Stop bullying: at school, work and online
You are worthless, you are someone who may just be attacked, and you are someone who apparently does not deserve respect. Bullying is a major social problem that occurs at all levels of society. Bullying happens at school at work and also online. Bullying has far-reaching consequences, which is why it is important to stop it and make yourself resilient against bullying.
Therefore, in this blog, I discuss what bullying is, what you can do about it at school, at work and online.
Definition of bullying
According to the Netherlands Youth Institute, bullying is a "systematic form of aggression in which one or more persons attempt to harm another person physically, verbally or psychologically. In bullying, power is unequally distributed."
This definition offers equal perspective to stop bullying. Indeed, power is a subjective perception in many bullying cases.
Of course, this is different if you are being bullied by a teacher or supervisor at work. Because power is then socially fixed.
Bullying at school
Bullying at school can be caused by many things. One well-known cause of bullying at school is bullying someone who is too fat or just too thin. Other reasons why bullies think it is okay to bully is someone's sexual preference or ethnic background. Minorities in the school, not in society, can be bullied because of this.
In addition, children who have disabilities, physical and mental, are more likely to be victims of bullying than healthy children.
Bullying at school affects the person being bullied, the bullying person and also bystanders. It can compromise the social development of all individuals.
Bullies get an inflated self-image through bullying, for example, which is incorrect. This distorted self-image is unhealthy for the rest of their lives. In addition, bullies often have a low interest in school and their grades are often lower, preventing them from getting the most out of their school career.
Victims can become highly stressed by bullying, which in turn can cause other health problems, such as high blood pressure or obesity. In addition, victims may suffer with their social adaptability.
Then you have students who bully and are bullied. They end up experiencing the biggest problems because the issues from both sides add up.
Schools in which bullying is a major problem often also score lower on average on standardized tests and have lower success rates. This effect is as great as students or schoolchildren living in poverty.
Tips against bullying in school
There are a number of practical tips and mental tips you can apply if you are bullied at school.
Tip #1: Forget the social ladder
If you are impressed by someone because his/her parents have a good job and therefore you find it difficult to do something against bullying you are giving that person power over you. In high school and also in vocational school, everyone is actually still in the same place. No one has anything to say about another person because his/her parents have done so well (financially).
Tip #2: Don't give the bully power over you
A bully likes it when you respond, whatever the response. Saying something back in a snippy tone. Hitting back, which is sometimes effective but can often lead to escalation, is something you shouldn't do either.
By not reacting, or saying in a calm tone that what he/she is doing is not cool, you are more likely to stop the bullying. If it all doesn't work, you can always walk away.
Tip 3: Use mindfulness to stay calm
Of course, the temptation to be sarcastic is very strong, but by being mindfull about what happens when someone makes a bullying comment, it is easier to remain calm. Take a few deep breaths and, above all, remember that you are already cooler because you are not a bully. Karma will get them back.
Tip 4: Use self-hypnosis to keep your confidence high
Bullying can put quite a dent in your self-esteem. This is absolutely unnecessary. Every person is unique and every person has nice, good, smart and beautiful qualities. With self-hypnosis, you can repeat phrases to keep your self-esteem strong.
Tip 5: Talk about it with your parents
Bullying is not something you want to deal with on your own. Talk to your parents about bullying behavior at school. They absolutely do not want you to be bullied and will therefore do everything they can to help you. For example, I know someone who was sent to martial arts by her parents for more self-confidence and it helped.
Tip 6: Report it to your instructor
Research shows that teachers are less likely to intervene in comments about someone's sexual orientation than in other bullying behavior. If you feel your teacher is doing this, it is important to speak to him/her about it. You can also talk to the confidant, your class teacher or vice principal.
Tip 7: Identify the difference between bullying and abuse/assault
If bullying behavior involves being beaten up, that is a criminal offense. You can report that. Similarly, if someone of your own sex makes unwanted sexual advances toward you, that is also punishable, even if that person is heterosexual. Then again, under Dutch law it is sometimes assault, but that is another discussion.
Bullying at work
Bullying at work also has a major impact on the company and on the person who is being bullied and who is bullying.
For the company, for example, bullying at work reduces creativity to solve problems well. As a result, the company's financial effectiveness erodes and the quality of work it delivers goes down.
Tips against bullying at work
There are also a number of practical and mental tips you can use to stop bullying at work.
Tip 1: Pay according to performance
This tip is more for executives. Research shows that bullying becomes less of a problem when people get paid according to their performance. If people earn a bonus and you give it, bullying becomes less likely to occur in the workplace. People who don't earn a bonus then don't get a bonus.
Tip 2: Address the bully's behavior
Research shows that many bullies at work do not realize that their behavior is perceived as bullying behavior. By making the person aware of this, you can sometimes stop a lot of suffering.
One method used with nurses, for example, is to address someone when they start rolling their eyes or otherwise show with their facial expression that something is not right. That kind of small bullying behavior can also be responded to.
"I can see from your facial expression that you may want to say something, you can be honest and tell me what's up."
If it's right to blackmail someone, you can say, "I don't think this is the right connection to error." Mistakes in teams are made by the whole team and not by 1 person.
Tip 3: Reduce your stress
Work can cause a lot of stress, which in turn can make you less resilient to bullying at work. Research shows that managing work stress better can already improve the situation at work.
In addition, you can also use the first 4 tips against bullying at school for yourself when bullying at work.
Online bullying
Online bullying is also becoming a growing problem. Indeed, bullying than normally occurs in the workplace or at school gets a wider reach, making the humiliations greater for the person being bullied.
The consequences of online bullying are as great as those of normal bullying behavior. Student research does show that thoughts of suicide are greater among people who also suffer from online bullying than just those who suffer from "local" bullying.
Tips against online bullying
Online bullying is hard to stop. This is because responding to online messages can create a negative viral. Fortunately, there are things you can do to reduce it and be less affected.
Tip #1: Ignore it
It is very appealing to "win" an online discussion, but in the end that is exactly what the troller or bully wants. For you to respond so he/she can respond back in a nasty way. Better to ignore it.
Tip 2: Block the bully
You have many options online to block people from contacting you. This basically allows them to bully you only face-to-face.
Tip 4: Identify threats
If you are threatened online you have proof of being threatened. You can always report this or report it to a teacher if you are still in school.
Tip 5: Tell others (literally and not online)
Tell others you are being bullied online, but do so by phone or face-to-face so as not to turn it into an online argument. Turning it into an online argument is exactly what the bully wants. It can be incredibly relieving, and who knows, maybe more people are being bullied online from whom you didn't even realize it.
Furthermore, you can also use the first 4 tips on bullying in school.
Want to learn more about mental techniques to make you more resilient and confident? Then come to a seminar or workshop and check out the training courses offered by the Hypnosis Institute Netherlands.
Sources:
http://www.nji.nl/Pesten-Probleemschets-Definitie
http://annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115030
http://repositorio.minedu.gob.pe/handle/123456789/2892
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/josh.12264/full
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/sjop.12169/full
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/216507991005801003
http://www.healio.com/nursing/journals/jcen/2004-11-35-6/%7Bd69852b1-a170-4a73-b332-0ce7f17edbd6%7D/teaching-cognitive-rehearsal-as-a-shield-for-lateral-violence-an-intervention-for-newly-licensed-nurses
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