There is increasing discussion about whether revenge is not actually self-defense. For example, you can see this in movies where people who are not police suddenly start punishing people. This can be seen as revenge, but very often it is also seen as self-defense[1].
But what about revenge and self-defense, and why is the line of what is what sometimes so unclear
What is self-defense?
Self-defense means that if someone attacks you or wants to do something to you, you take action to stop that attack. Physically, it is very easy to say what self-defense is.
But it gets trickier when someone spreads gossip about you that isn't true and you have to do something about it.
What is revenge?
Revenge is often a reaction after a successful attack. It is an act by someone or someone doing something for someone to hurt someone else, the attacker, because that other person did something to you or hurt you (or the person for whom you are taking revenge).
The idea with revenge is that you often hurt an offender more than necessary, as if you are punishing disproportionately. In doing so, revenge also often involves more emotion than legally proper punishment[2].
Some people also view revenge as a form of self-defense to prevent a repeat attack.
What is punishment?
With punishment, the idea is often that a person receives a punishment that is proportional to the (wrong) act a person has committed. Law, for example, should provide for this.
A neutral person is then often brought in (the judge) so that emotions do not interfere with the punishment. It is somewhat to ensure proportionality of punishment. In the process, the judge also does research to double check that the police did arrest the perpetrator and not someone who is innocent.
Looking at the world with anger and/or fear
Everything you see is something where you yourself link the meaning to what everything means. If you find that you are very angry, you often see an angry world as well. You have projected anger onto the world. Revenge is about to overtake you. Your own attack then becomes seen as self-defense. This can be a vicious cycle until the moment you choose to see the world differently.
If you don't do this, everything will only get worse. If you You can therefore say "everything I see is a form of revenge". Anyone who has attack thoughts in their mind sees the world as revenge.
If you are angry, chances are you will develop aggressive behavior over time. For example, if you can't handle your anger well, your anger often gets worse and causes you to have less energy to control your behavior which can cause you to suffer from aggressive outbursts[3].
But fortunately, you yourself give meaning to the world around you, and anyone can change their mind.
So how cool is it that everything you hate and want to attack and kill does not exist as you see it, because somewhere you yourself have attached that meaning to it.
Assignment:
If you look at the world this way, the following assignment may help you begin to see the world differently after all. To see the world as a place where self-defense is not necessary.
Look at the world around you 5 times for 1 minute
Say to yourself as you look from one thing to another: I see only the transitory. I see nothing that is sustainable. What I see is not real, what I see is a form of revenge.
At the end, ask yourself: Is this the world I really want to see?
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/7409311-eciw-les-22?play=true
Being jowly doesn't have to be all bad for you. For example, it turns out that when you're a little jowly you tend to be more optimistic about making your own plans succeed. You also feel more in control and are more motivated to do something.
So if the above exercise fails, it's not necessarily immediately super dramatic.
But keep the following in mind. Namely, you may also suffer from narcissism because of that malice. You may notice this, for example, because you think you are (much) more intelligent than other people.
But anger does not always have the same source. You can be angry because of fear or, on the contrary, because of too much self-confidence[4].
Anger is also one of the three components of negative feelings, in addition anxiety and depression exist[5].
What emotion do you really have?
So what's behind the malady? One technique that can help you avoid retaliating or becoming aggressive in defense is by dwelling on the emotion you are feeling when you are angry. Are you angry or scared? Or disappointed? Or something else entirely? The better you are at discerning your emotions, the better you can control your behavior to avoid aggression (or revenge) (see Source 3).
So you often have an underlying emotion when you're angry, want revenge or want to defend yourself. But where does that restless kind of aggressive feeling come from?
This is something a hypnotherapist can help you with. What many people who suffer from anger and resentment don't realize is how much pain those feelings cause. They are also often unaware that being angry is something you can choose to do. So you can also choose not to be angry[6].
One of the first things you can do is take responsibility for your feelings. You choose to be angry. This is very difficult, of course, because usually you are angry at something or someone that is something external to you. It is a reaction to an external stimulus, to something outside of you. So you have to choose to choose a reaction other than being angry, other than wanting revenge or other than wanting to defend yourself aggressively.
The second step is to be aware that anger is also a result of your desires not being fulfilled.
The third step is becoming aware that anger also has good qualities. After all, you don't choose to hurt yourself. The good qualities are that it helps you feel less danger. It helps you feel less helpless and humiliated. It helps you with your identity and giving meaning to things (yep there we are again).
The fourth step is to ask yourself "What did I want that I didn't get?" and "What did I get that I didn't want?".
The fifth step is to decide to respond differently. To respond not from anger, but from love, for example. You don't have to suppress your anger either. You become aware of your anger, reflect on it and then decide how you are going to react, and that can be from love or compassion, for example. This reduces your sense of self-defense or having to retaliate.
As some rappers say, "Kill em with kindness."
These are steps a hypnotherapist can help you with. Hypnosis is especially helpful if you are resentful of anger because hypnosis causes you to feel less resistance to let go of the anger.
Thus, at Hypnosis Institute Netherlands, we always assume that you are doing things to help yourself further. That that is the intention, whether it works out is another question. One way we do this is that you then fully accept the person with anger. You accept that he does what he does and why he does it.
With that acceptance, you also ensure that there is little to resist, something that can happen with anger.
That acceptance ensures that you can help people with anger, for example, to perform the previous steps well and help people (or yourself) move forward. In addition, the steps are often difficult to perform on your own and require more frequent practice; with the help of a hypnotherapist it can be easier.
Want to learn more about how hypnosis can help you deal with emotions and feelings that are getting in your way? Then come to the free online master class on hypnosis.
Or enroll directly in one of our training courses. Trainings are taught online from a professional study and with enough assistance for 1-on-1 attention.
Sources:
[1] https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3416165
[2] https://brill.com/view/book/edcoll/9781848881648/BP000004.xml
[3] https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2011-24208-001
[4] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0160289618300102
| [5] The Clinical Use of Hypnosis in Cognitive Behavior Therapy: A Practitioner’s Casebook
Robin A. Chapman, PsyD, ABPP, Chapter 7 |
[6] The Clinical Use of Hypnosis in Cognitive Behavior Therapy: A Practitioner's Casebook
Robin A. Chapman, PsyD, ABPP, chapter 7, page 197
