Problem solving: What is the real problem?
So what is the real issue? That's a very interesting question when helping people with hypnosis. This is because when you perform a hypnosis technique, it works best when you focus on solving the real problem, not on solving a symptom of the problem
In fact, when people come to you with a problem that is the symptom of the real problem they often start sabotaging the technique. Because it was never the real problem.
The problem was once a solution
You often see this in people who want to lose weight. Something inside them sabotages their efforts, preventing them from losing weight. This “something” was probably a very good solution to a problem at one time, but it isn’t anymore.
For example, you were 3 years old and wanted food, drink, and love. You wanted attention and to be touched, and you’d come up with all sorts of ways to get that. For example, pleasing others—showing “pleasing” behavior toward your father, for instance. That’s how you got love from him, that’s how you got food and drink from him, that’s how you got a hug from him—and it worked perfectly.
Well-conceived.
But now you’re 55 and you’re still trying to please others—maybe your partner, other men, or people in general—and it’s not working as well anymore. You might get some attention from it, but you think, “I don’t want this at all; I don’t want to please others. I want to say what I think; I want to set my boundaries.” Then you take assertiveness courses and the like. This is just treating the symptoms of the past, because back then it simply worked, and your brain approves of it. It thinks it’s a pattern that works and yields results.
What does the problem get you?
So ask yourself what it will get you now. If your first thought now is "yeah nothing at all, just misery" think a little deeper. It often gets you some form of attention anyway. Keep thinking deeply what positive benefits it brings.
A lot of people find this very difficult. When I gave the Break-your-Free seminars, we were often spending hours on the positive intention. To get that in with people.
Again and again, examples, repeating and doing this over and over until the penny dropped that this is how it is in many people. That people recognized it in themselves.
Even if you understand it in your mind, it is difficult to really feel it in yourself.
This is one side of the coin, the positive intention.
Preventing worse pain
The other side of the coin is that what you do prevents greater pain. The pain that, for example, your father doesn't see you, doesn't hear you, doesn't touch you and doesn't love you. Those kinds of feelings and then you feel ...
You want to avoid that at all costs, so then you start pleasing them because it pays off.
These kinds of elements are often in there to a greater or lesser extent. It always stems from masking the greater pain, and it always gets you more than what you are feeling now.
If only you begin to feel some of that pain and engage in the "unwanted" behavior because it gives you something. Maybe a little attention or comfort, but at least something.
There is an awful lot I can say about this. In the 3.0 training (the3rd) we do a year on this. On how to help people get from the symptom to the real problem.
Because it's very simple, but to get this to the surface with a client is incredibly difficult and it's also difficult with yourself because you then have yourself involved.
Perhaps you are now wondering how this sits with you. If so, know that you almost always do something or have a problem that is a symptom of a worse pain, and that this symptom is getting you something.
If you remove this symptom in between then it delivers the old pain.
Also listen to this podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/195236/1249028-wat-is-nu-het-echte-probleem
Focus from the problem to the solution
Scientific research also shows that there is a link between stress, the ability to resolve social problems, and the well-being people experience in middle age. Many of those ineffective programs that focus on treating a single symptom actually contribute to the social problems you’re facing and want to resolve.
Focusing on the negative side of your problem, such as "all I get is misery," creates more stress and an unhappier life[1].
Shifting the focus to what you actually get in return for positive things can help you solve the problem, as there are multiple paths to Rome.
For example, if please behavior is a symptom of fear of lack of love, you can ask yourself if you really want to be loved by people who apparently won't take "no" for an answer from you. How loving is that really?
How can anyone love you if you are not yourself?
Thinking the other way to love, such as just being yourself and seeing who finds it attractive or fun, can also be a very good way. In doing so, you can also be sure that that love is real and that people don't love you because you are always just doing what they want.
Of course, this is very nerve-wracking to do, because rejection isn’t pleasant and can even lead to depressive symptoms[2]. But in the long run, you’ll still end up feeling rejected, because you don’t get attention when you’re being yourself, but mainly when you’re playing a role. At some point, this is bound to cause friction. Research shows that there are different forms of depression. If you’re very dependent on someone, rejection often leads to more people-pleasing behavior, but this won’t help you feel better. Maybe for a little while, but not after that.
Find another path to the same benefit
So you can start by loving yourself first. That’s at least one person. 😊
Self-love and self-compassion are very important. You already face enough criticism in your life—you don’t need to add to it yourself.
If you like to receive love, you can also get a cute little dog as a pet. It will then walk behind you all day and look at you with those sweet little eyes. You can do pretty little wrong with some dog breeds, that love remains.
But of course, that's not the same love or attention or whatever your goal is if you want to receive something from people.
To work toward a solution to your problem, hypnosis can also help. For example, a fun technique is to look a year into the future and then see the life you actually want.
A life where you are yourself and where you are surrounded by people who appreciate that, for example at work or in your circle of friends.
Next, in hypnosis, you will determine how to get there. This is an advanced technique covered in the 2.0 training. You make that in hypnosis a kind of roadmap to create your perfect life. Experiences of participants show that this works well.
This is the other road you can also take to Rome that will allow you to stop the behavior you have actually wanted to stop for a long time.
Affirmations to get to the solution
Keeping a good focus on the positives and such can be tricky on the road to your ideal life. That's why you can use self-hypnosis after hypnosis sessions with a hypnotist to keep your focus right. During those self-hypnosis sessions, you can listen to an mp3 that the hypnotist has recorded for you or you repeat affirmations aloud yourself.
Depending on your beliefs about the problem and solution, these are customized by the hypnotist.
These may include suggestions such as:
"I love myself."
"I can do anything."
"I attract people who like me."
"I am good the way I am."
These are just examples; as mentioned, they can vary from one individual to another. But by repeating these types of affirmations, for example every morning, you can ensure that during the day you can better focus on living the life you want to have and without your real problem.
Want to know exactly how hypnosis works and what to start with? Then come to a hypnosis playshop. You will learn in 1 day how to hypnotize people and how it feels to be under hypnosis. The playshops are given in Wormerveer and Zwolle.
Would you like to see how I identify the real problem in someone? Then come to a hypnosis seminar.
Would you like to get started right away with techniques to help yourself or others using hypnosis? Then sign up for one of our courses. The courses are offered in Wormerveer, Zwolle, and online.
[1] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10608-007-9155-9
[2] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S019188691830103X