Envy: What to do if you are envious or if others are
Envy is a very human emotion. Almost everyone suffers from it to a greater or lesser degree. Envy is actually the opposite of favoritism. You do not grant someone something. This can be about anything, a certain position in your company or just those nice shoes from the store. Envy is a very negative emotion and it can affect you in many ways and even your self-confidence.
To see how you can deal with envy, in this blog I will go into more detail about what it is, what effects it has and how you can resist it.
Envy Have
Being envious is incredibly annoying, envy actually consists of several parts and then there are different types of envy.
An important aspect of envy is that it causes mental pain. It bothers you that someone has something you don’t have. You’re preoccupied with the situation you’re envious of. For example, you can’t stop thinking about that person who has what you don’t want them to have. The pain can also stem from feelings of being inferior or inadequate. ( 1)
That pain is something you want to eliminate. This can go in a positive way and, unfortunately, it can also go in a negative way.
Positive effects of envy
Envy is an unpleasant emotion, but it can certainly have positive consequences. For example, if your neighbor has bought a great car, this can motivate you to save more so you can buy a great car too.
Did a colleague outsmart you in getting a promotion you were also angling for? If so, the envy will actually make you develop yourself more, so you'll be a better fit for the job you want. Or you might find a job that does make you happy.
The positive outcome of envy can therefore be that it motivates you to achieve something yourself. Some people simply need to fall “behind” at first in order to take the steps necessary to reach certain goals. ( 2)
Negative effects of envy
Envy can also demotivate you and make you feel insecure. You might start thinking that what the other person has achieved is something you’ll never achieve. You may experience mood swings accompanied by aggression. That aggression may then be directed at the person you envy.
Envy at work
Do you hold a managerial position and feel envious of someone “below” you? Even in that case, there can be both positive and negative consequences. This is because when someone who is actually “below” you on the social ladder has something you don’t want them to have or that you’re jealous of, it can undermine your self-confidence.
How you then deal with this next depends on the relationship you have with the person you are envious of.
Do you see the person as warm and kind? Then you start applying strategies to improve your own self-confidence. For example, by adjusting your clothes or by taking additional courses to bring your level back clearly "higher."
On the contrary, do you see the person as cold and unkind? Then you may actually start being unkind and abusing your power (that person may only make coffee).
Envy between colleagues
Not only executives can suffer from envy. It can also affect colleagues among themselves. Again, there are 2 sides to envy. The motivational side of envy provides hope for success. A colleague got promoted, that means you can get a promotion in the future too. Marathon runners even set higher goals with this form of envy or jealousy.
On the other hand, it can actually trigger a fear of failure. You didn’t manage to get a promotion this time, so you’ll never get one. A study of marathon runners revealed that, due to this form of envy, the runners stopped participating in the competitive aspect of the race altogether.
If you view that other colleague as a threat to your own position, this can even lead you to sabotage his or her work. This kind of bullying behavior is actually very unfortunate, because it doesn’t help you, and it also prevents the company from achieving the best results. In fact, refusing to collaborate with the person you envy can cause a1/6 reduction in prosperity ( 3). That other colleague doesn’t even have to be a direct threat to your position.
Research shows that this kind of thing can happen to employees who get results quickly, but are nowhere near the level of the person who becomes envious ( 4).
Letting go of goals is also something that can happen because of envy or jealousy, which is actually incredibly unfortunate.
One positive aspect of envy at work is that it can reduce lying at work ( 5).
Turning envy into something positive
So do you suffer from envy? Then keep an eye on yourself to see how you react to it. Is this a trigger for you to work on yourself or do you actually become mean and a bit of a bully?
Self-confidence through hypnosis
In the latter case, it’s important to take a close look at yourself and build more self-confidence. A hypnotherapist can help you with this by identifying the root cause of your reaction and then using hypnosis techniques to address it.
This can be done, for example, with hypnotic suggestions that improve your self-confidence. You can repeat these during self-hypnosis. Here are some examples of these types of suggestions:
"I follow my own path."
"I get to have others as role models."
"I can develop myself to great heights."
"Everything comes in its own time."
These are just examples of hypnotic suggestions that can be used for increased self-confidence when envy has brought it down. Depending on your beliefs and the cause of your envy, your hypnotherapist may give you other suggestions to take home to practice with.
Goal setting
Envy because someone has achieved something you secretly wanted to achieve may also be a wake-up call. To what extent do you challenge yourself to achieve goals? Maybe that envy came out of nowhere for you, but apparently your subconscious knew you wanted something.
Envy can be a trigger for you to set clear goals. Then all you have to do is figure out the steps to reach that goal and you can reward yourself at each step.
Show appreciation
As mentioned, having warm feelings for the person you are secretly envious of motivates you. The moment you notice you are envious is a good time to appreciate what you have already accomplished.
You have things to be proud of yourself. Make a list of these.
Then it becomes a lot easier to celebrate along with someone else's success. You'll find that this is contagious because the bond you build when you also appreciate the success of others can cause you to get helpful tips for achieving your goals yourself.
Self-Compassion
Don’t be too hard on yourself if someone else achieves something you haven’t yet. If a friend came to you to talk about those feelings, how would you respond? Respond to yourself in the same way.
Also realize that you never know the whole story of the people who have achieved something. Yes person X now has a promotion, but the marriage could just be in ruins because of all the overtime person X has worked.
Yes, person Z has lost 20 pounds, but does that really make them happier?
Receiving Envy
You can also fall victim to envy. Especially at work and if a supervisor is envious of you, this can be very annoying. At least now that you have read this, you know that this says more about him/her than about you.
So how can you deal with envy when you receive it? Ultimately, you have no control over what that other person does.
What you do see now is that executives who actually like and warm the person they are envious of are taking the envy more out on themselves and actually starting to work on themselves. Getting a good relationship with the person who is envious can change this, but by then it may be too late. Above all, the person who is envious must take steps on their own to get the positive consequences of this emotion rather than the negative consequences.
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Sources:
1. http://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fpspi0000118
2. http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167214564959
3. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/mde.2672
4. https://europepmc.org/article/med/29239645
5. https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/JSMA-02-2015-0015/full/html