance in any area of your life is often something you are open to. Getting better at your studies, getting better at your job, getting better at your relationships, finding the right partner and finding a sport that suits you. All areas in which you can receive feedback, but when is it helpful to take that feedback?
What is feedback?
Feedback is a form of advice where people comment on what you can do better. This often implies that you did something wrong, which you can therefore do differently.
For example, after giving presentations, I often get feedback on how I gave the presentation and what I could do "better."
I find that sometimes very nice and sometimes very difficult. Because I give a lot of presentations, so I'm not inexperienced in this. I am a pretty sensitive person, my ego can only handle "criticism" with difficulty.
That's why I first find out if the critique is valuable. I then ask how often they give presentations themselves. If the answer is 10, I usually indicate that they can keep the feedback to themselves. But if the answer is that they have been giving presentations to large groups of people every week for years, then of course I like to hear it.
Check out the experience people have
What I then do is double-check how much experience people have. This is because many people with little experience base their advice on intuition, which I personally find unhelpful. Because the feelings triggered by intuition are triggered by the beliefs people have about how the world works. Only those beliefs don't have to be true at all.
This is not something everyone is aware of.
For example, research shows that teachers often think their feedback is incredibly helpful, while students do not perceive it that way at all. Perhaps this is also due to the idea (that some people have) that people often become teachers because they can't make it in "real life" or commercial society. So who would you rather take something from, a lecturer or a top entrepreneur (if your goal is entrepreneurship)[1].
By looking precisely at the experience people have, you know that they built their beliefs over time because they were working on something you want to become good at too. With their experience, if all goes well, they are already better than you, or at least on the same level.
In that case, you may care about the feedback.
But if such an experienced presenter then suddenly wants to give me feedback on relationships, it's another story entirely. In that context, he may actually be inexperienced. I myself have been with the same woman for decades and have a fine relationship, but if he always has blinkered relationships and all kinds of different girlfriends, then I don't think the feedback from that presenter is appropriate.
Protecting yourself if you are sensitive
Watching the person's experience in the area they are giving you feedback is very important to protect yourself if you are a sensitive person.
Many people suffer from this. For example, if certain information is a danger to your ego, to your self-image, you can start to shut down from this. Now comes something really nice. If you have had this kind of dangerous feedback and you go do something fun, like play some games and shoot all kinds of aliens (Halo ?), this reduces the effects of negative feedback[2].
Still, you shouldn't completely shut yourself off from feedback either; as mentioned, some people can really help you.
For example, research shows that medical students benefit from feedback from classmates when they need to do something. It is important then that the feedback be positive. So not "you're doing it wrong," but "you can try that too."
This also opens up a conversation, after which you can discuss together. This in turn can give you new ideas for even more improvement[3].
Processing feedback
If you receive feedback from someone with experience and it is a threat to your ego, it may be helpful to take some time to process it. For example, go do something else for a while before dealing with the feedback[4].
To make it easier to process feedback and be open to it, it is important that you have set yourself a specific goal.
For example: if I didn't want to be a very good presenter, I wouldn't care about that feedback. But since this is precisely my goal, it does interest me.
So by having a goal you are more aware of the benefit of feedback from an experienced person.
Another way to better process feedback is to ask questions about it. What exactly does someone mean by what they say? For example, what makes my presentation more enjoyable? How do I need to cut my hair? By engaging in the conversation, you can find out even more about how valuable the feedback really is.
Have you received valuable feedback and is it something you actually want to try? Then ask that person to talk to you again after you have done so. By doing so, you make a kind of promise to yourself that you will do it and the person can provide you with good advice again afterwards[5].
Give feedback
If you want to give feedback and you want someone to do something with it, do it in a way that creates a dialogue. By just giving some sort of order of what someone can do better, you are totally missing the point. Explain why something could be done better and how you got there. Show your experience, show that your feedback is based on more than just "how it feels".
It's more than just conveying information.
Make sure the feedback has impact beyond the area you are giving feedback on. A good presentation is nice, but if a better presentation makes people want to see another presentation from me, for example, then of course I am much more open to the feedback[6].
Feedback and hypnosis
Do you get defensive right away when even the greatest expert wants to give you feedback to help you? Do you find it difficult to stay calm, listen and ask through?
If so, you may suffer from low self-esteem and perhaps a small ego. Hypnosis can cause you to build your self-esteem, self-confidence and ego so that you can really do something with the feedback and then really improve your life.
There are multiple ways hypnosis can help you with this. With regression, for example, you can go back to the moment when the belief was created that causes you to become defensive when someone wants to give you good feedback. Then - while in hypnosis - you can do something with that moment to change that belief, which does make it easier to deal with feedback after hypnosis.
In addition, self-hypnosis can also be helpful. A hypnotherapist will teach you to hypnotize yourself and will give you an mp3 with visualizations that will help you or affirmations that you can repeat out loud.
These depend on your beliefs about feedback and differ for everyone. These can be affirmations such as:
"Taking help is powerful."
"I get to work with others to achieve my goals."
"The wheel has already been invented and I get to use it."
"I am strong."
"I can do anything."
These are just examples. Depending on your beliefs, you may be given other suggestions to take away useful feedback.
As a hypnotist, you also often give feedback to your client, but more feedback on issues that your client may have second thoughts about. As a hypnotist, it is important to indeed engage in the conversation with your client and avoid using "what you feel." Always address what you see and what your client says to you before giving feedback.
Want to learn more about hypnosis and whether you can hypnotize people? Then come to a hypnosis playshop. The playshops are held in Wormerveer and Zwolle.
Want to see hypnotherapy in action and learn how to use hypnosis to make people feel good? Then come to a seminar.
Specifically, as a coach, psychologist or therapist, do you want to help people with hypnosis? Then enroll in one of the training courses of the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands. The trainings are given in Zwolle, Wormerveer and online.
[1] https://srhe.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03075071003642449#.Xqqq82gzaUk
[2] https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/cyber.2016.0144
[3] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3109/0142159X.2011.542522
[4] https://srhe.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03075071003642449#.Xqqq82gzaUk
[5] https://www.themuse.com/advice/taking-constructive-criticism-like-a-champ
[6] https://s3.amazonaws.com/academia.edu.documents/54405277/Developing-sustainable-feedback-practices.pdf?response-content-disposition=inline%3B%20filename%3DDeveloping_sustainable_feedback_practice.pdf&X-Amz-Algorithm=AWS4-HMAC-SHA256&X-Amz-Credential=ASIATUSBJ6BAKWXD6DP6%2F20200430%2Fus-east-1%2Fs3%2Faws4_request&X-Amz-Date=20200430T105642Z&X-Amz-Expires=3600&X-Amz-SignedHeaders=host&X-Amz-Security-Token=IQoJb3JpZ2luX2VjENr%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2F%2FwEaCXVzLWVhc3QtMSJHMEUCIAN3xk4%2Ba1GHZP4cq0VbQlMnfsko1ZBv5exGl7oXcN3IAiEA5D6kjWugVsKde5x6bpqWkSFV6jK69uqNwFzT6hWtGbkqtAMIExAAGgwyNTAzMTg4MTEyMDAiDGvC0N%2FU8OIOlLS2HiqRAz68lWARE45R2cj1UamqlCHlSlLJz5nxD5zhzWcvlL5FBiwxrw4LANdmd2sETXykeMrSyRxu0Uwhw0qM5c4byxNAPdGx88gbhaEeTezNbWasUFQ44I5YtRsATMFwlMmDQvFb0pdjGGIpvRTwN9cef4TK0xpzcmi%2FveqbAK1qW17SOizVbM3UTCRVO5uCxQ8t1fNYCxzGOG00EVSwCq9PAouaIU7DFLEDEgOinIrEncNr0q3nCBvr%2Bzzz9GLP9CoKknRQeAMa7MxexIiD5O4iwI6iK6NSUvYV5YfHBJ%2BEZF0LwD1EUyI7P236zsuOWkOjqg%2F4kBf5UePF061syKIjaG1pegxSdkYHSAaq8%2FrCTNH9mxK1MZItwDwjVA8Tkvn00zy6H5YGY3kZux3K3pnrxchc8DW0dcNJ13gV8ILKz6j%2BcaPzqbUDOE460Mfxl1gWXTs9F%2FI462edzIlSPt68lHMOA4BH0Ze5jLTkFzxoVMIc1XAN4mhcjegikvwPIk9Mz5JeexMsCM%2BA0TKhmuFbtoCbMJe1qvUFOusB15ZuBOJxB0BDIWNNs%2BlCwWtr1cdbSQEE6Wgl7XsiSf%2BDjdMGTUSmcSvEo57wsw2Y04zvJZ8pyQcSmyYgFHpKQjoqHkhL0%2BNgeuLpldbiod%2FItlkl1y2BMH%2BR40L9LqydvdKtjhoXHfmzfzTJw1xVKwFIr%2BExJ%2FRrtiYfuKeApzdOJ1Uje0tG%2FCyl1KakqrScyBkuMoyaPffyuICiu9%2BVfoPYMCPGuUdQvyiwYCExMlXTMtN5gXgDNHnWOk1JLgFPO5Nerg5WoFRwS%2FMn5y4kg06j0qC%2Fw84DvbhymnB6muXyXhaH0ehlc4XTpg%3D%3D&X-Amz-Signature=2d01dc133355951c51df302aa52c014d1e46d04d2520819f71f5788426005e6e
