Tips against loneliness during the holidays
Sinterklaas, Christmas and New Year's Eve are the Dutch holidays for coziness and to reconnect with family and friends. The advertisements on television and on the Internet give clear instructions on how you should celebrate the holidays. Namely in a cozy house with a fireplace while it snows outside (hahaha, yes in the Netherlands). Sinterklaas should ring the bell with just 1 swig too much and at Christmas we should have gourmet food. Don't forget to stock up on oliebollen and appelflappen for New Year's Eve.
These expectations make some people feel lonely. This is very unfortunate because it is not necessary at all.
Lonely during the holidays
If you experience loneliness during the holidays, it doesn't mean you are always lonely. It's just a time of year when you face more than usual societal expectations about how you celebrate your holidays.
People who may especially suffer from loneliness during the holidays are:
- Widow/widower.
- Divorced people.
- Parents whose children have just all left home.
- Adult children whose parents have died, while not having children of their own.
- Teens and young adults can also experience loneliness during the holidays.
Loneliness is a problem that is growing. More and more people report that they have fewer and fewer social contacts with whom they can have an in-depth conversation.
Expectations and reality
Then again, when you look at the expectations created about how you should celebrate the holidays, this difference between expectation and reality becomes even greater.
A good example of created expectations not matching reality is the story of Thomas. Thomas went to the U.S. for a year after high school to experience a high school year with a real American family. One of those families that still really hunts in the woods around their home and then actually eats the deer themselves and hangs the head on the wall. (Yes, they really do exist in the U.S.)
Throughout the year, he looked forward to important American holiday moments he knew from movies and television series. Prom and Thanksgiving.
Prom was just like a school party as in Holland. The only difference was that you had to have a date and pick her up to go to the party together. Since he didn't have a driver's license, this was still quite difficult there, because all the other guys did have a driver's license and car or truck.
Thanksgiving was the biggest disappointment of all. He had great expectations about the stuffed turkey and how on earth to eat it neatly when, just like that, pieces of turkey breast were served on the table. Totally not what he had expected!
Even in the Netherlands, you can get certain expectations from how commercials, television series and movies portray the holidays. Your children have just left home and you expect them all with any entourage to join you on Christmas Day for a nice gourmet dinner.
Then suddenly you get the news that they are going to the other family. Or that one child does attend 1 e Christmas Day comes, but your other child can only attend on 2 e Christmas Day. Away coziness with the whole family complete!
And then you do have the whole family at the table and then everyone is just taking pictures on the smartphone to share the "fun" and meanwhile it's only fun in the pictures. The frustration!
What to do about loneliness during the holidays
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to cope with loneliness during the holidays. If the holidays aren’t coming to you, go to the holidays instead.
Tips on family with unsociable children
Do you have a family, but is everyone glued to their smartphones, or do they not all come together at the same time? If so, there are a few things you can do.
Tip 1: Put all smartphones in a bin
Then you can throw all the smartphones into a bin. The person who takes out the smartphone first then has to host the next holiday, such as New Year's Eve, or he/she has to clean everything up after the dinner party.
Tip 2: Get the board games out of the closet
Are conversations falling silent without a smartphone? Then board games can bring life back to the conversation. Triviant, Cluedo, Monopoly, Stratego and other games can be purchased in advance at a toy store or online store. You can look for adult board games when your children have really passed elementary school anyway.
Tip 3: Plan your holiday outside the holidays
You could also consider celebrating Christmas on a different date than the usual one, or perhaps celebrate Sinterklaas instead. Then you can also take advantage of the post-holiday sales. With the date picker, you can make sure everyone is there—even if it’s on the 3rd. e or 4 e Christmas Day. Or 2 weeks after St. Nicholas.
Tip 4: Remind yourself that you are not otherwise lonely
Do you suffer from loneliness alone during the holidays? Then remind yourself that this is because of expectations that marketers and television shows put in your head. By using self-hypnosis, you can change your expectations adjust again.
You can use self-hypnosis to do this. Before you do this, however, you can take an initial visit to a hypnotherapist who will then give you suggestions that apply to your beliefs about the holidays, such as:
"Only during Christmas do I feel lonely, so actually I'm not lonely."
"Christmas doesn't necessarily have to be celebrated during Christmas."
Also pin this handy infographic as a reminder (text continues below image)
Tips for when you don't have a partner
Did you have a partner over Christmas last year and not this year? Does that leave you with a day to spare during the holidays? Or even 2?
Then there are other ways to celebrate Christmas and other holidays.
Tip 5: Look in your area where you can help other people with the Christmas spirit
In nursing homes, homeless shelters, and other places, you can volunteer to help keep the Christmas spirit alive. Not only will you be helping these people, but they will also understand you. This allows you to create a sense of connection you never thought possible.
Tip 6: Invite friends and family
You can also invite friends and family over. Your partner may no longer be with you, but there are still other people in your life. This might be a bit difficult because those friends and family members may still have their partners, but it’s better than being alone.
Tip 7: Hint to your friends and family that you are alone
Express your concerns about the holidays with your friends and family. Before you know it, you'll get an invitation to have a nice gourmet dinner with them.
Tip for when you're under 25
Some people say that your adolescent and college days are the best time of your life, but that doesn't have to be true at all. So console yourself with the thought that the best is yet to come. Perhaps now you don't have a partner, you don't have a good relationship with your parents and all your college friends suddenly seem to have gone up in smoke. It won't stay that way.
You can also try the previous tips if you are still a young adult in addition to these tips.
Tip 8: Get in touch with people you want to spend Christmas with
Why wait quietly for someone to invite you? To keep friendships strong, it is important to show that you appreciate the other person. Therefore, invite that school friend you haven't seen in a while to meet up around Christmas (since he/she will probably have obligations to his/her parents as well).
Are you afraid that everyone will reject you and that this will be terrible? If so, a hypnotherapist can help you overcome this social anxiety. The hypnotherapist can help you with suggestions to boost your self-confidence.
True friends will find a way to still meet up with you, even if it's not until January. So this is a good check to find out who are and are not your real friends.
Tip 9: Plan your Christmas
In addition to contacting people you want to celebrate Christmas with, you can also make Christmas cozy by decorating the Christmas tree, picking out a nice outfit and the like with someone else. In addition, sending Christmas cards can also make you feel connected.
These tips in this article may be divided into categories, but basically all of them can be used by anyone. Hypnosis can help you dispel lonely feelings by checking what thoughts those feelings are based on and whether it is realistic.
In the process, hypnosis can help you feel confident that you are worth celebrating Christmas with. Whether this is with friends and family or because you are helping other people have a warm time during Christmas.
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