Why this one thought pattern is completely ruining your whole life

Today we’re going to talk about a topic that’s going to hurt, but that’s also the key to your personal freedom. We’re going to look at one specific thought pattern—one insidious flaw in your brain that, all on its own, causes your life to slowly but surely turn into a suffocating, gray prison.

You know those days. You wake up, the sun is shining through the curtains and you think, "Yes! Today is going to be my day. I'm looking forward to it." You feel that energy in your body, you're ready to go.

And before you know it, the good feeling sinks in. Why? Because your brain decides to make a very crazy leap. A jump that has to do with how you view the world.

Listen carefully. The biggest mistake people make (and believe me, I see this daily in my practice and at the Hypnosis Institute) is that they stop thinking in destinations.

What are you saying? Yes, you heard correctly. If you're not thinking in destinations, it's guaranteed to ruin your life. Let's dive really deep into this.

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Why 'enjoying the road' is pure nonsense

We are bombarded to death with spiritual tile wisdom. You know them, those pastel-colored pictures on social media with lyrics like, "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey there." Well, let me help you out of that dream: that's the biggest nonsense there is.

Let’s be honest. Imagine you’re going on vacation. You’ve booked three weeks in Spain. Great food, sun, beach, relaxation. What’s more fun: the destination, or the journey there?

So, if you think the journey is the most important thing, then you love sitting sweaty for 24 hours on a bus that's way too hot, crammed together, with the air conditioning not working.

If the trip was really the goal, then when you arrived in Spain, you would immediately turn around, get on that bus and sweat for another 24 hours.

No, of course you don't. You take that trip at face value óbecause the destination is so fantastic. The destination is where the fun is.

When things are going well in your mind, your brain is programmed for that destination. You think about what you're going to do once you get there. You already see yourself sitting on that terrace with a cold sangria. You see the waves in the sea. You think about what you are going to see and experience. That's the biggest chunk of your thinking. At least, if your brain is functioning healthily.

But what happens when you let go? What happens when you stop focusing on the destination and start focusing only on the journey itself? That's when things go wrong.

Then things collapse. Because anything can happen on that journey. And once your brain is focused on that, it's off the hook.

The unintentional Buddhists of fear

People who suffer from fears (whether it’s claustrophobia, fear of heights, fear of highways, fear of tunnels, elevators, escalators, or fear of flying) are, in fact, the greatest Buddhists there are. And I don’t mean that as a compliment.

Buddhists constantly try to be in the "here and now," purely engaged in the process in the present moment. People with anxiety do the exact same thing, but in a destructive way. They don't think about the destination at all. They are solely concerned with the journey and everything that can go wrong during that journey.

Other people call them scaredy-cats, but psychologically speaking, they’re simply obsessed with the transition phase. And the result? They stop doing anything. They stay indoors, keep the doors tightly shut, and don’t dare go anywhere. “Oh no, I’m not going out the door, because anything could happen on the way!”

Yes, congratulations, that's right. Anything can indeed happen. That's life. But if you sit there with your attention all the time, you activate your brain's survival mode.

Let's take the example of that car trip to Spain again. If you have to sit in the car for 24 hours and focus solely on the journey, what disaster scenarios can your brain come up with?

• "What if we get a flat tire on the Route du Soleil?"
• "What if you run out of gas in the pitch black?"
• "What if the engine boils over and we're standing there with a breakdown on the side of the road?"
• "What if I drive into the guardrail?"

When you get caught up with those thoughts, when you make those pictures big and wild in your head, what do you do? Then you don't even get into that car. Then you quit. You stay home on the couch, feeling frustrated[1]. Bye vacation, bye Spain, bye fun. Your life immediately gets a little smaller.

How fears are pieced together

This exact mechanism is how people create fear of flying or claustrophobia. They board a plane and instead of thinking about the tropical destination, the business deal they are going to close or the family they are going to visit, they focus entirely on the journey.

"If only that coffin doesn't crash.... If only the pilot doesn't have a stroke.... What if turbulence comes? I can't get out, I'm stuck, I can't go anywhere!"

They sit in their chairs for hours with their buttocks squeezed together and sweat in their hands. Why? Because the destination is completely out of their sight. The journey has become a survival trip.

The same goes for someone with claustrophobia standing in front of an elevator. Someone who thinks "normally" (and by normal I simply mean: people who are not experiencing fear at that moment) thinks, "I'm getting into this elevator, I'm going to the fourth floor and that's where I have my appointment." The elevator is just a boring, irrelevant way station. A necessary evil to get from A to B.

But what does the person with anxiety think? Who looks at that elevator and thinks, "Oh my god, if only that elevator doesn't get stuck between the third and fourth floors in a moment. What if the lights go out? What if the oxygen runs out?"

Do you see what’s happening? The destination (that appointment on the fourth floor) no longer exists in their minds. The only thing that exists is the doomsday scenario of the journey[2]. And so they take the stairs, or worse yet: they turn around and head back home. They refuse to make the journey because they’ve forgotten where they were going.

The drama of everyday things: The supermarket

Now you might be thinking, “Yeah, but Edwin, I don’t really need to go to Spain, and I never take the elevator, so this doesn’t apply to me.” Wrong. This thought pattern actually creeps into even the most mundane, small aspects of your life. It doesn’t just limit you in your big dreams—it sabotages your daily routine.

Take something as simple as going to the grocery store. What does a healthy brain do? It thinks about the destination and what you're going to do there. You think, "I'm going to the supermarket because I'm going to cook a nice steak tonight. I'll walk in, get my stuff, checkout and I'll go back to cooking." In your mind you are already thinking about the result: that delicious food on your plate.

But what does the brain that is stuck in the travel focus do? That starts stressing about bridging at home:

• "Oh no, what if I run into that awful neighbor on the road and she keeps yapping at me for hours?"
• "What if my bike tire goes flat on the road?"
• "What if it's super busy at the checkout and I have to stand in line for a really long time?"
• "What if they run out of the product I need?"

You can really start thinking about anything that might happen between your front door and the shelf with the steaks. You can direct an entire science fiction movie of disasters in those few hundred yards.

And if you do that long enough, you'll stay home. Then you excite yourself so much beforehand that the threshold becomes too high. Then you just sit inside with an empty refrigerator. And that ruins your life.

Flip's Tip: Program your brain like a GPS

So, what's the solution? Time for Flip's well-known Tip: Think about the destination. The destination should always be the most important thing.

Your brain is a cybernetic, goal-seeking mechanism[3]. It works exactly the same as the navigation system in your car. When you enter into your GPS or Google Maps where you want to go, that thing calculates the route. If there is a traffic jam along the way, or a roadblock, then that system says, "Hey, we're going to take a left here, we're recalculating the route." But the end destination remains exactly the same.

Your navigation system doesn't panic. It doesn't start screaming, "Oh no, a roadblock on the highway, we're all going to die, never mind, we'll be stuck here forever!" No, it calmly finds another way to your destination.

That’s how your brain is supposed to work. When you rigorously shift your focus[4] toward your destination, something crucial happens: you minimize your fears. Why? Because the destination is linked to pleasure or utility.

Okay, the supermarket may not be the most spiritual, ecstatic place on earth, but the result is fun: you'll soon have food in your house. You have that delicious meal. Spain is linked to vacation, sun and relaxation. The fourth floor is linked to seeing your friends or closing a sweet deal.

When your brain is focused on the pleasure of the destination, it accepts the journey that comes with it. Then you take that possible traffic jam, those fat Germans on the bus, or that boring elevator ride at face value. You simply don't care so much anymore because you know what you're doing it for. The journey becomes irrelevant.

The neurology behind the focus

Let's look at what happens neurologically. Your brain has a built-in filtering system: the Reticular Activation System (RAS). This system filters all the stimuli that come at you and only lets through what is "important" to you.

When you instruct your brain, "Focus on the journey and all the dangers along the way," your RAS puts the spotlight on every little negative detail. You immediately see those dark clouds, you hear that strange ticking in the engine, you notice that sullen look from a passerby. You attract misery into your perception like a magnet.

If you flip that command to “Focus on the destination, ” your RAS filters the world very differently. It ignores the irrelevant noise of the journey and looks for paths that lead to your goal. Your brain shifts into action mode instead of survival mode. You shift your focus from fear to desire. And desire is a much stronger driving force than fear.

The reverse hypnosis: Visualize the end station

As a hypnotherapist, I know better than anyone how powerful the human imagination is. Your unconscious does not know the difference between what is real and what you intensely fantasize. If, with your eyes closed, you vividly envision that car crashing, that elevator crashing down or you going off at the cash register, your body immediately produces adrenaline and cortisol.

You are producing a panic attack on your own couch. You're hypnotizing yourself, but in the wrong direction.

You need to reverse that hypnotic loop. Use your imagination to visualize your destination. Before you walk out the door, before you get into that car, you can already see yourself standing at your final destination.

• Exactly what messages are you going to grab off the shelf?
• What people will you meet once you get there?
• What will you drink while sitting on that patio in the sun?
• How relieved and proud do you feel when you reach that destination?

Once you do, you change the chemistry in your body. Dopamine is released[5]. You feel like getting moving. The journey toward it fades into the background. It becomes again what it should be: a logistical intermediate step. Nothing more and nothing less.

Choose your endpoint

Life is lived at destinations. It is lived in the experiences you have ánd when you arrive somewhere. The journey is simply the work you do; the destination is the reward. And if you lose sight of the reward, why on earth would you even go to work?

The choice is yours. Do you stick to that old, destructive pattern of thinking where you make the journey bigger than the goal? Do you keep building scenarios about flat tires, faltering elevators and disaster along the way? You may. But then be honest and accept that your world is becoming microscopic.

Or will you choose the new pattern starting today? Point your navigation system at the dot on the horizon. See right through the journey, straight to the end station. See the joy, feel the results, taste the victory. You will find that the steps you have to take to get there suddenly become a lot lighter. Your brain starts working for you instead of against you. Flip that switch in your head, focus on your destination and claim your life back.

Helping people refocus on their end point

Do you want to help people refocus on their goals? Then knowledge of hypnosis is incredibly useful. Come join a free masterclass on hypnosis.

Or register directly for one of our events and trainings.

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