Do you struggle with an inner voice that’s always criticizing you? You can view self-criticism as a part of yourself. And for this, there’s parts therapy, known in Dutch as “delenwerk”[1].
This principle is universal and changes the way you view yourself forever. During the fifth session of the summer school, I gave a live demonstration in front of hundreds of people with someone who was severely stuck because of her own inner critic.
And believe me: almost all of us are familiar with that phenomenon.
Watch the video:
The voice that sabotages everything
Just imagine: you have fantastic plans, you’re full of energy, but as soon as you want to take a step, that familiar, nagging little voice in the back of your head suddenly speaks up.
“Who do you think you are?”
“You can’t do this at all.”
“You’re just not good enough.”
Inspiring thoughts, right? Not really.
The woman I worked with struggled tremendously with this. She’s a wonderful coach with successful sessions and fantastic results for her clients, but as soon as she wanted to grow her own practice and really take the plunge into entrepreneurship, something inside her slammed on the brakes. Complete stagnation.
As soon as someone describes a problem like that, my hypnosis radar immediately goes off. Because what happens linguistically when someone says, “I’m struggling with an inner critic”?
Exactly: that person identifies that little voice as a separate part of themselves.
And if there’s a critic, who experiences that critic? That’s right: another part of you.
Suddenly, there are two sides within a single person. You hear people say it all the time in everyday life: “On the one hand, I really want to take that step, but on the other hand, I simply don’t dare.”
Two hands, two opinions, two selves. One wants to move forward; the other hits the brakes.
The orchestra in your head
Does this mean you instantly have a multiple personality or are half-schizophrenic? Of course not. We’re all one complete person. But your subconscious mind operates with different patterns, programs, and roles.
I often compare the human brain to a symphony orchestra.
In a healthy orchestra, all the musicians play together in perfect harmony. The strings complement the winds, the timpanist keeps the timing tight, and together they perform a masterful piece of music. But now imagine that there’s one violinist in the group who decides to screech right through it all. A terrible, off-key, piercing sound: ieee-ieee-ieee.
So what happens to that beautiful symphony?
The entire orchestra falls out of sync. The rest of the musicians become irritated, the conductor loses his composure, and the harmony is completely lost. You, as a person, experience this as inner conflict, stress, procrastination, and self-doubt.
What do most people do when that violinist starts screeching? They try to kick him out of the hall. They start fighting that inner critic. They read self-help books on positive thinking, try to ignore the voice, or get angry at themselves.
The only thing is: that actually backfires (except for my books, of course 😉).
That violinist isn’t screaming to annoy you. That violinist simply wants to be heard. He has a purpose, even if it doesn’t make any sense right now. Instead of fighting, we need mediation. And that’s exactly what we do with hypnosis and sharing work.
In this way, you’ll discover what role self-criticism actually plays in your life[2].
Every part has a positive intention—even self-criticism.
A golden rule of hypnosis is: every part, every behavior, and every inner voice has a positive intention.
We like to label these parts as obstructive, annoying, or bad, but no part of your subconscious mind exists to destroy you. Their sole purpose is to help or protect you.
However, they often do so using strategies that are hopelessly outdated.
During the live demonstration, I put this woman into a deep state of hypnosis. When the brain’s critical function relaxes, you can communicate directly with the subconscious mind. I invited the part of her that was responsible for that harsh inner critic.
And what did we find out when we interviewed that part of ourselves?
It wasn’t a harsh critic at all. It was a protector. A protector against disappointment.
Incidentally, this is also a theme that emerges in Internal Family Systems therapy: you have inner parts that try to protect you, but in doing so actually prevent you from taking good care of yourself[3].
This part of her had originated in her early childhood—at a time when, as a little girl, she had likely been deeply hurt or rejected following a bitter disappointment.
At that moment, that part of her stepped forward and thought, “Never again. From now on, I’ll make sure she doesn’t go all out for anything, because if she doesn’t try, she can’t be disappointed.”
It’s meant to be wonderful, isn’t it? A beautiful coping mechanism for a six- or seven-year-old child.
But now she’s an adult. She’s a coach, she has life experience, she can handle a thing or two, and any setbacks these days don’t hit her nearly as hard as they used to.
But that subconscious part was still operating based on the old software. It still believed it had to protect a vulnerable child from the big, bad outside world.
The progress that makes everything clear
Next, I called the other part forward. That part literally called itself: Progress.
Progress wanted to make strides. To be an entrepreneur, launch new programs, expand the coaching practice, transform clients, and truly thrive in life. So, two opposites: one wants to go full throttle, the other pulls the emergency brake.
And then came the magical moment of the session.
Vooruitgang said to the protector:
“But don’t you understand that by holding me back, she, too, becomes deeply disappointed? She becomes disappointed in herself because she isn’t growing!”
In a deep trance, I tuned back in to the protector. And it literally fell silent. Complete shock.
The self-critical part had simply never realized that. You could see the physiology change, the look of wonder on their face.
That part thought: “Wow. I want to protect her from disappointment, but because of my own behavior, I’m now causing her exactly the disappointment I wanted to avoid at all costs. I’ve failed in my duty.”
At that moment, everything changes. The internal struggle dissolves, because both parts realize they want exactly the same thing: what’s best for her.
From inner conflict to a new partnership
Once that insight sinks in, the hard work is actually already done. But you want to properly complete such a process according to a clear hypnosis protocol:
- Renegotiation: We give the protective part a new role. No longer shouting from the front of the stage and paralyzing everything, but quietly observing from the background. Think of it as an advisor who keeps an eye out for any real dangers, without sabotaging the situation.
- Reaching an agreement: Do both parts agree to this new division of tasks? Yes.
- Ecology check: Are there any other parts of the subconscious that object to this new collaboration? Because if a third part is secretly resisting, you’ll want to address that right away.
- Integration: We bring all the parts back together into one harmonious whole. We do not fragment; we unite.
When she awoke from the trance, we asked her, “Go find that inner critic. Where is that little voice now?”
She tried it. She searched her mind, furrowed her brow, and said in astonishment, “It’s gone. I just can’t access it anymore.”
The little voice had fallen silent. The screeching violinist was once again playing neatly in tune with the rest of the orchestra. Peace of mind, space to take action, and plenty of energy to move forward.
The best part is, this doesn’t just work if you’re looking to take a step forward in your career. It also helps with medical conditions where you need to adjust your behavior to reduce symptoms, such as with rheumatism(source 2).
How do you deal with self-criticism?
Take a moment to reflect on this for yourself. Where are you currently experiencing friction in your life?
On the one hand, you want to eat healthier and exercise more; on the other hand, you plop down on the couch in the evening, exhausted, with a bag of chips. On the one hand, you want to start your own business or set boundaries at work; on the other hand, you don’t dare to confront the issue.
Don’t fight against that part of you that gets in the way. Instead, ask yourself: What is this part actually trying to do for me? What is its positive intention?
You can already apply this principle consciously by becoming curious about your own behavior instead of getting angry at yourself.
But do you really want to get to the core and break through patterns that have been ingrained for decades? Then you do that in a deep state of hypnosis, with the right questions and a strict protocol.
Therapy and coaching simply work much faster and more effectively when the subconscious mind is directly involved. It’s that simple.
Would you like to learn how to facilitate this kind of deep transformation in others—and in yourself? Then take a look at hypnoseinstituuteerland.nl and discover what our courses can do for you.
Take a free masterclass on hypnosis to get started.
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